


Beyond Brothers

by zayntopsall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Banter, Brothers!AU, Hand Jobs, Love/Hate, M/M, Multiple P.O.V.s, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:06:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayntopsall/pseuds/zayntopsall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both happily living independently, Harry Styles and Niall Horan suddenly became step-brothers after their single parents were caught in a love bubble.</p><p>With their attitude mismatching their ages (Niall; the older one who’s more innocent and clueless about things and Harry; the younger one who’s arrogant and bossy), their views in life completely different and their interests polar apart, a brewing brotherly fight arises.</p><p>But will their hate for each other worsen the relationship of their parents, or will the longer they stay under one roof, the more possibilities it is for them to develop a feeling more than just brothers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Don’t touch my food, twat.” Harry spat those words bitterly to the lad who quickly put down the box of food back into the refrigerator’s rack, trying hard to hide his utter surprise from the voice that roared behind him. He turned around and saw the glare that was piercing right into his eyes and Harry didn’t think of looking away. God, just looking at Niall was making his insides boil.

“I didn’t know it was yours, _Harold_.” Niall hissed, snapping away from Harry’s glare and took the other container instead. He shoved the taller lad away and made his way towards the kitchen. Niall thought how his day would be so much better if he hadn’t seen this annoying brat.

“Maybe you should try asking before you put every food into your mouth.” Harry followed him, unable to stop his fists from clenching just by the sight of this person casually touching their stuff. “And I told you to stop calling me, Harold!”

Niall pressed the button of the microwave as if he didn’t hear anything. He was so tired of this endless argument they’ve got for almost a week now. “Will you fucking shut your mouth? Your mum told me to call you Harold, so if you have problems with that go talk to her.” Niall snapped, rolling his eyes and looking back to his almost finished dinner. Would it really hurt for this bloke to try pursing his lips just for an hour and stop noticing everything he does?

“Don’t blame it on my mum, you twat face.” Harry bit his bottom lip furiously; he wanted to smack his face right there, but he knew better than doing that. If it wasn’t for his mum, he could’ve already packed Niall’s things himself and threw him out of the house, or probably out of this city, far away where he wouldn’t be breathing the same air as he is.

It was just a matter of week when Harry did something he regretted the most and had to live the consequence of it for his whole fucked-up life.

When her mum was invited by her aunt to have a trip to Italy, Harry was already planning the whole week of having the house all by himself; inviting his friends over, partying all-night and doing everything he wanted. Anne tried to convince him to join her but he gladly refused. He was going to have the time of his life even just for a week and he wouldn’t let it slip away.

What he doesn’t know was the moment he let his mom fly all the way to Rome, was also the start of the series of his unfortunate life. If only he had gone together with his mom, he could’ve stop the circumstances of letting her meet strangers and have dates with her. He had no idea that that moment he let his mum go live the single life without her only son with her, she’d be caught in Rome’s idea of everyone falling in love when they’re in the city.

In the middle of the nights Harry was partying, his mum would call him with such an energetic and jovial tone that he started to get suspicious that his mum decided to stay longer. If she was enjoying herself too much in there, she should’ve been more convincing to drag him all the way there; but she didn’t. In fact, Harry felt that her mum was really grateful he didn’t come along.

And then his instincts were right.

Her mum was caught in a love bubble by someone named, Bobby Horan in which she did not stop talking about every now and then. She’d spend hours in the phone narrating how gentleman he was when they were inside the airplane and he made her feel at ease from the bumpy ride, how their conversations felt like they knew each other before and how he treated her with so much care on their way to the airport’s lobby. If Harry didn’t know she was his mum, he’d think she’s some sort of fangirl who got a chance to meet his idol.

When she came back, her narration was still non-stop until Harry already memorized how she met Bobby and what he did that he sort of, started to like this Bobby even though he haven’t met him yet. He would deliver letters and flowers to her, like they were some kind of archaic couple and Harry couldn’t deny that he happy seeing her mum smile to herself sometimes, knowing that she was indeed, enjoying whatever phase she was in.

And that was what Harry thought. That it was just a phase and not something so utterly serious.

But then everything went so fast Harry wasn’t able to comprehend much of it when Anne told him that Bobby would be moving with them together with his son. Harry wanted so much to argue about it, but he couldn’t find the courage to. He was too used to living alone, and the idea of having someone at his home makes it difficult for him to handle. It wasn’t a rational reason to argue with in the first place, so he let the whole thing happen.

And now he’s here. He was standing in front of this, blond, Irish whose stomach was bigger than the Pacific Ocean.

“Will you stop calling me a twat? I’m older than you so you should try to give me some respect.” Niall retorted back, pulling Harry back to reality.

This was another reason why he hated him so bad. It was the fact that he got himself an older brother who doesn’t even look like one. He got that ‘I’m kind and innocent’ look plastered on his face and he doesn’t even have any qualities worth respecting for. Harry would rather have this argument for a lifetime than to admit an inch of liking towards Niall.

“Then why don’t you stop calling me Harold to make us even? And don’t think that because you’re older than me means I’d be respecting you. I don’t like you. I was clear with that from the very beginning.” And with that, Harry took a flight upstairs, slamming the door enough for the whole household to hear.

Niall sighed, hearing Harry’s stomping upstairs. It was a good thing his dad and Anne went out for a date, not because he didn’t want them to see what’s going on between them, but because they had to pretend they actually like each other when they’re around.

Niall wasn’t really against his dad dating someone after her mum died. He understood his dad’s situation and he had to admit, out of all the dating attempts his dad did, Niall liked Anne the best. She was really kind-hearted, funny, sweet and beautiful - someone his father wouldn’t dare miss.

And to make things better, Niall found out Anne also had a son, a year younger than him.

Being the only son, Niall was looking forward to having a younger brother. He was excited to be this older brother who’d protect and take care of his sibling and who’d be there whenever he needed him. Niall could imagine them getting along really well – sharing secrets, dating tips and they could openly talk about everything.

But he had no idea his image of having that harmonious relationship with his step-brother would be this hard. Everything went down the drain when he met Harry. He was arrogant, disrespectful and rude and he never held back his words when it comes to how much he hated him. Niall thought if he treated him ever the same, things would change. But from the way Harry was acting, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. And he was already losing every ounce of patience and self-control he had.

—-

Harry lunged himself into his bed, his once favorite place before. Unfortunately, it became his most loathed place when he found out Niall would be sharing with him.

He screamed on his pillow, trying to let out his frustration and anger for a moment. Everytime he closes his eyes, all he could think of was that face, that innocent, irritating stupid face which belongs to Niall. He would remember how irritated he felt whenever he hears his voice, his laugh and whenever he’s around. He hated his carefree attitude when he catches him outside their house, playing the guitar and smiling to everyone who passes by. He hated his eyes, his stupid bleached hair, his skin, his accent – he hated everything about him.

And the fact that he couldn’t figure out the sole reason why he doesn’t like Niall made Harry hate him even more.

Harry knew himself too much. He knew that if he gets closer and closer to someone, he’ll lose himself, he’ll start to trust that person and he couldn’t imagine trusting someone like Niall. He was just too innocent and he looks so fragile, Harry felt like he could break him anytime.

He suddenly paused for a while when he remembered the words he said to Niall a while ago. He saw how his eyes recoiled when he said those words. Even just for a week, Harry already knew how Niall was trying so hard to put on that strong facade that he was to be the respected one. That he was the ‘older’ brother, but Harry could see right through it. He could see how Niall desperately wanted to notice him or that attention.

Some part of him told him it was wrong and that he should apologize, but another part of him told him otherwise. There’s no way he’d apologize to that twat, not in a million years.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry wasn’t even half-asleep when he heard the door creaked behind him; knowing that Niall was there to sleep next to him and then they’d spend the next few hours fighting over the space, the sheets, the pillows, everything. None of them would admit defeat. They’d keep pulling and tugging until their energy runs out, and they’d fall asleep, bodies as far away from each other.

“Harol – I mean, Harry. They’re here.” Niall’s voice was low, and Harry found himself smiling by the fact that Niall actually learned his lesson that fast. He had no right to call him ‘Harold’ just because his mum told him so. It was meant for people who knew him, whom he likes and not someone like Niall who’s all pretend and smug.

“And what do you want me to do?” Harry pulled down the sheets, turning his face to Niall who was holding a slice of pizza. “Seriously, is there going to be a day where I wouldn’t see you eating every food you see?”

Niall wasn’t in the mood to argue with him, so he just took another bite. _God,_ he doesn’t really know how to shut his mouth. “They want you to go down there and eat with us.”

 _Us._ Harry wanted to puke. “Tell them I don’t want to. Go take my slice. You’d end up eating it anyways.” Harry said, burying himself back underneath the blanket. He thought he heard Niall sigh before he closed the door and Harry looked back to the door, furrowing his eyebrows. Why was he even disappointed? He should’ve at least thanked him. If Harry went downstairs, they would have to work their asses off, convincing their parents that they get along well and Harry wasn’t in the mood for that right now.

Just as he was about to take another pillow from Niall’s side, he saw the date on the calendar at the bedside table and Harry’s day ended up to be much worse: tomorrow would be the start of classes, which means he had to spend every single day of his miserable life, driving Niall to school. Harry slammed his head back and fro to his pillow. Death would be much better than this, he thought, punching Niall’s empty side.

For the first time in his life, Harry wasn’t looking forward to coming to school.

—-

Niall was left downstairs to clean up. The three of them had spent the night watching two movies and he hadn’t notice that it was already this late. He had to wake up early or else Harry would kill him, right after he found out that bloke would be driving him to school every morning. God, how could he be this unlucky? He had tried insisting to Anne that it was alright to just walk, but even his dad refused to agree.

The only hope he got was for Harry to say ‘no’, but he didn’t.  And he hated him even more for that. He knew, at the back of Harry’s mind, he was trying to look like the good guy here while feeling sorry for him. He knew how hard it would be for him to start over, in an entirely new country with no friends or relatives that he could talk to. And the person whom Niall was expecting to be his friend, turned out to be his worst enemy.

After washing the dishes, Niall finally went upstairs, careful enough not to wake everyone up – especially Harry. For once, he wanted to have a peaceful night – without arguing who gets the pillow and who gets most part of the duvet.

Niall opened the door and saw Harry’s body all over the bed, something that didn’t surprise him at all. This person would definitely get all the chance he got to piss him off.

He walked around the bed, trying to figure out where the hell he’d sleep, seeing that Harry took most of the space. He stopped midway when he saw his face peeking out of the duvet. Swallowing thickly, he stepped closer and sat at the edge of the bed. He looked so different when he’s asleep, Niall thought. He looked gentler, kinder and less rude. Niall wondered what would’ve happen if things came out differently. There would be no arguments, no fake exchange of affection and no hate for each other.

He slowly lied down, squeezing himself on the small space right beside Harry and drifted to sleep, facing Harry.

—-

Harry almost fell from his bed when he woke up seeing Niall lying next to him and even facing him.

Harry blinked. It was the first time he woke up not seeing the door or Niall’s back and it was making him feel uneasy. Looking at him at this state made him look so vulnerable, that he’s not the older brother in here, but the younger one. And he isn’t the one that needed to protect someone, but to be protected instead.

Harry pulled a face. There’s no way he’s going to protect him. Not a chance.

Niall moved a little, and some of his hair loosely fell on his pale skin. Harry gulped. He was seeing too many things. Watching him was a bad idea. He removed the sheets and went on his feet, turning to his clock and to his horror, he realized they were already thirty minutes late for their time to prepare.

He lost composure and he found himself shaking Niall furiously, waking him up in a matter of seconds.

“The fuck are you doing, Harold!” Niall shoved him away, burying his face back into the pillows.

“I’m going to let you call me Harold just now, you twat! Wake up or we’ll be late on our first day!” Harry threw a pillow down to his face and rushed towards the bathroom. “If you’re not up after I take shower you can start walking now.”

—-

“I can’t believe I’m late because you fucking overslept.” Harry said, turning his car to the right.

“Why the hell are you blaming this one on me? Weren’t you still in your PJ’s when you woke me up? We _both_ overslept so why don’t you shut the fuck up.” Niall was still fixing his things on the passenger seat, he had no idea where he was supposed to go or what his subject was. He had a feeling this first day was like walking in hell.

“Well if I was the only one going to school then it wouldn’t be a problem even if I overslept. And Christ, we would’ve left earlier if you didn’t insist on eating something before we go.” Harry huffed, turning to another block.

Niall mumbled something, but Harry didn’t bother asking what it was, seeing that they already reached the school gate.

Niall’s jaw dropped, he had no idea he was attending into an all-boys private school. He gulped. Everything looked high-class. The perfectly-mowed grass, sculptures all over the garden, the buildings’ architectures and the students’ casual clothes looked like they spent hours to come up with that look. Looking down to what he was wearing, Niall groaned on his worn out shirt and faded jeans. If only he knew, he could’ve asked his dad to buy something. He could shot a glare towards Harry for not telling but Niall knew best that it’d be a waste of time. He knew Harry planned it to make him look ridiculous.

Harry grinned, seeing from the corner of his eye how Niall was fidgeting over his clothes. He pulled over and stopped the engine, trying to keep his excitement that he won’t be seeing and hearing anything about Niall for the next seven hours.

“Your schedule.” Harry said, reaching his hand to his side

“W-what?” Niall backed away, tightly hugging his satchel closer to his chest.

“Give me your schedule so I could tell you where you’re supposed to go.” Harry rolled his eyes. This was definitely not helping Niall. He was just doing this because he doesn’t want to receive a message from him later in the middle of his class, asking him where the hell he should go to. Niall handed him the paper and Harry studied his schedule, nodding once or twice.

“See that blue building over there? Your first three subjects would be there. The other one would be the same building as mine, so just go behind this large building and you’ll see an orange one.”

“Uh-yeah, thanks.” Was the only words that slipped out of Niall’s tongue as he watched Harry walked out without bidding him goodbye or telling him ‘good luck’. Not that he wanted it, but who else will, right? Niall knocked his head on the window, he should probably stop thinking Harry would act like a kind brother to him because who was he kidding? It would never happen.

Harry looked so cool walking as he went farther and farther. He saw some guys greeting him and looking completely in awe. Harry was probably this popular guy in school, Niall assumed. He felt a pang on his chest, knowing that he didn’t belong in here.

All Niall wanted was someone whom he could actually talk to, someone who’d listen to him about how he feels about this whole sudden movement and this new life he had to live in. And he’s probably going crazy, thinking that the person he hated the most, would also be the same person who’d sit next to him and listen to everything he’d say.


	3. Chapter 3

“Harrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeh!” A familiar voice echoed on the hallways, backtracking Harry before he finally turned around, smiling as he watched three good-looking guys approach him as if they owned the hall way.

“Hazza!” The brunette one, Louis, threw his arm around Harry’s neck, pushing all his weight on him that Harry felt like he’d flip over. “I miss you so much!” Louis said, pressing his lips on Harry’s cheeks.

“Ow! You’re hurting me! Get away from me!” Harry shoved him away, making Louis looked like he was really hurt and that he was clutching his chest. When he turned around to face Zayn, the one sporting the quiff and the only one who carries it well, he was smacked right into his forehead.

Louis yelped, “Hey, that hurts!” Louis tried to do the same with Zayn and only ended up chasing each other around, revealing the guy who seemed to be hiding from Harry.

When Harry realized who it was, he grabbed his shoulders. “ _Liam_? Is that you? Oh shit! You shaved your hair?”

Liam covered his face. “Yeah. My mom told me it’ll look good to me. I regretted it. Jesus, fuck – don’t look at me. I know I look hideous.” Liam tried to push Harry away, but then Harry found it really fascinating to reach for his head and feel it. “Harold! S-Stop it!”

They went on like that for a while until a professor and shot them warning looks.

“Oops, sorry.” Louis said, dragging Liam by his wrist and dragging him whilst he ran. Harry and Zayn followed, their laughter echoing on the almost empty hallway. This was perfect, Harry thought. He could finally spend the rest of the day not seeing Niall or hearing his voice or see him eating every food in their fridge. There was nothing to remind him of that twat.

“So, when are we going to meet this brother of yours?” Louis asked out of nowhere, stopping Harry from walking.

“How the hell did you know about that?”

The three looked at each other as if they were expecting the reaction of Harry. Liam and Zayn pointed towards Louis, “You see, your mom called my mom that called Zayn’s mom that called Liam’s mom that you’re going to have a brother, so we just kind of found out about it.” Louis beamed. This wasn’t something worth smiling for. Harry knew having your mum befriend your other friends’ mum was a bad idea. “Well, when can we meet this brother of yours? This lunch? Dismissal? I can’t wait to see him!” Louis jumped.

“Louis wouldn’t shut his mouth about it. He’s been pestering us with this bet about how your brother looks.” Zayn said, rolling his eyes when Louis poked his tongue to his direction.

“He’s not that interesting.” Harry said flatly, when all he wanted was to spend the next hours not thinking of Niall (not that he was actually thinking of him), there goes his three friends, convincing him to let the person he hated the most, be introduced by him.

“My mum told me that he’s really kind and cheerful, just the way your mom described him. We all wanted to meet your _older_ brother.” Liam said.

“I never knew he was older than you! Aww, Harry! You’re going to be that cute younger bro!” Louis reached over and pinched Harry’s cheeks.

“I’m not anyone’s younger brother.” Harry retorted, pushing Louis’s fingers away. “He doesn’t even look like he’s older than me. It’s just the age, but with his personality, it’s not.” Harry argued, leaving the three of his friends looking at each other as he went inside their classroom.

When they settled on their seats, Zayn turned around, tapping his desk. “You sounded like you hate him so much. Did he do something wrong?”

Ever since he stepped into their house, everything went wrong and that was enough reason for Harry to hate him. But Harry felt like he shouldn’t say it. “’We just don’t get along really well.”

“It’s normal not to get along at this point. You’re both new to this, give him some time.” Liam said encouragingly.

Harry crossed his arms on his chest. “You don’t understand, Liam. He’s different. He got this personality that just gets on my nerves. I don’t like him and I don’t think I ever will.” Harry admitted. “You guys wouldn’t, either.”

“Ooh, someone’s being over protective of his brother.” Zayn raised both of his hands. “We’re not taking him away from you, Harold. We just want to meet him.” Louis and Liam agreed, sniggering at the same time.

Harry pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose. “I’m not being over protective. I’m telling the truth. He’s a fake. He had this ‘I’m your older brother so you should respect me’ and it’s irritating. He thinks everyone likes him, but just because mum did, doesn’t mean I will. He’s a show off. He thinks everything’s funny. He greets everyone with a smile, but I know why he’s doing that. It’s because he wanted all attention to be directed in him.” Harry spat, starkly flicking away the bunch of hair that fell on his forehead.

“Isn’t that a bit harsh? From the way you said it, I think he’s just a very carefree person.” Liam’s face contorted in a mixture of puzzlement and disappointment.

 _More reason not to like him then._ “It’s not being harsh, it’s telling the truth.” Harry decided he’ll end the conversation in here before an argument rises up if Liam would insist that he just misunderstood Niall. “Let’s not—“

“Okay, so you hate him. But that doesn’t mean we can’t meet him.” Louis said, taking Liam and Zayn in agreement.

Harry sighed, there’s no way they’d give up.

Just when Harry thought the conversation is over, Louis went on to mentioning Niall and about what he looks like from the way his mum description. Seriously, is there anything they don’t know about Niall except seeing who he really is?

Harry bit his lip in frustration by the turnout of events. Louis was the kind of person who could easily say if he likes or dislikes a person, which will be good, right? He would definitely see what he was talking about and he’ll convince the other two to stay away from Niall. Liam, looked really interested towards his personality, which Harry hoped, wouldn’t be that dense not to see who Niall really was. And Zayn -

“I say dibs on Niall.” Zayn announced as he leaned back on his chair, making Harry flinch the moment he heard it. “If that guy’s fine like the way Anne described him, then I’d give it a try.” He said, smirking.

Harry suddenly felt weird, hearing it straight from Zayn that he’s interested to Niall. It’s not because he was jealous – maybe because someone liked him? Is that it? Or maybe because it was Zayn? Zayn was a player and imagining him with Niall, was just wrong.

Harry shut his eyes. He’s not going to spend the rest of the day brooding over this stupid thought of Niall getting hurt because of Zayn. He doesn’t care. And that was something he really wanted to keep on convincing to himself.

—-

“Worst day of my life.” Niall grumbled, walking his way to the isolated wooden bench under the tree. He dropped his satchel to the ground and sat down.

It was indeed, his worst day of his life.

Most of his classmates gave him funny looks when he entered the classroom. Although he wasn’t entirely sure of the reason why, he knew it was about his clothes.

To make things worse, the moment Niall had mentioned he came from Ireland gained him a couple of insulting fans that started to call him Leprechaun, Mr. Clover and some even tried to mimic his accent, asking him about the pot of gold. They even noticed that he bleached his hair and they kept saying he was trying too hard.

Niall felt a lump on his throat. There it is again, the remarks people throw at him of how he looked as if he was always trying hard even though he really wasn’t and it was just him, being himself.

Niall grabbed his messenger bag and looked into his things when he felt something soft that was wrapped in a paper bag. He pulled it out, ripped the bag open and found small note attached to another smaller plastic bag.

To Niall: _Goodluck on your first day! Anne & Bobby! xx_

Niall found himself laughing on the message; the thought of Anne and his dad writing this together simply made his day. He tore the plastic open and saw a clubhouse perfectly done. He smiled further, imagining that those two had prepared it especially for him.

He didn’t actually knew when did it happen but he felt tears running down his cheeks as he took the first bite.

“God. This is delicious.” Niall swallowed as he sniffed and didn’t really care if someone sees him crying like this while eating a sandwich. He missed his home. He missed his mum. He missed his friends, his neighbors, even those strangers who smiled at him whenever he plays his guitar at the park. He missed being himself.

Niall wiped his tears away and finished off his sandwich. Keeping the note, he took his bag and slings it over his shoulders. He sighed. He had to spend another three hours being mocked inside his classroom. It was like being inside the room of multiple Harry Styles as if mocking and reminding him that whatever he do, there’s no way he’d like him.

—-

“May I ask what the fuck are you three doing in here?” Harry snarled, seeing his three friends leaning against his car, showing their utter excitement on meeting Niall after he accidentally told them that both of them will go home together. “Seriously, can’t you just meet him next time?”

Louis took a second to glance at him and rolled his eyes before going back as a lookout. The three of them had this bet a while ago on who will be able to spot Niall first based on the description their mums told them.

The three of them kept turning their heads around, wary of everyone who had a blond hair.

Out of the corner of Harry’s eyes, he saw that familiar strut and his hair that reminded him of Niall on his bed, sending an uneven turn on his stomach. Why did that sudden image flashed in his head? He looked different from afar, Harry thought. Even though he eats a lot, he still looked quite fit. Harry secretly knocked his head on his car, he didn’t just thought Niall was fit now, did he?

He was about to look away when he noticed something off, from Niall’s expression. He looked so lost and exhausted that it suddenly made Harry guilty. It felt so wrong to feel pity for someone like him, someone Harry detested the most. He should be laughing at him, telling him to just give up and go back to where he came from. But instead, Harry thought of Niall, all alone in his classroom, trying to talk to someone but he’d get rejected quickly and he’d see how his eyes would recoil again, and then he’d smile, pretending it didn’t affect him at all.

“TARGET LOCKED!” Louis bolted in front of Harry, snapping him away from his thoughts as the brunette looked into the same direction he was staring into. Liam and Zayn looked the same way, huddling in close to Harry.

“Bleached-blond hair that shows the remains of his naturally brown hair: Check.” Zayn and Liam both peeked into his detective notebook where he scribbled the exact words he really did check it.

“Blue eyes that are lighter than mine: Check.”

“Pale skin but he still looks so hot with that: CHECK! I won!”

Harry was about to ask him what the hell was that last description but it was too late when he saw the three lads running their way towards Niall, having no choice but to follow them as well.

Niall, on the other hand, thought he was starting to get delusional or maybe this was some kind of prank.

“Niaaaaalll!” The first guy who reached him threw his arms around his shoulders hugging him while repeatedly twirling around. “Finally! I get to meet you!” _Finally?_ Who – who are they?

“Hey,” Another guy approached him, patting his shoulders. He was starting to get a little bit panicky about this sudden friendly manner out of nowhere but his mind was all over the place and just as he was about to ask them who they were, another guy approached him, which took Niall’s breathe away, seeing how angelic his face was.

“Would you two, get off him? You’re scaring him.” The angelic-looking guy pulled the two stragers away, giving him apologetic looks. Niall nodded, still confused of what was happening. He couldn’t remember someone from Ireland that resembles them and yet – “I’m Liam. This one here, is Louis.” Louis waved. “And this one’s Zayn. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to finally meet you, Niall.” Zayn pulled himself out of Liam’s hold and offered Niall his hand.

Niall reluctantly reached for it, shaking it nervously. Louis followed suit, shaking his hand with more fervor.

If this would be some sort of act, in which Niall wished it wouldn’t be, he’d definitely fall for this one. It looked genuinely true. He almost felt like smiling back at them when a familiar face showed up behind Zayn.

“Are the three of you done now? ‘Cause I want to go home already.”

 _Shit._ Harry. They’re his friends. Niall’s dreams crumbled.

“Aw, Harry. Why are you such in a hurry, we just met.” Louis looked back and pouted at him.

“I thought that’s how it is? Just to see what he looks like?” Harry acted as if Niall wasn’t even there, he didn’t look him nor did he acknowledge his presence at all. _What a prick_.

“Yeah, yeah. If you wanna go home, go on. Zayn brought his car, we’ll bring him home later.” Louis teased as he made a funny face and Niall wasn’t able to hold back his chuckle.

“Oh look! He’s laughing, oh my god! He’s so adorable, I can’t believe he’s older than you, Harold!”

Niall stopped immediately, hearing the name ‘Harold’ and he looked at Harry who didn’t show any sign of protest. So that’s why he didn’t like being called Harold. It was exclusive for his friends.

“Shut up. Now, can we please go home?” Harry was about to turn around when he saw Zayn slings his arm too casually around Niall’s neck, and he doesn’t really know what it is: the fact that Zayn did it like it’s the easiest thing on Earth or because he just saw Niall blush. It wasn’t supposed to bring another kick on his liking, but it did, and he felt more disturbed about the fact that they seem to like Niall that fast.

What made it worst was how he noticed how Niall was looking at Liam like he’s an angel sent from above to save Niall from him. He didn’t like it and he doesn’t know why. It was always him who get to have those hateful glares but with someone whom Niall just met a minute ago, he was already looking at Liam like he just made him his No.1 Most Favorite Person in the World. 

“Harry, you alright?” Louis asked, seeing the way Harry looked at Liam.

“What? Y-yeah.” Harry shrugged, finally turning to Niall, who was on the verge of drooling from staring at Liam. Harry gritted his teeth. “You. You can’t go with them today. Mum said both of us should be home for dinner. If you don’t like it then better call her now.” Harry turned around without bidding anyone goodbye. There was an uncomfortable silence for a while before Niall decided he’ll have to decline Zayn’s offer on watching movie on their flat.

“That’s sad. Don’t worry. The next time we’ll ask you again Harry couldn’t interfere anymore. Promise.” Liam reassuringly smiled at him and Niall decided Liam would be his favourite person from now on; although he was having doubts if he should see them all again. It was pretty clear to him that Harry was thinking he was meddling too much on his life now. First, his family and now his friends. Niall doesn’t want to give Harry more reason to hate him.

Niall bid them goodbye, seeing Harry impatiently tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and looking like he was about to run him over, when Louis called him.

“Hey, Niall?”

“Yeah?”

“Be a little patient with Haz, okay? He’s hard to understand, but when you do, I bet you two will get along really well.” Louis grinned, squeezing his shoulders before following Liam and Zayn. “We’ll see you around then!” Louis waved, before throwing both of his arms around the two.

 _Be a little patient with Haz._  Niall kept it in mind. He can’t promise anything but he’d give it a try. After all, between the two of them, Niall hated Harry less than how the younger lad feels for him.


	4. Chapter 4

“Wow. Harry really hates Niall that much.” Louis said as they all watched the car leave the school grounds, leaving the three of them in the middle of the field.

“I’ve never seen him hated someone like that before. Harold’s always the kind one.” Liam said. He thought of the last time he saw Harry’s true glare and it was back at middle school, where Louis was bullied when he come out and Harry kicked four guys’ arses single-handedly.

Zayn nodded in agreement. “I just wished they could get along, you know? They really look like they could be good brothers.” He was the one who got the most number in siblings on their group, so he felt like he could actually sympathize with Niall’s position of being hated by Harry.

“Or more than brothers.” Louis said and he felt the two lads stopping behind him. “What?”

“What are you saying more than brothers?” Liam suspiciously asked.

“Come on, they’re not brothers by blood, right? There’s nothing wrong if I’d ship them ‘cause you’ve got to be honest with me, the two of them look good together.” Louis said, smiling by the thought of Harry and Niall happily walking hand in hand in the beach. Harry would be chasing Niall and Niall would stumble, making Harry carry him on his back –

“There goes that ship again. Would you stop shipping everyone just because they look good together?” Liam huffed, scratching his head.

“That’s the reason why you ship them, Li-li! Because they look good together! God, you should try to do it sometimes, it feels good when you see your ships together. And besides, I’m pretty sure something’s going on between them.”

“Weren’t you the one who said Harry hates Niall so much? Now you’re thinking something’s going on between them?” Zayn asked, his interest on this topic was stirring him up as well and he’d be lying if he said he’s not going to agree at Louis with Harry and Niall looking good together.

“Well, it doesn’t automatically mean that Harry hating Niall means there’s nothing going on between them, right?” Liam shrugged. “I mean, did you see how Harry looked at you? He didn’t notice he was glaring because you’re taking Niall’s attention away from him.” Louis explained, throwing his arms in the, proving his point. “That’s not how you look at your friend when he’s merely standing near your ‘step brother’. Except, when he’s afraid any of us can take him away, right?”

Zayn inserted his car key and Louis waited for Liam to find comfort in the back seat before he continues. “He’s got this protective aura surrounding around him, and don’t tell me you don’t feel that, ‘cause I do!” He sang, mimicking a certain song. “You have to believe me, Li-Li. Harry’s hiding something from us, and my detective instincts tells me it all points to Niall.” Louis gave him a serious look as he brought out his detective notebook from his bag and scribbled something on the third page.

“What the fuck are you writing?” Liam tried to lean in closer but Louis gave him a head butt instead, pulling his body far Zayn and Liam even if he was in the passenger seat, twisting around until his back was on the dashboard, it seemed too impossible. “You and your fucking flexibility.” Liam grumbled, leaning back to his seat.

“I work wonders, babe.” Louis stuck his tongue out and emphasizes a dot on his paper. Zayn looked at him for a moment and smiled as they started to drive away. “Now, detective squad of Louis, we have a mission!”

“Detective – what?”

“Detective Squad of Louis. It’s my squad so you two are my assistants. Stop complaining and listen to me, alright?” Louis stretched his back, wriggling his way back to his previous position all too swiftly. “First of all, we have to gather some evidence if Harry’s feeling something for Niall.”

“And how are we supposed to know that?” Liam interjected.

“Baby steps.” Louis replied immediately.

“By baby steps you mean asking Harry, ‘do you like Niall’, ‘cause that’s what you always do when you’re the one asking someone out, right Lou? ‘Do you like me?’” Zayn teased and Louis landed a hard jab on Zayn’s shoulder, making their car swerve a little. “Easy! We’re on the road, Tomlinson!”

“Like I fucking care, Malik.” Louis rolled his eyes and went back to explaining his notes. “So, for our first step, we’ll be using Harry’s feelings a while ago: jealousy.”

“We’re not even sure if he was really jealous.”

“I don’t care, Liam. I’m the leader of the squad here, so no one’s going to contradict my plans, alright?”

“Alright, so how’re we going to do this, Detective Louis?” Zayn asked.

Louis licked his lips. “That’s where you, my dear Liam, would enter.”

—-

Harry must’ve been getting delusional or quite tired for this day, having his mind occupied by the image of Niall looking at Liam for more than an hour now.

He glanced towards Niall who was all hunched down on his study table at the corner of the room, busying himself with his homework. He was supposed to be doing the same thing, but that stupid image kept coming back that he gave up on his assignment and lied down on his bed instead.

Harry could see Niall’s happy expression back at the car, looking so pleased about what happened back there with his friends. Of all people he had to meet and be friends with, why does it have to be _his_ friends?

Answering his question, he remembered how devastated Niall was when he walked his way towards his car. By that, he knew he wasn’t successful to gain any friends at all. Maybe they all thought the same thing about Niall. That he was a fake and he’s trying too hard to please everyone.

If only he had convinced Bobby to just enroll into a different school, at least he doesn’t have to be worry about fitting in and Harry wouldn’t see him for at least half of the day and there was no chance his friends could’ve meet him. Harry could’ve prevented it even with Louis’s persistence. But now it’s too late. Niall had already met Louis, Zayn and Liam.

Niall’s reaction when he met Liam flashed back to Harry. He remembered how his face just lighted up like a million watts of light when he saw Liam smiling beside him. Harry kicked the pillow right beside his foot, not entirely aware why he was pissed off over this. Niall had just met him for like what? Two minutes, tops and he looked at Liam with so much endearment already. Harry reached for the pillow again, only to kick it farther.

Looking back at Niall, he noticed how he’s phone has been beeping ever since they left the car. He knew he shouldn’t care, yet there was a part of him dying to know who could Niall be texting non-stop, on his first day of school? He never saw him looked to his phone that much – was it his friend back in Ireland? Did he actually make a friend during his class? Harry dropped his head, trying to convince himself that he doesn’t give a fuck about Niall at all.

Except that he actually did. For the next thirty minutes, all he could hear now was Niall’s phone doing that irritating beeping sound, as if he was trying to make a point that he’s texting someone and he’s enjoying it.

Which was good right? Harry thought. If he had found one friend, at least he won’t be pestering him that much anymore, including his friends. But if he did, then why did he look so down when he was on his way back to the parking lot? If he didn’t make any friends back there then who’s this annoying prat he’s texting?

Another beep and that was it. Harry jumped out of bed and walked behind Niall.

“Hey twat, do you even know how to turn your phone into –“ Harry lost the will to continue when he saw Niall looking back at him, giggling while holding his phone.

When Niall realized that Harry was actually there and he was smiling at him, he immediately bit down his bottom lip and scowled, something that made Harry’s chest ached.

“I’m sorry, what is it again?” Niall asked, diverting his gaze from the sudden confused look of Harry towards him.

Harry gulped. “Your phone’s annoying. I believe there’s two of us in here so would you mind putting it in silent mode?” He said, looking down on the screen of Niall’s phone just in time it made a sound again and he finally saw the name he’s been texting: _Liam Payne_.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Harry blurted ou, following Niall’s phone even if the lad took it away and placed it on the other side of the desk. “Liam’s the one you’ve been texting since this afternoon?”

Niall cocked an eyebrow, narrowing his eyes at him. “I don’t think there’s a certain rule in here that I shouldn’t text Liam or anyone.”

“I think I have the right to ask you, since Liam is actually _my_ friend.” Harry replied, placing his hand at the edge of Niall’s desk. It really shouldn’t be a big deal but something inside Harry just wanted to keep going.

“He’s the first one who texted me. He said he wanted to become friends with me, I didn’t _asked_ him to. Happy now?” Niall’s eyebrows furrowed, making Harry glare at him even more.

“Yeah, I’d be happy if you’d leave the people I know alone. Why don’t you go find yourself your own friend oh – _wait_ – maybe they already found out how you’re so annoying they hated you the first time they saw you. And now that nobody wanted you, you’re going to rely on my friends. Which, I could see, you were very much successful about. I bet you’re making it look like I’m the bad guy here, aren’t you?” Harry raised his voice. He didn’t know exactly what was pissing him off: that annoying beeping sound, the thought of Niall liking Liam better than him, his friends getting along with Niall or all of it?

Niall turned away, biting his lips and keeping himself from crying. There’s no way he’d cry in front of this stupid, judgmental person. He doesn’t deserve to see that side of him.

Niall clenched his fist, _god_ , how he wanted to punch Harry in the face. He wanted to knock him down and tell him he’s seeing the wrong thing, that maybe he should try and ask him about what he’s feeling instead of getting on those hurtful conclusions. He remembered what Louis told him about being patient with Harry, _fuck it_ , this was way too impossible. This was going nowhere and Niall believed that this would be the scene he’d live on for the rest of his life.

Harry huffed, “You can’t even deny it, because it’s fucking true.” He hissed, gripping the edge of the desk.

Niall took a deep breathe. If this is Harry’s plan on throwing him out, by pissing him off, then he’s not going to back down. He’d put up one hell of a fight. But he wouldn’t be doing this for him, it’d be for his dad, for Anne, because they’re happy when their together and Niall would rather live this miserable life with Harry rather than break them apart.

“You know what, Harry? Why don’t you pretend I don’t exist and I’ll do the same thing as well, fair enough? Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.” Niall didn’t wait for Harry to respond, pushing him out of the way and headed to the other room, slamming the door shut.

Harry stood there in shock and only when Niall’s phone beeped again that he snapped back to his sense. Harry looked down to the empty seat, feeling an irregular throb flowing inside him. He thought if he’d say those things, he’d feel better, but in the end, he felt worse. He thought he’d won, but instead, it felt like he lost something.

He glanced towards Niall’s phone. Is that it? Is that what he wanted in the first place? That kind smile Liam gave him so he’d like him as well? Is that why he’s openly smiling when he’s with them but when Niall’s alone with him, all he did was scowl and glare at him? Really, does he hate him that much? Was he really that unlikeable? Harry kicked his chair and stepped out of the room, shutting the door as loud as possible.

He hated Niall. That was pretty clear from the start. He hated him because he wasn’t being real to himself, and Harry was trying to tell him that he could see right through him. But what he could never admit was that there’s this small part inside of him that wanted to tell Niall that despite all these hateful words he threw at him, he also wanted Niall to notice him, to open up his feelings and not to anyone else. Not to Liam, not to Louis, to Zayn. _Just him._

It was confusing. Everything about this whole thing he was dragged into. He didn’t know what he’s exactly feeling. One second, he’d like to piss him off to much extent Niall would hit him, but then Harry would often think about Niall’s sake, if he’s alright. And that’s fucking insane, because Harry didn’t care. He knew he hated Niall. He hated everything about him. But the more he told that to himself, the more it became less clear to him for the reason why. 


	5. Chapter 5

Harry slammed the bathroom door as loud as possible in hope that Niall would get the message that he’s pissed off. Pissed off to the extent that he wanted to scream, to throw and break everything he could touch, to rip those fucking shower curtains and to shatter this fucking mirror that reflects his frustrated expression.

Four days. It has been four dreading days ever since Niall had proposed this idea of treating each other as if no one existed. It has been four days since he felt like he was talking to a goddamn wall and Niall only replied him three different words: ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘okay’.

The first time Niall did it was a bit of a shock for Harry, when he told him to hurry up in the bathroom. Harry expected another retort from him, but instead, Niall came out of the bathroom and pretended he wasn’t even there. When Harry realized Niall was really going to pretend none of them existed, he was glad about it. Harry thought it would make things better and that he doesn’t have to deal with Niall any longer.

But that only lasted for a day. Each hour that passed without that voice of Niall directed towards him, it felt so wrong. He doesn’t know why, but he’d rather hear Niall get angry at him, to tell him to fuck off and mind his own business rather than be ignored. This was also the same reason why he’s irritated and frustrated, because this feeling of being noticed by Niall exists.

He was supposed to hate him for the love of God and feeling alone and wanting attention wasn’t something he expected to feel when Niall ignores him.

With one last look to his own reflection, Harry tugged away his clothes and stepped into the tub, turning the faucet and letting the prickly heat of the water calm his nerves. He braced himself against the wall, closing his eyes, hoping to drown these completely, strange feelings that keeps on messing with his life down the drain.

—-

On the other side of the room, the person whom Harry thought was asleep was actually wide awake.

He didn’t quite understand Harry’s behavior for the past few days. He thought he’d be jumping out of pure joy when he told him about treating each other’s inexistence. Instead, he kept on pestering him. Noticing more of what he’s doing, even the simplest things he didn’t care to notice at all.

Niall groaned as he shifted his body to the empty side of the bed where Harry sleeps. If they were in an alternate universe, they’d probably be talking about how their first day went, which professors they hate and which subjects they loved. It’d be perfect. Niall shut his eyes. There’s no point in imagining this kind of relationship with Harry. It was hopeless. And it’s all because Harry was a fucking prick.

“You. Are. An. Idiot.” He poked Harry’s pillows while stressing out each word. It was only then that he realized Harry was standing on the bathroom door, wet hair sticking onto his skin and his towel loosely wrapped on his waist, silently watching him.

“So this is what you do when I’m not in bed?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrow. Niall gulped, his stomach clenching from the way the heat travelled from the bathroom towards him or could it be because he was staring into that lean torso of Harry? How those droplets of waters settled on the indents on his abs, the way his slender body was accented by the only light coming from the bathroom…Niall suddenly realized what he was doing, so looked away. Turing to the other side, Niall threw the sheet over him, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to forget what he just saw.

Harry on the other hand, didn’t notice what Niall was doing, he was too busy waiting for his reply and when he didn’t Harry was furious. Would it kill him to give an appropriate reaction or answer? Slipping into his boxers and white shirt, Harry sat in the corner of the bed, letting out his frustrations whilst he dried his hair. He turned to Niall’s direction every now and then, watching his back under the sheet.

One more day, Harry thought. He’d try to make this inexistence between them work. He had to be happy or he’ll lose.

—-

“So Niall told you that they’re ignoring each other? Wow, you have some awfully nice skills of befriending someone, Li-Li.” Louis bemusedly brushed his thumb on his chin, carefully looking at his detective notebook, flipping the pages back and fro.

Being the leader of the Detective Squad that he formed, he asked his two friends, Zayn and Liam to come to school an hour earlier than their normal schedule to wait for Harry and Niall. They – or more likely Louis – wanted to see how the two of them would treat each other after what Louis had discovered, watching them from a table situated in front of the parking lot.

“We have to make sure we cannot be seen. You got me, Zayn? Li – _what the hell_?” Louis turned around and saw the two of them sleeping next to each other, Zayn resting his head on Liam’s shoulder. “Here I am, trying to make sure that our plan goes well and you two are just sleeping? You’ve got to be kidding me!” Louis shouted, surprising Zayn and Liam that they knocked each other’s head..

“The fuck was that for?” Zayn asked groggily, rubbing his head and his eyes at the same time. “You knocked on my window so goddamn early and now that I’m taking a nap, you’re going to wake me up. I shouldn’t have gone with this plan right from the very start.”

“Well, you’re already here so, no turning back.” Louis hit him with his notebook, noticing that Liam was already fiddling with his phone the moment he woke up. “Ohh, someone’s been taking this ‘texting thing with Niall’ seriously. Don’t tell me you’re getting attached to him already, Li-Li?” Louis moved back and sat beside him, nudging him with what he’s been texting to Niall.

“Oh shut up, Lou. Don’t include me to that ship. He just said good morning.” Liam pushed Louis away, standing up and stretching. “What are we doing in here anyway? It’s 6 in the morning Louis Tomlinson! I should still be asleep during this hour!”

“ _We_ should still be asleep, Liam.” Zayn corrected, standing up next to him and stretching back. “Do that knocking thing again and I swear I’ll kill you.” He said, glaring back at Louis.

Louis shook his head and jumped out from his seat, squeezing himself in the middle of Liam and Zayn. “Alright, already, I’m sorry for scaring the shit out of the two of you in such an ungodly time. It’s not like I do this every single day. And since you guys asked what we’re doing in here, we’re here to continue on with our investigation and to witness the development of Harry’s relationship with Niall. And one way to see it is, if we observe them without them knowing. I call this, the Naturalistic method.” Louis said, clapping his hands.

“Didn’t you just hear what Liam said a while ago? Niall decided to ignore Harry completely. What kind of development are we expecting in ‘ere?” Zayn asked.

“I know, I know, I heard it clearly. But can’t you see? It happened all of a sudden when we made Liam text Niall non-stop the whole day!” Louis dramatically turned around.

Liam scratched his head. “So?”

Louis scrunched. “Do I have to say everything before you guys get it?” The two nodded fervently. “God, I need new members!” He said exasperated. “Okay, listen because I don’t want to repeat this over and over again. Niall told Liam about everything on what happened that night. Harry saw his phone with Liam’s message on it, I assume he was angry not because of that beeping sound because who gets annoyed with a beeping sound but because he got jealous of Liam since the two of them are getting along. Remember that part where Harry told us, they’re no getting along. And so Harry, the temperamental guy that he is, said a lot of awful things to Niall and Niall snapped, telling Harry that they should ignore each other from now on and we’ll see if Harry’s affected by it!” Louis finished, holding onto Zayn’s shoulder as if he just ran a marathon.

“And how are we going to know if he’s affected?” Liam asked, yawning.

Louis covered his mouth in an instant, pressing his forehead on his. “Your job’s not done yet, Li-Li. Call Niall and you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

—-

Like the usual, the drive towards school was as silent and as awkward as ever. Harry was not in the mood to put in some music, still brooding about how Niall ignored him last night. He was glancing on Niall every now and then, arguing with himself if he should try to talk to him or not. He didn’t want to get ignored again at this time of the day.

Niall pretended he didn’t notice Harry was looking at him from time to time and it was making him uncomfortable. He thought things would be better, but it didn’t. Niall felt like Harry ate something that would allow him to talk non-stop. He pointed out why he’s putting too many syrup on his waffle, why he’s smelling like he used his shampoo, why he never properly close the door when he’s taking a bath, why he kept leaving his brush by the sink rather than toothbrush holder and more things that Harry never seemed to point out before.

Somehow, Niall thought that Harry might be doing this because he didn’t like being ignored. Or was it because he texted Liam and didn’t told him about it? Like that would even happen. Harry would never get jealous of Liam. Harry doesn’t care about him. But what if he was? What if Harry didn’t want him to get close to anyone except him? Well, he’s shit if that’s what he’s trying to do, but the possibility that this all might be true made his heart beat louder than ever before. He rested his hand on his chest without thinking, just feeling how his heart rate went up. _What the hell is wrong with him?_

Harry saw what Niall was doing, wondering what is it that he did to make him hold his chest. Did he see something scary? Was he nervous about something? Harry decided it was the right thing to ask, but before he could open his mouth, a melodic ring echoed inside the vehicle.

Harry looked back to the road, still observant of Niall scrambling his things inside his bag.

Niall took out his phone and stared at it, not sure if what he’s seeing was true. _Liam Payne: Calling_

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Harry’s voice made Niall flinch, immediately making him press the ‘Answer’ button.

“Hey, _Liam_. Uhm, goodmorning?”

Harry almost stepped onto the breaks when he heard Liam’s name. Liam? Liam James Payne is calling Niall this early? What? Why? Since when? Harry’s fingers curled tightly at the steering wheel.

“Yeah, I had a good sleep last night – what? _No_ , it’s – it’s fine really. Please. You don’t have to wait for me at the gate—“ Niall covered his mouth but it was too late, Harry heard it already and he doesn’t want to hear the rest of it. His mind was all over the place. Why would Liam ask him how Niall slept last night? They were friends for almost a decade and Liam never called him in the morning to ask him how he slept – and now he’s doing it with someone he just met? Does Louis know about what he’s doing? And what was this waiting on the gate? Since when did Liam waited for someone at the school gates?

“Eh I – I don’t think that’s a very good idea, no – but, Haro, I mean, he won’t allow that. I’m pretty sure of it.”

“Won’t allow what?” Harry asked furiously. He needed a proper answer from Niall, if he didn’t, Harry doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He knew he was close to losing it. He tapped his fingers impatiently, eyes swiftly shifting to the road then to Niall.

Niall reluctantly glanced towards Harry, seeing how he was looking at him furiously. He was talking to Liam, sure enough that would make Harry angry ever since that night he found out he was texting _his_ friend. If Harry found out that Liam’s asking him to have lunch with their group, Harry would be beyond furious. So instead of answering, Niall turned away and faced the window, hand still covering his mouth.

“Uhm, Liam? I think I’ll have to – _shit_!” Niall cursed as he felt the car swerve dangerously to the sidewalk and he almost felt his arse leave his seat when Harry pulled over and stepped on the brakes quickly. Niall held gripped his seatbelt, turning to Harry. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“What’s wrong? You’re asking me what the fuck is wrong?!” Harry slammed his fist on the dashboard, “I’m asking you something and you turn away as if I said nothing – I’m not talking to a goddamn wall!”

“Didn’t you listen when I told you let’s treat each other as if nobody existed? What’s wrong now? I thought this is what you wanted? You don’t want me pestering you, right? Then don’t fucking talk to me!” Niall repulsed. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I never agreed to this shit of yours! How can I pretend you’re not there, when all I see is your annoying face everywhere?” Harry bit his lip in restrain to stop himself from talking too much, he was at it again. He knew if he didn’t stop now, he’d say something he’ll regret, the same thing that brought him to this situation.

Niall knocked his fist on the window. “That’s not my fucking problem! I’m just going to remind you that we’re living in the same roof so whether you like it or not, you’d see my _annoying_ face everywhere. We’re both stuck in this situation so might as well try to get along with it!” Niall retorted. He couldn’t understand him. When he decided to ignore him, he’d be asking him to respond or say something. _God_ , this person is the worst. “Now will you please start driving because I don’t want to be late.”

“So what? So you’d see Liam wait for you at the gate? You like that do you? Getting all the attention now that you’re friends with someone like him?” Harry sneered, starting up the car.

Niall looked at him confusingly. Why was he suddenly bringing Liam into this? Why was he always thinking he was trying to get the attention of everyone? Doesn’t he realize that the only attention he wanted in the first place was his, without getting angry at him or looking at him with so much hate? How could he judge him that easily? What is it that he did wrong for Harry to think of him like this?

Going back to driving, Harry glanced back at Niall who didn’t bother defending himself any longer. So that’s it? He’d just admit everything that was thrown at him? He wouldn’t even defend himself? He’d rather listen to him say how much he craved for everyone’s attention than to shut him up? God, he pitied him.

Niall couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand sitting next to this person any longer. AS much as he wanted to convince him that he’s not that kind of person, Niall felt like it’d be a waste of time. Harry would never listen to him. It was useless. There’s no point of explaining something to a close-minded person. He wanted to leave, feeling the burn of his tears on his eyes. _No._ _No. No._

When he felt the car slowed down as they entered the school gate, Niall did only one thing he could think of – he removed his seatbelt and opened the door.

“I have to go.”

“W-What the fuck!?” But before Harry could stop it, he was staring into an empty seat, the car door open and he felt like time has literally stopped. He stepped out of the car and saw Niall limping his way away from him.

Harry froze to where he stood, seeing the students watching them in shock and confusion. He wanted to chase Niall. To tell him that he’s sorry for saying those words. He knew he went too far for Niall to jump his way out of the car. He knew he was wrong this time and he wished he could’ve chased him but just like his before, he only stood still and let Niall go.


	6. Chapter 6

The three of them were silent for a while as they just saw what happened to Niall and Harry, not to mention, they overheard their conversation on Niall’s phone.

They were almost about to celebrate, or more likely, Louis was almost celebrating that he proved Harry really wanted Niall’s attention and that he was 100% jealous of Liam and Niall’s closeness. What they didn’t expect was the sudden twist of the story and out of nowhere, Niall jumped off the car while it’s still moving and ran away from Harry, leaving him in the middle of the school, all eyes on both of them.

They saw how Niall limped his way to the building, and they all thought that Niall must’ve been really hurt – not just physically hurt – but hurt because of what Harry had told him.

“Is that – is that part of your plan?” Zayn asked, eyeing Harry’s car as it parked in his usual space..

Louis shook his head. “Not in my wildest dreams did I ever want an action scene in a love story.” If Louis was joking, Liam and Zayn didn’t feel like laughing. Liam tugged his shirt instead and ordered them to go talk to Harry.

“What are we going to say to him?”

“That he doesn’t have to worry if Niall hated him, because he doesn’t! Niall likes him. We all know that now. We just can’t watch the two of them hurt each other because they’re too stupid to accept their real feelings.” Liam looked at Zayn trying to get his vote on this one, but for the first time, the lad shook his head.

“We can’t just go in there and tell Harry that Niall likes him. He wouldn’t believe us even if we told that. It’s not that easy. Knowing Harry, he’s probably suppressing his feelings. If he really hates Niall, he should be swinging his fist on him the first time they met, but he didn’t. Hate is an easier word to use when you felt something different towards a person, you should know that.” Zayn said, smirking at the sight of Liam’s flustered face.

Liam turned to Louis who was already smiling from ear to ear. “What the hell are you smiling at?”

“Because Zayn understands what I’m trying to say, Li-Li. He’s right. We can’t just shove Harry’s dick into Niall’s ass and tell them to fuck, right? If they feel like doing it, they will-“

“Alright, alright. You don’t need to elaborate it with fucking. I understand it completely.”

“I’m just telling the truth. One of them will just burst and they’ll say their feelings all at once! Then –boom! Angry sex, on the way!” Louis clapped his hands, gesturing the three to head towards Harry.

“God, please, stop pointing everything to sex.” Liam was almost about to hit Louis when they finally reached Harry’s car.

“Harry?” Louis knocked on the window and Harry didn’t look quite surprised seeing Louis pop out of nowhere. “Are you alright?”

Harry sighed before removing his keys and stepping out of the car. He looked behind Louis and saw Liam and Zayn as well.

“You see what happened there, didn’t you?” Harry asked.

The three lads nodded and he never felt embarrassed like this way he wanted the earth to swallow him alive. He kept remembering Niall’s face before he stepped out of the car, limping on his way to his room, wounds on his arms and knees, Harry couldn’t take it, he felt such a bad person and he was certain that Louis would be pointing that one out in a matter of seconds.

“Whatever you did back in the car was completely uncalled for, Harry. Nobody takes a leap from a moving car unless their soul wanted to get away from something. And I’m sure you did something to make Niall jump out of our car.” Louis’s voice was rather calm when he said it, and it made Zayn and Liam exchanged looks, thinking how Louis was able to shift his personality that fast. “You have to apologize to him, right now.”

Harry raised his eyebrow, “He’s having a class - ”

“And he’s hurt.” Louis interrupted, “You know more than any of us here why he jumped out of your car all of a sudden. You have to apologize to him now, or Zayn will do something.”

Louis turned to face Zayn whose face was more confused than Harry. Harry looked to his direction as well, and so was Liam. Zayn sighed. “If – If you don’t apologize to Niall right now, I’ll drag your ass into his room and you won’t like what I say when I get in there.”

—-

When Niall entered to his room, none of his classmates showed any concern for what happened to him. His wounds on his elbows and hands were clearly visible and there were two holes in his pants, revealing the scratches on his knees.

He opened up his book, scanning aimlessly to get his mind off of what happened back there. But everything was so clear to him, the scene was playing to his head like a movie and he can’t help the tears that were building up in his eyes. He never felt so helpless before, like the whole world was laughing at him, telling him that he didn’t belong in this place.

He immediately wiped the tears that were just about to fall when he cringed in pain, looking at his palm that was dirty, smeared by blood and full of scratches. He wanted to go home – he wanted to go back to Ireland. He doesn’t care if he would have to leave alone, as long as he’s far away from every person in here, even Harry.

Suddenly, the door swung open, taking the attention of everyone inside the class.

When Niall saw Harry on the door, his noses flared, the urge to throw the book at him, the table, the chair and all things he could touch was so strong. Harry stepped inside the classroom without asking for permission, heading straight towards Niall’s table and grabbed his wrist.

Niall struggled instantly. “Get your hands off me, Styles!” He shouted, not caring for a thing or two that they were staring to make another scene inside the room.

“Since when did you learn to call me by my last name?” Harry pulled Niall out of his chair with so much ease, grabbing his things while he did it. The whole class just watched them in silence as they made their way out of the room. When they reached the building’s main entrance, Niall stepped on his foot, making Harry let go of his hands.

“What the hell was that for?!” Harry yelped, lifting his foot and massaging the part that was pulsing in pain. “I’m trying to help you with your wounds, you idiot.”

“I don’t need your fucking help.” Niall pulled his bag away from Harry’s shoulders but Harry immediately grabbed the strap. “Let go of my bag!”

“Come to the clinic with me!” Harry argued. “You need to clean your goddamn wounds!”

“And whose fault do you think it is?” Niall was on the verge of crying again, tugging the bag as hard as he could. The feeling of hatred and confusion was building up too much – he hated Harry, he wanted his attention, he hated him, he wanted to know if he missed him – it was making his head ache.

“I know – I know it’s my fault. Just, let the fuck – go – you just have to go to the clinic, let the doctor clean your wounds and then I’ll leave.” Harry panted, still struggling to pull the bag away from Niall and then he felt the blond finally loosened his grip. He saw how Niall’s eyes looked at him with so much hate, something he was used to seeing, but the feeling of that painful grip on his chest was unexpected.

—-

“The doctor’s not here.” Niall stepped out of the door, ready to leave when Harry pulled him back to the room and threw him onto one of the chairs. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I know a thing or two when it comes to first aid so would you please calm your ass down and let me do it?” Harry walked into the drawer and found a box marked with a big red cross. He opened it and put out some gauze, band aids, cotton balls, an alcohol and an antiseptic wound remedy. Niall glanced to where Harry was and was convinced that he really knew things about first aid.

Harry pulled a chair, settling in front of Niall. “Knees first,” Harry ordered, spreading his legs so Niall would put his foot on that small space between his thighs. Harry started to roll his pants up to his knee, exposing a bigger wound. “So stupid…”

“I’m sorry?” Niall didn’t quite hear what he was trying to say, but he was sure that Harry was saying something mean again to him, “If you don’t want to do it, give me-“

“No. Let me do it. I - I did this to you.” Harry blocked his hand away. “Just – just shut up, okay?” Harry murmured and Niall inhaled sharply, thinking when Harry will learn to say words that are less offending.

They stayed silent as Harry took care of Niall’s wounds. He delicately dabbed the cotton to the scratches on his knees and each time Niall winces, Harry felt guiltier. He never thought of hurting Niall this way – no, he never really wanted to hurt Niall at all. When he finally wrapped it with a band aid, Harry looked up, meeting Niall’s eyes that were carefully watching him. It was something Niall didn’t expect seeing. Those green eyes that used to look at him with so much hate and judgment was looking at him with so much care and worry.

Harry didn’t know how long he wanted to stay looking at those blue eyes. It was like seeing Niall in an entirely different way. Niall wasn’t looking at him with disgust, with hatred and he didn’t avert his eyes like he always did before. Harry could feel his heart beating so fast he didn’t notice he was pressing the cotton too hard on Niall’s palm.

“Ow!” Niall flinched, breaking their eye contact.

“I – I’m sorry,” Harry said, his thumb massaging Niall’s wrist and dabbing the cotton back to his wounds.

“It’s alright – “

“No. I’m sorry.” Harry put down the cotton, looking at his cleaned wound. “I’m sorry I did this to you. I said awful things back there.” Harry found difficulty in saying what he really wanted to say, but he believes he’s part of the people who just can’t easily express what they wanted to say. “I didn’t mean to say you’re trying to get everyone else’s attention.”

Harry gulped at the same time Niall did. He had no idea what to say or do after hearing Harry’s apology. He just watched as Harry wraps his hand with the gauze carefully. All of a sudden, the image of him being the older brother somehow flipped – given their situation, it was like Harry’s the older one.

“I’m sorry for what I also said before.” Niall mumbled. “All of It, I guess.”

“You guess? You’re not sure?” Harry ghosts a smile, reaching for Niall’s other hand, prodding cotton in it.

“I – I’m sure! It’s just that, I’ve said too many things. I can’t remember them anymore but I – I’m sorry about all of them.” Niall wanted to cover his face with embarrassment. He never had this close conversation with Harry before, let alone something this serious and it was nerve-wracking.

“It’s alright. We both don’t know.” Harry smiled, and Niall felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest the second he saw Harry’s dimple on his left cheek. For the first time, he was sure it was directed towards him and Niall couldn’t help but to smile back.

“Alright, it’s done.” Harry stood up, turning away too fast that Niall thought the moment was too precious it slipped away too fast. “You could go back to your class now. They might be looking for you.”

Niall didn’t know what suddenly hit harry and he could hear the shift from his voice. That’s it? He just cured his wounds and apologized for what happened? He didn’t want to talk about more things, like what’s going to happen now?

Niall didn’t deny it this time, he was disappointed. He almost thought things would start right from now on, but feeling the change of atmosphere between them, it was still far from happening. Just as he thought he had break in to one of Harry’s walls, he put up another one.

“No one’s going to look for me.” Niall whispered, standing up and taking his bag. “I guess, I’ll see you at house then?” Niall tried but Harry just gave him a distant ‘uh huh’ and Niall bit his lip before he could say anything mean to Harry again. He stepped out of the door and shut it in the loudest way possible.

When he left, Harry crashed into the floor, his hand on his chest, his mouth agape, feeling the air slowly being sucked out of his. He was touching Niall, for the first time. He looked at him and Niall looked back, again, for the first time. And he smiled back when he did, also for the first time.

 It was all too much to handle at once and Harry had to control himself. He felt the sudden urge to kiss Niall, regardless of what reason. Something about the way they looked into each other’s eyes almost made Harry believed that beyond their hatred, lies this certain feeling they both knew existed only for the two of them. But Harry couldn’t risk it now. He had to keep up with this façade until he knows Niall’s true feelings.

And he hoped it wouldn’t be that long before this situation comes up again.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall pressed his palm on his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart as if it was going to burst any minute. _What the hell happened back there?_ For what seems to be like an eternity, he and Harry just stared right to each other’s eyes like there were so many things they have to say and yet, none of them said anything at all.

And Harry – _that bastard_ – how bipolar could he be? In a minute, he’ll be like this very loud person saying all those hateful things in one sentence, making him feel miserable and then suddenly Harry was dragging him out of his classroom because he wanted to apologize and take care of his wounds. And just when Niall thought everything would be alright and they would come out of the clinic together, laughing – he suddenly switched back to his usual attitude towards him.

Sighing, Niall turned his head back, wishing Harry was just following him from behind, probably thinking that was rude of him and he’d apologize, but when Niall saw nothing but an empty hallway, he didn’t bother waiting. Maybe Harry realized he didn’t want to apologize after all. Maybe Harry just got carried away and now he’s thinking it was very stupid of him to apologize to someone he hated so much/

If only they stayed in there for a little longer, maybe Niall could’ve gotten the courage to tell him what he really felt for the younger lad. From the way Harry had treated him back there, Niall knew Harry isn’t really that rude. He had a soft spot for him and if he didn’t ask him to go, Niall would’ve told Harry that he doesn’t really hate him. All those words he bitterly spat on Harry before was only his way of defending himself for Harry’s merciless treatment everytime they see each other. Niall was kind of hoping that they could properly start all over again and be like normal brothers.

Niall stopped. _Okay_ , so he really wasn’t sure for the last part. There were a lot of things that kept bothering him ever since he saw Harry standing at the doorway, glaring at him. For now, he wanted to get along with Harry, get to know him better and hoped that inside that ruthless person, Harry would give him a chance to have a small space inside his heart.

—-

Niall was just about to step back inside his building when a familiar voice called out his name. He turned around and saw Louis, Liam and Zayn waving their hands to his direction.

“Heading back to class?” Louis approached him, hooking his arm around his neck. When Niall nodded, Louis’s arm grew heavier. We’re going to watch a movie in my house. You should come with us.” Louis said. He was definitely _not_ asking.

“I – but Harry…”

“Don’t worry about Harry.” Liam interrupted, pulling Louis’s arm away and dragging him away from Niall. “Uhm, so about this morning, did he, you know – apologized or anything?“

Niall didn’t know why he suddenly felt disappointed, thinking that Harry only apologized because the three of them insisted him to do so. “Yeah. He dragged me all the way out of my classroom to the clinic, yelling at me to cure my wounds – wait, h-how – you didn’t see it, right?” Niall’s cheeks burned, the scene of what happened in the morning flashed back, and the thought of these three seeing him do that jump out of the car made him want to do it all over again from his embarrassment.. “Oh God-“

“Nah, it’s alright, Niall, we’re not going to make fun of it – I know Harry could really be an ass sometimes. You have all the reason to jump out of the car,” Zayn said, tapping him gently in the back. “It’s nice to hear that Harry took care of your wounds, though.”

The four of them headed towards the parking lot, stopping in front of a black BMW Ranger.

Louis leaned to the backseat’s door as Zayn searched his bag for his keys. “Oh yeah, Harry’s good with all that first aid thing. I think it’s given that one of us always causes trouble and someone had to be ready in case we cut our fingers or something.” Louis said, hitting Zayn’s nape when he saw that key was just in his pockets.

“Harry had been quite paranoid ever since Louis had this thing of being to near-death situations.” Liam added, making Louis roll his eyes at him. “We always get into trouble when we’re with him.”

They all settled inside the car, Niall taking the passenger seat, while Louis and Liam started bickering at the back seat.

“’When we’re with him’”, Louis scoffed, mimicking Liam’s voice when the car started moving. “You say it like you don’t want it when I’m with _you._ ”

“W-what are you saying?”

“Oh, Li-Li. Don’t act innocent. I’m the actor in here. You know that I know how much you want it when _I’m_ around.” Louis teased, scooting closer to Liam while the other lad kept pushing Louis away.

“Don’t worry. They’re always like that.” Zayn said, noticing Niall’s reaction from the way Liam looked like he was close to hitting Louis. “Louis won’t miss a day not trying to piss him off. It’s like his mission or something. They hated each other at first – Liam’s my friend, and Louis is Harry’s, when Harry and I met, we decided to let the two get along – it was _absolute_ torture.”

 “Get off me! Don’t rub your filthy hand on my head!” Niall looked back, wondering if Zayn got it wrong with ‘hating each other at first’ because from the way Liam’s struggling to get away from Louis, he looked like he’s not even near to liking him. “God! The seat’s big enough for two of us – don’t –“ Liam’s words turned into streams of grumbles when Louis force his way on Liam’s lap, still dodging Liam’s hands to get a hold of his head.

“Aww, Li-Li! You know how I like it when I touch your head, come on – just – once“

“No – get off me! This is embarrassing, people outside are looking for Christ’s sake!”

“We never knew the exact date when they started to get along,” Zayn leaned back, smiling as he glanced to the rearview mirror.

“Do we look like we’re getting along, Zayn?” Liam interrupted, slapping away Louis’s hand before it reached his head. “Is this, what getting along looks like to you?”

“Oh, you love me – Li-Li!” Liam didn’t see Louis’s other hand from behind and started rubbing Liam’s head as if it was some kind of crystal ball. Liam must’ve given up, seeing that he didn’t struggle any longer and just looked at Louis like he’s telling something only the two of them mutually understands. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

Niall blinked. He wasn’t expecting to see the next thing to happen. Louis was dipping his head, catching Liam’s lips. Liam’s hands were suddenly on Louis’s waist, ruffling his shirt. W-wait. Are they – _are they kissing?_ Niall quickly turned back to his seat, hands suddenly tightening on his seatbelt, feeling like he saw something he shouldn’t have. When he looked back at Zayn, he was just smiling like he already knows what he’s thinking.

“I told you they get along, really well,” Zayn whispered. “You and Harry – I’m pretty sure both of you will be okay, soon.”

Niall pressed his back on his seat. “You think so? I think it’s impossible. Harry hates me so much. He doesn’t have to say it.”

“How could you be so sure? Some people aren’t that great when expressing what they truly feel. Most of the time, they express it in a wrong way. Give my friend a chance. I think he’s really trying.” Zayn squeezed his shoulder.

Niall remained silent for the rest of the drive. If what Zayn said was true, then that means Harry wanted both of them to get along as well. He smiled at the thought. There’s still a chance for them to fix this.

—-

“So you invited Niall to watch movie while I stay in here and finish this stupid homework?” Harry pressed his cheek further to his phone, as if it wasn’t pressed enough. “As far as I can remember, I am your friend, _Louis._ ” He heard Louis chuckle on the other line.

“I know, I know but you have to understand, if you’re here, then Niall wouldn’t be here, or something like that. He’s scared that you might do something and embarrass him in front of us.”

Harry gripped his phone tighter. “He said that?” He doesn’t know why he was getting furious about this or more like, that stupid clench on his stomach that’s close to being hurt, which was stupid. Why would he be scared of being embarrassed, when he’s the one who did that to himself. He fucking jumped out of the car. He didn’t push him or anything.

There was a long pause. “And what would you do if he did. Would you convince him that he’s wrong?” You see, the thing about Louis, he knows exactly what he’s thinking. He knows what’s going through his head and he liked to challenge him about it. Harry thinks he knows him too much it’s a bit scary.

“I don’t know – I don’t – _I don’t care_.” Harry looked up, massaging the bridge of his nose. He walked closer to the window, head flicking left and right, waiting for that black car of Zayn to pull up in front of their house. Why was he waiting for him anyways?

“That’s the problem with you, Hazza. I know you care, but you keep acting like you don’t. Put yourself on Niall’s position, how lonely he is in here – having no friends at all and the only person he could get along with turns out to hate him. What would you feel?”

Harry stayed silent, eyes pinned on the empty road. “You’re the only one who could make him feel like he belongs in here.” Louis added.

“He hates me.” Harry breathed through his nose. It was a lot different when he’s admitting it, like something was repeatedly kicking his gut. “He hates being here.” _It hurts._

Louis sighed. “And why do you think he does? You don’t have to tell me, observing the two of you is enough. Now I won’t go forcing you to start right away and make peace with Niall, but please, before you say something, before you do something, think of how he’ll feel about it, okay? You’re a smart kid. You’re just kind of – _you know_ , thick-headed and dense sometimes.” They both laughed. “You understand what I’m saying, right?”

Harry heard a chuckle on the other line. If he wasn’t too busy following the familiar car driving in front of his house, he’d be asking why Liam’s still with him. “Yeah, I understand – they’re here. And Louis?

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For taking care of Niall today.”

“Yeah, sure – whatever.” And then Louis hung up.

He watched as Niall and Zayn stood next to each other, Zayn teling him something, since Niall kept on nodding. _What is it? What are they talking about?_ Then Zayn held Niall’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug that made Harry’s hand twitch. Why is he being so touchy with Niall? And why is he reacting this way, anyways? It’s not like it’d affect him.

Harry was just about to turn away when he saw Zayn lifted his head, meeting his eyes and then blatantly smirking at him. Harry’s jaw dropped which made Zayn’s lips quirk up a bit higher before he went back to his car. _That bastard._ He knew he was watching.

When he heard the door shut downstairs and his mum’s voice greeting Niall, Harry suddenly panicked and jumped to bed, hastily opened his books and put on his earphones. There’s no way he’d let Niall know he was waiting for him.

When Niall entered the room, Harry felt the same way he did back there in the clinic, that uneven twist I his stomach and the irregular clenching of his lungs that made it hard for him to breathe properly.

Harry took of his left earphone. “Uh, you’re here.” Harry wanted to hit his head in the wall. He should’ve come up with a proper greeting.

 “Yeah. Louis, Liam and Zayn asked me to come with them…” Niall replied, walking his way to his table and sat on his chair.

 _That’s it?_ Harry sat up straight, not believing that’s how far their conversation went to. He didn’t even ask if it was alright that he came home alone or if he waited for him. What if Louis didn’t call him? What if he was still there in the school, waiting for him? If he hadn’t spoken to Louis, he’d probably be saying something mean to him again.

In the end, hours passed by and Harry did nothing but stare at Niall’s back. He sat there, pondering what Louis had told him while he listened to the sound of pages flipping, pens scribbling and the tapping of Niall’s finger on his desk.

Calling it quits with Niall would be a hard task. He’s not like Louis who could say anything so easily. He’s not as gentle as Liam when it comes to his words (well, maybe except for Louis) and he’s definitely not like Zayn who literally do whatever he wants without giving a fuck of what others think of him.

He knows himself. He knows how bad he is with words and actions. He’s not someone who could admit things easily. He’s not someone who could just open up his problems out of nowhere and he’s definitely not someone who would jump into things without thinking about it thoroughly. He also knows how things could go out of hand when he let his feelings take control of him.

That time the clinic, he swore he could’ve done something to Niall. The way he looked at him, Harry felt like someone was pushing him closer and closer to the edge and if he stayed longer, he’d fall for it and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. The way his palms prickled and the way it was so hot all over his body, he could’ve done something more than what he was expecting to do.

When he felt his phone vibrate somewhere, Harry opened his eyes and realized he took a nap. He rubbed his eyes and looked to his side, expecting to see Niall already asleep beside him, but he wasn’t there. Raising his head, he saw Niall slouching on his desk, head buried on his arms. He had fallen asleep as well.

Harry cleaned his bed and stood up, silently walking his way towards the lad.

He carefully peeked to where Niall’s face was facing and Harry wasn’t able to stop himself from smiling from what he saw.

Niall’s mouth was open and there was a pool of saliva marked on the paper under his arms. Harry stifled his laugh with his one hand while he grabbed his phone from his bed and pointed the camera to Niall’s face. He took a shot and quickly shoved it back to his pocket, in case Niall suddenly wakes up. _Okay._ He just took a picture of him because it was funny, no big deal. It’s just a picture, he’ll delete it later.

Harry brought a hand on his back and started shaking Niall, in the gentlest way possible.  When Niall didn’t move an inch, he shook him harder. The lad moved a little, closing his mouth and swallowing, but Harry was sure he was still dreaming. He tried to shake with much vigor and called his name, finally, Niall opened his eyes.

“H-hey…” Niall said groggily, standing up immediately that their noses dangerously brushed when Niall turned around. Harry’s body went completely paralyzed, his fingers touching the part where their skins brushed. He looked back to see Niall already lying in the middle of the bed, face first.

“Stop. Stop. Stop.” Harry muttered, pounding his fist on his chest. He took a minute and leaned against the wall, just staring at Niall and trying to calm down. Taking one deep breath, Harry stood in front of the bed and realized he had to move Niall in order for him to sleep properly as well. “Seriously, he's like Zayn when he’s drunk.”

Holding both of Niall’s ankles, Harry dragged them to place his legs properly to his side and then Harry flipped him over, so he’d be adjacent with his legs. Niall should thank him after this. He was being kind enough not to kick him out of the bed and just let him sleep in the floor.

After he turned off the lights, Harry lied on his side, facing away from Niall. There’s no way he’d wake up seeing Niall’s face again, like what happened in the morning of their first day of school.

Harry’s eyes weren’t closed yet when a warm feeling suddenly pressed on his back. He remained on his position, telling himself that it was just Niall’s pillow when he felt something soft and wet touched his nape. “Shit!” Harry shuddered, turning around and covering the back of his neck. “For fuck’s sake, Niall don’t-“

He cut himself off, seeing Niall deeply asleep and there was no way he could’ve faked that kiss so fast. Harry’s lungs squeezed as he rubbed the part where Niall’s lips had been – it burned and the feeling travelled quickly to his entire body.

“Harreh…” Niall mumbled, snuggling closer that Harry had to lift his arm to let him. Harry could hear his heavy breathing now and his chest was probably being too obvious about it, but Harry wasn’t so sure. His head was spinning, his eyes staring into his hand that was still hovering above Niall’s body, curled up next to him, his face already nuzzling on his neck. As if that wasn’t enough, Niall hooked his legs on Harry’s hips, pulling Harry closer as he placed one arm on his waist.

“Woah – woah, Niall…” Niall moved a little, the tips of his hair brushing on Harry’s chin that the lad let out a helpless squirm. There’s no way he could remain calm at this position. It was too hot, too close. “Shit, why are you doing this…?”

“Harry hates me, mum…” Harry shifted, feeling Niall’s lips drag against his skin. “He hates me… I – I don’t belong in here.”

Silence.

_“That’s the problem with you, Hazza. I know you care, but you keep acting like you don’t. Put yourself on Niall’s position, how lonely he is in here – having no friends at all and the only person he could get along with turns out to hate him. What would you feel?”_

Harry closed his eyes. _“You’re the only one who could make him feel like he belongs in here.”_

And as if someone had pressed a button somewhere inside him, Harry gently dropped his arm and pulled Niall closer. He pressed his lips on his head, mumbling, “You belong in here, Niall. You belong here, _with me._ ”


	8. Chapter 8

Niall shut his eyes tight, the feeling of waking up, settling in. He moved his feet, turned away the duvet and moved his hips a little, bumping onto something he really hadn’t comprehended yet. He felt something on his stomach, assuming it was his pillow or Harry’s, but he ignored it.

He blinked twice, slowly creasing his eyebrows from the unusual feeling pressed on his neck. Feeling like it was too warm and a bit hard to be a pillow, Niall turned around and he almost squeaked from what he saw.

He looked at where Harry’s arm was stretched out and to his shock it was where he was comfortably lying. His face was just inches away from Harry and if he move an inch closer, he could already feel the warm air coming from his mouth. Still to add from the peculiarity of this morning, Niall gently moved his head down and saw Harry’s other arm draped on his waist. Was he drunk last night and didn’t remember anything from this event?

No, of course he wasn’t. He was studying on his table while Harry was lying in bed. So, how did he get back to bed? Niall shook his head. That wasn’t the question. What bothers him is how they ended up in this position. They’ve been sharing the same bed for a month now, and they never get this close.

Niall looked back at Harry’s face – God, even when he’s asleep, he still looks like he’s furious about something. Niall hoped it wasn’t him whom Harry was dreaming of. His eyes trailed down to his lips, something Niall never missed to wonder how it always looked so puckered even in the mornings, wherein it should be dry, like his. Niall bit his bottom lip, feeling the cracks underneath his teeth and mumbling something about how he never got that kind of instant chapstick treatment on when it comes to his mouth.

He was about to turn around, when Harry moved and pulled Niall closer, his other hand gripping tightly on his waist. Niall stilled, feeling the warmth of Harry’s lips lightly touching his forehead and that steady blow of his breathing prickling against his skin.

Niall decided he couldn’t stay much longer in this position. He’d rather die than let Harry see them like this. Worse, he was getting comfortable and from the way his whole body was reacting, he might do something he’ll regret.

He started to move his head away first, looking up to make sure Harry wasn’t going to wake up. But before he could push him away, his eyes landed back to Harry’s lips again. Niall squeezed his shirt, the tightening of his chest becoming too much. He knew this was wrong. Harry hated him. He hated Harry. Kissing him isn’t supposed to be part of this hatred, and yet, there he was, ignoring the voices inside his head that was screaming ‘Don’t do that!’ and slowly leaned in, staring down to where their lips would meet.

Just as their lips were just a strand apart, Harry backed away, eyes staring back at him with utter surprise and horror in his face, Niall felt someone had just kicked him in his gut. Harry was about to open his mouth when Niall pulled himself away, scrambled out of the bed and shut himself inside the bathroom. He knocked his head a few times, wishing this was just a fucked-up dream and he’d wake up anytime soon and that there was no way Harry saw him trying to steal a kiss.

—-

Harry was in the exact position where Niall left him: a numb arm stretched out, body sideways and his other hand resting on the empty spot where Niall had been. Few minutes later, Harry heard the bathroom door open and Niall’s heavy steps as he left the room.

“What the fuck was that?” Harry grunted, sitting up and turning his head to the door. What was he doing looking at him like that and being so close? Was there something wrong with his face? Harry examined his face immediately, no bumps, no scratches or anything worth worrying for. Could he be that kind of creeper who watches people when they sleep?

Being a creep aside, that was by far, the closest one he got to see Niall. It was a lot different when everything was in close up. Harry never thought Niall would look at him like that – as if he _liked_ something about what he was seeing.  His fingertips unconsciously touched his lips, was Niall attempting to kiss him?

Harry snorted. As if he’d do that. Niall might be an idiot, but he wouldn’t go that far. He hates him. There’s no way he’s that stupid not to know that you don’t kiss the person you hate. So what exactly was he doing?

And then he realized the reason why Niall was so close was because of him.

“Oh God-“ Harry remembered pushing his arms under Niall’s neck and letting him lie on it, “Oh God, oh God,” He remembered draping his other arm on his waist so that he could pull Niall closer, “Please tell me he didn’t see all of it…” Harry ran his fingers through his hair, he could already imagine the look from Niall’s face – how shocked he was to be in that position. Niall was probably attempting to push him away that time he woke up, but then he panicked and ran away.

Harry had a feeling the following days were going to be awkward.

\---

It did.

It was so obvious that even Anne and Bobby noticed that something was wrong between their sons. The two might think she was oblivious of how they were treating each other, but Anne had been aware of it since the first time they met.

The thing is, it’s different from the past couple of days. They weren’t arguing. Instead, they were avoiding each other. She would catch Harry staring at Niall and when the lad looks to his direction, Harry would snort as if Niall did something. She was also used to hearing Niall and Harry’s silent banters, but for some reasons, they weren’t any. Harry always seemed to notice something about what Niall was doing especially when the four of them are eating together, but lately, Harry didn’t say a word.

She had been planning to talk it over to Bobby, but it seemed that he was already noticing it, from the way he was eyeing the lads.

Anne thought it would only last for a week, so she never mentioned anything. But weekend was coming and their dinner night was again, surrounded by a cold and awkward atmosphere.

“Boys, are you two alright? I noticed you haven’t talked to each other for days.” Anne asked, placing down her spoon. She saw the way Harry averted her gaze, a sign that Harry doesn’t want to talk about it and Niall lowered his head, acting like it wasn’t directed to him and continued chewing his food without looking at her. “Did the two of you fight?”

Harry turned to face her immediately and so was Niall, both of them saying all the words at once:

“What, no! We – we just are kind of tired,”

“Yeah, school. I’ve been really busy.”

“Uh, yes. We’re doing a lot of stuffs. It’s going to be our examination week soon….”

“Yeah – is it time of the year already? My, how time flies, haha.”

Anne and Bob watched in amusement as Niall finished his food in a hurry and excused himself that he’s going out for a walk. When Niall left, Harry stood up and excused himself as well, saying he had a lot of things to do, bidding the two of them goodnight.

After a few seconds of silence, Bobby was finally able to swallow his food. “Wow.”

“Yeah, _wow._ It’s the first time I’ve seen them like this.” Anne said.

“D’you want me to talk to Niall, or -?” Bobby asked but Anne shook her head.

“No, no. It’s alright. I’m pretty sure both of them are going to fix that. They can’t be like that forever.” She said, smiling.

“Well, they are brothers anyway,” Bobby raised his eyebrow, slicing in another piece of his chicken. “What is it?”

“What?” Anne answered distractedly.

“You’re thinking about something, what is it?” Bobby put down his fork, putting his attention to her, who was nervously fiddling her fingers. “Is there something I should know about the two of them?”

Anne put down her hands on her lap, beaming at Bobby. “No. It’s nothing. I’m just worried about what they fought about.”

Bobby coked his head. “Are you sure that’s the only reason?”

Anne nodded. “Yes, I’m sure.”

—-

“God, they’re so obvious, aren’t they?” Louis said to Zayn, who was bent over the small fridge, taking out bottles of beer. “Have you seen what they did in the bathroom a while ago?” Zayn shook his head.

“Harry was inside the bathroom, and Niall didn’t know he was in there, so when Harry opened the door, the first thing he saw was Niall and they were like there, staring and moving and blocking each other’s ways for the next two minutes,” Louis imitated what they were doing, stepping to the right then scratching his head, then to the left and repeating the same thing over again. “Are you getting this, Malik?”

“Lou – stop it, okay? I get it from your explanation, no need to do that over and over again. You’re making me dizzy.” Zayn placed the bottles on top of the counter. “Something might’ve happened that’s why they’re acting this way again.”

“That’s not new with those two, something always happens between them.” Harry’s shout of victory was heard over the kitchen, while Louis saw Liam slumping back at the couch, he lost against him for the third time. Meanwhile, Niall was curled up on the other side of the seat, just silently watching the two, but most likely, watching Harry, it wasn’t hard not to see it. “We need to do something.”

“No, we’re not. Last time you came up with a plan, you almost killed Niall.” Zayn popped one bottle open.

“But it worked! Although the action scene was not part of my plan, I’m pretty sure it still worked out. They wouldn’t be acting like this if it didn’t.” Louis cocked his eyebrows. “They’re more aware of their feelings now.” He said, taking the bottle away from Zayn and taking a quick swig. “My ship is smoothly-sailing, and it wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t because of my plan.”

Zayn took another bottle, cursing Louis for taking his. “So what’s your plan?”

He gave Zayn a wink before running his way in front of the TV screen.

“It’s time to involve in some alcohol!” Louis announced and then screaming afterwards after Liam kicked his groin, taking away the only moment where he was almost close to kicking his first goal.


	9. Chapter 9

A week after Louis’s announcement back at his house, the five lads finally found their free time and were on their way towards the nearest bar in town.

“Louis, I’m not used going to bars and dancing –“

“Nialler, Nialley Niall, Niall,” Louis sang, cutting him off as Louis draped one arm on Niall’s neck. Harry can’t seem to understand why until now, seeing anyone from his group touching Niall brings a sting to his chest. “You don’t have to dance. It’s not a requirement, ary’t? Just have fun!”

“Louis, get away from Niall – you sounded so drunk already.” Liam pulled Louis by the arm and Harry was glad to see how Louis easily slipped his hands away and threw his body towards Liam instead. “I didn’t say you stick to me, you twat.”

“I know you’d be jealous, Li-Li. It’s alright. I’m here now,” Louis kissed Liam’s cheek repeatedly, making Zayn do that gagging noise while Niall ended up giggling and making sure he kept a safe distance away from Louis. “I’m completely yours, babe.”

Harry saw the way Liam’s face shifted from full of hate to utter fondness, as if he was looking at the most precious thing in the world – or person. He always knew the two of them hated each other to the very core. Liam hated Louis’s over-exaggeration over things, how childish he was and how he always meddles with others business. For Louis, he doesn’t clearly understand how Liam was able to make friends because he was such a killjoy and he hated how Liam was always shouting and scolding people over small things. It was so weird seeing them this close to the extent that Liam’s alright of Louis kissing him in public.

He glanced towards Niall who was deeply entertained from watching Liam and Louis. They still haven’t talked to each other yet, even after his mum’s confrontation. Harry didn’t know they were already being too obvious much to the point that his mum noticed, or if his mum is really that good on noticing a lot of things. He wondered if Bobby noticed it too. Niall still avoided him and Harry couldn’t find the courage to break the ice. First, he had no idea what to say even if they had the chance to talk and second, the last time they had a serious conversation almost ended up giving him a heart attack.

“You alright, mate?” Zayn waved his hand in front of Harry, pulling him back to reality. “We’re here.”

Harry forced a smile and followed Zayn from behind, finally entering the bar.

\---

Louis raised his glass of beer. “Drink’s on me, tonight! Tonight, we’re celebrating – _ehrm_ – Niall and Harry’s brom- I mean, brotherhood! Yes, yes, brotherhood! Of course, what else could it be, so _cheers_!” Louis clinked his glasses to the rest of the boys who were all too embarrassed to cheer with him.

\---

The night dragged in and they finished their first bucket of beer, most of it finished by Niall and Louis. To Harry’s surprise, Niall seemed to be so fascinated with the idea of getting thrashed. He accepted every bottle Louis had shoved to him without any resistance. Harry didn’t really want to care, but he couldn’t help looking at him each time the blond knocks in another bottle.

“Aye, aye! Niall, you’re quite the drinker, aren’t you?” Louis tapped his shoulder, pushing the fresh bucket at the center of the table. Harry glared at Louis, but it was so clear he had no plans of listening to him this time. Really, he should stop Niall before he gets really drunk and no, that’s not because he’s worried – Harry keep telling to himself – he just didn’t want to bring his drunk ass home. He doesn’t even know how Niall is when he’s drunk and he had no plans of knowing. In the end, he couldn’t say it and just looked away when Louis uncapped Niall’s bottle, giggling before they drank at the same time.

“I’m Irish, it’s natural for us to drink.” Niall boasted, making Harry snort.  “Back at Ireland, I could finish like, three buckets.” He said, finishing another bottle with a satisfied, ‘Ah’ while Zayn and Louis cheered, leaving Liam shaking his head and silently eyeing Harry.

“How ‘bout you Haz, you haven’t finished your first one, yet. Not in the mood to drink?” Louis turned his attention to him, which he was hoping he wouldn’t, seeing Niall do the same.

“These drinks are too light. I need something stronger.” Harry pushed his chair and walked away, heading to the bar. “God, why did I say that.” Harry ruffled his hair as he sat on one of the stools, still facing their table. He noticed Zayn wasn’t there anymore.

“Looking for me?” Zayn popped out beside him. “Drinks are too light huh? That’s a good excuse.”

“Shut up, I need to get away. My ears are starting to bleed from Louis’s constant shouting. Christ, he never ran out of things to say.” That was one reason, but really, Harry couldn’t stay sitting there without feeling like an idiot, waiting for Niall to be drunk enough to notice him. He raised his hand when the bartender turned to their direction. “One scotch please –“

“Make that two,” Zayn added. “So what’s the real problem?”

“What problem?”

“Really, Harold? Still keeping secrets from me? I’m hurt.”

“You’re sounding a lot more like Louis.” Harry sloshed down his drink in one gulp, hissing from the burn running down his throat.

“Seriously, what’s up? You’ve been quiet ever since you two arrived at my house. Did something happen?” Zayn asked, running his thumb on the glass’s rim.

Harry sighed. “I felt like I’ve been hearing the same question over and over and over again.”

“Then try to answer it so people would stop asking.” Zayn said, taking a sip. “How’s it going with you and Niall?”

He got a point. Maybe he’d feel better if he let some of his frustrations out, something about the quot of sharing your problem and solving it.

“To be honest, nothing really changed. We’re just doing the same thing, again and again. I do something, he’ll avoid me. He’ll do something, I feel uneasy. It’s totally fucked up. So fucked up even my mum noticed, probably Bobby too.” He looked to their table again, catching Niall laugh when Louis said something. He wondered what Louis said to make Niall laugh like that. He wanted Niall to laugh like that when he’s with him. It’s a dumb wish, but he couldn’t deny it. He was tired of exchanging glares with Niall.

“I thought things were going well after what happened to the clinic.” Zayn propped his elbow, drumming his fingers on the surface. “Niall told me you apologized.”

“Yeah, I did. But I screwed it up. It’s like I was cursed not to stay nice to him for more than five minutes. ” Harry said, his eyes not leaving Niall. “And then one morning, I woke up seeing his face next to me, like he was looking at something, I don’t know – and the next thing I knew, he was running to the bathroom. Locked himself there for fifteen minutes. We’ve been awkward to each other after that.”

Zayn called the bartender again, giving them another glass. “Then why didn’t you ask him what he was trying to do?”

“I tried, but I just can’t, okay? Everytime we’re alone, I feel like someone sucks the air out of my lungs and then –“

Zayn leaned in closer, smiling as he looked at the same direction Harry was staring at. “And then…what?”

And then kiss him, right there. Press him against the wall. Watch him writhe underneath him. Run his hands all over his body. Make a mess of him. Watch those blue eyes of his reflect nothing but his green ones. He hated him so much for making him feel this way. For making him want to make him laugh, to be the reason why he’s smiling. How badly he wanted to know more about him, what he likes, what are the things he hate, most probably know every single thing that makes someone a Niall Horan.

“Mate, ’m still here.” Zayn poked his shoulder. Harry blinked, seeing the figure of Liam and Louis leaving the table.

“I think you should keep Niall in company.” Harry said, finishing his second drink.

Zayn breathed in. “Don’t you think should be the one keeping him in company, Harold?” Harry was about to answer when Zayn stood up, tucked the bill under his glass and headed towards their table.

Harry shook his head. “You have no idea what I’ll do if I did.”

—-

It was almost midnight. The bar was fully-packed and Harry didn’t leave his stool.

In between those bodies at the dance floor, he caught sight of Liam dragging Louis to the bathroom. They’re definitely going to fuck. They always did. Harry wondered why none of them would admit it to them, yet. Louis mentions things casually, like he’s just putting it out tere for them to understand and yet, Liam kept denying it. He seemed to be the only one who still thinks they’re keeping whatever they were doing as a secret. If only Liam knew that he was aware of his first ever blowjob given by Louis on his bathroom, during those times his mum was away and he was allowed to conduct parties, he’d probably bury him alive.

It’s not like Harry would even share it to anyone. Zayn obviously knew so there’s no point in keeping it as a secret although for emergency purposes, it could come in handy as an appropriate blackmail.

He was about to turn back to his previous position and just watch Niall until they go home, when a woman, with a very pale, blonde hair blocked his sight.

“Do you want to dance? You look rather lonely.” She fluttered her dark eyelashes and grabbed both of his wrists, pulling her body close and started slow dancing in between his legs. “It’s such a waste that you’re alone tonight.” She whispered, pressing her breasts to his chest. Really, a normal person would’ve said yes. He would’ve dragged her to the bathroom, probably not the one that Louis and Liam’s in, and ask her to wrap those thick, lipstick-covered lips around his dick. But tonight and probably the next coming years, he wouldn’t be this normal person.

He gently pulled away. “I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood to-“

“Everyone’s in the mood to, young lad.” She winked, eyeing his lips while she licked hers. “Those lips would look better next to mine.” She attempted to grab his nape but Harry blocked her hand.

“I said, I’m not in the mood to do anything. Please, leave me alone.” He said sternly. 

The woman popped her lips, eyes widening at him like she couldn’t believe she was actually turned down. Well, she was. “God. You’re such a waste.” She flipped her hair and walk away, trying hard not to trip from her five-inch stiletto.

Harry groaned. He needs another drink.

—-

“Did you see that?”

Zayn paused from drinking his beer. “See what?”

“Harry just turned down a very beautiful girl. God – he thinks she’s not good enough.” Niall said, placing down his bottle of beer. He had lost count of how many drinks he had after Louis kept pushing bottle after bottle and he was starting to feel dizy.

“W-wait – you, you knew Harry was there?”

“Huh? Yeah – look at those curls, how come you wouldn’t recognize ‘em?” Niall could feel his body getting really light, as well as his head. He knew this feeling was getting near to being drunk or he was already drunk. Somehow, he wished Harry could’ve just stayed here so he could say some things he never said when he’s sober.

“Hey, Zayn. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” Zayn quipped.

“Is it – is it possible to love something you hate? Like you really hate it – but still, you feel this, this weird feeling that you kinda, sorta want to like it? Am I making sense?” Niall pressed the heel of his palm to his head; something was definitely thumping inside it.

“’Course you do. I have a friend who’s exactly in the same situation as yours.”

“Really?” Niall dropped his hand. He couldn’t be thankful enough that he told this to Zayn. “Uhm, so what did he do about it?”

“Honestly, he still doesn’t know what to about it as well. He’s confused, y’know? He’s new to this feeling, and it scares him – he doesn’t really know what he might do.”

“RIGHT!” Niall slammed his fist on the table. “Yeah, yeah – your friend’s right. ‘M feeling the same way too, like I don’t know what to do or how to act when that person’s around and I just ended up doing things that are really, stupid.” Niall wanted to hit himself everytime he remembers Harry’s expression that morning when he caught him trying to steal a kiss. “Really – really, stupid.”

“I told my friend, that if he doesn’t do anything about it, how will he know what the other one would react right? If you don’t jump in, how’d you know how deep it is?” Zayn emphasized his question with a hand gesture. “If all you do is assuming, you’ll never get the right answer.”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

“Oops, your company’s here. I’ll go enjoy myself now. Goodluck on your problem.” Zayn winked, pushing away his chair that was quickly replaced by Liam, who was catching his breath and wiping his face with a thick roll of tissue. He looked like he just did something really, tiring. Niall wondered if Louis made him dance for hours.

“Harry’s still drinking alone?” Louis stood beside Niall, looking at where Harry was still sitting the moment he left the table. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Niall nodded. It was strange, hearing Louis’s voice like that, a lot different from how it sounded before they left.  And the way he was walking, looked a bit weird, like something was caught in between his thighs or something.

“Hey Niall, you okay? Louis gave you too many drinks.” Liam quietly placed all the empty bottles to one side, clearing the space between the two of them.

“Hey Li. Uhm, can I ask you something? If it’s you know, not much of a bother.” Niall thought he should ask the same question he asked about Zayn, but then an idea came up after he saw the two of them, and it might be the right time to ask.

“Sure, anything. What is it?”

“How would you describe Louis?”

Liam coughed. “I – ugh, that’s your question?”

Niall nodded. He squinted, trying to make a clear sight of Liam. He swore he’s seeing two of him now and he doesn’t know where to look anymore. “Yeah, please?”

Liam rubbed his head, muttering an ‘Okay’ before he started. “Louis – he’s got a big-mouth, he’s noisy and nosy at the same time. He’s too blunt, and he clearly doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. Most of all, he’s childish and reckless if you leave him for a second, he could start his own version of the apocalypse…”

“Well then – how come you like him?” Niall almost wanted to slap his mouth for being too blunt. That wasn’t how he had planned those words to come out. “I’m sorry. Was it—“

“I’m just going to tell you this once, okay? So promise me you won’t spill it to anyone – even to Harry.” It was really hard to see Liam’s face, but he knew he was serious. Niall agreed. It was funny how Liam thought he and Harry share secrets, up until now, Niall doesn’t even know what Harry’s favourite food or color is.

“Alright, to be honest with you. I really don’t know. The first time we met, we were already arguing. We argued on so many things I don’t remember which one is which.  It’s like I’m in the top of his list of who is he going to annoy for the day and he kept doing it, again and again. I remembered I snapped at him one time, and we completely ignore each other. But then, those days that he didn’t talk to me, or bugged me, I was kind of, missing it. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes…” Niall really did. He wanted to tell Liam he knew exactly what he was feeling. How it’s weird to say he hated Harry and wished he could never see his face or talk to him yet when he’s not there, he looks for him. He wanted him to get in his nerves, to irritate him, to notice him or to know what’s going on inside his head when he’s not around. Does he think about him? Does he want him to stay or go?

He wanted to know if Harry’s feeling the same way, if he cares the way that he does. If he’s confused like he is and if he’s thinking of him like he does.

“We should head home. This place is starting to smell like piss and shit.” Louis came up from behind, his hand landing on Niall’s back. “I don’t like it when it smells like this one. It smells of infidelity and lust.”

Liam rolled his eyes, standing up and heading straight to Louis’s direction. If Niall hadn’t been so drunk, he might’ve heard what Liam whispered to him since it definitely made Louis’s grip on his back painfully tight.

“Where’s Zayn?” Niall heard Harry’s voice from somewhere but he didn’t bother searching for him. He was too busy trying to stand up.

“He’d be going home with a girl name, Purry, something like that, I’m not sure.” Louis’s voice became more and more distant and Niall was afraid he’d be left alone in here so he gathered all his strength to his knees and stood up. _Fuck._ His world was definitely spinning.

“Hey, you need some help?” Harry’s hands were suddenly on his waist, his voice now too near. “I thought Irish people are used to drinking?”

“Shut up, I can handle myself.” Niall tried to stand straight again, but he couldn’t feel his knees anymore. He really didn’t want to hold on Harry’s arms, but he was losing his balance. “Shit.”

“Don’t push it.” Niall opened his eyes. Was it even shut? He doesn’t even know anymore. He felt Harry’s arm sliding to his waist, the feeling of his chest pressing on his back as they walked out of the bar. When Harry was back on his side again, Niall dropped his head on his shoulder, the smell of scotch and Harry’s crisp, manly scent calming his nerves. He felt something warm brush against his earlobe, hearing that deep, raspy voice he always hated.

“I got you.”

Niall ducked his head and bit the insides of his cheeks. “Yeah – yeah you do.”


	10. Chapter 10

Harry stumbled with Niall for the fifth time on the side of the road as the Irish moved drastically again. His legs kicked in the air, head turning to every direction where he heard a sound and his body swayed away from Harry. Sighing, Harry had to tighten his grip on Niall’s waist to keep him in place and from falling, although he really wanted to keep a distance from the blond ever since they stepped out of the bar – too much closeness with him was kind of, too much.

Harry reminded himself that he’ll kill those three idiots when he sees them again. He was sure that this whole celebration out of nowhere was about him and Niall again, to bring them closer – not that he didn’t want to – but he could do it on his own and not in this way. Not when Niall’s so drunk Harry doubted Niall had any idea on what he’s actually doing. He wanted to talk to Niall and have a normal conversation, not be his nanny and drag him home before he throws up in the streets.

The worst part of this whole thing was that nobody bothered to bring a car (which Harry takes as a part of the plan, again) so they all have to walk back home. Liam and Louis probably stayed in a motel to continue what they were doing, it was obviously written on Liam’s face when they stepped out of the bar and was clinging on Louis more than Louis clings to him. They’re so ridiculous trying to hide it.

“WEYHEY!” Niall shouted on the top of his lungs, startling Harry out of nowhere.

Harry glared at him. “Jesus – Niall! We’re in public, you twat. I don’t want to get in trouble because of you.” Niall faced him and Harry’s heart almost dropped when those blue eyes looked straight at him. “W-what?”

“HAROLD! Why are you so serious all the time?” Niall slapped his hands on both sides of Harry’s cheeks and pinched them so hard, Harry’s feet almost lifted off the ground. He immediately smacked Niall’s hands away and almost lost his energy from the feeling of his swollen cheeks. “You’ve got to loosen up, little bro!” Niall sling his arm around Harry’s neck before he could even protest.

He hated Niall for being so carefree and noisy but a drunken Niall was the worst of all. He was too touchy and his talkativeness doubled up his ability to annoy Harry. Niall moved his arm and suddenly, Harry felt the heat of Niall’s skin on his cheek.

“I saw you back there, Harold.” Niall whispered as they continued to walk.

“Harry,” He corrected, but Niall wasn’t listening.

“I saw ya with that blondie.”

Harry stopped from walking but Niall dragged him with his weight. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. Niall was watching him? Since how long? Just the thought of Niall staring at him sent an uneven turn on Harry’s stomach. If only Niall knew the reason why he stepped out of the table was his fault, then maybe he should stop avoiding him every single day and stop being so awkward when he’s around.

“And she looks like she’s so into you, ya know – she’s been watching you the whole time.”

Harry remained silent, thinking if he’d act like he wasn’t listening, Niall would probably shut up.

He didn't.

“AND! And, and – Harold, listen to me. You were really rude when you turned her down! You could’ve at least danced her or offered her a drink or-“

“And why were you watching me, may I ask?” Harry raised an eyebrow in which Niall returned with a sideway turn of his head. He watched as Niall gulped and slowly let go of him. Niall was about to step a bit further away from him but Harry didn’t allow him to – his large hand gripping tightly on the Irish’s waist. “What is it, Niall? Is there something you wanted to say?”

“Your curls – your curls are so distracting…”

That didn't make sense at all, but Harry wouldn't let go just yet. “Distracting you from what exactly?”

Niall opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. Well that shut him up, Harry thought, although at the back of his mind, he kind of wanted to know why Niall was watching him.

He was just about to loosen his grip when Niall easily slipped down from his arm.

“Shit, Niall! Are you – are you okay?” Harry’s hands hung in the air, unable to decide where to touch him.

Niall looked up to him, cheeks flushed from giggling. “I think I stepped on a stone. I might’ve sprained my ankle.”

“And you’re still laughing?”

“It’s funny!”

“You’re drunk.”

Niall shook his head and attempted to stand up, but Harry saw the pain on his face as he whimpered. He was obviously hurt and he was still laughing – this person is really an idiot and probably really drunk. So instead of dragging him all the way to home, which was already a pain in the ass even without the injury, Harry kneeled down with his back against Niall.

“What are you doing?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m offering you my back so I could carry you, isn’t it obvious?”

“You don’t have to – I can still walk.”

“And then fall again? Seriously, just climb in so we could just go home. And I’m tired of you swaying in every fucking direction.”

“Then just leave me alone here. No one asked you to bring me home anyway.”

Harry was surprised on the sudden change of Niall’s voice. He looked behind his shoulders and saw Niall looking away from where he was with eyes that were obviously about to shed a tear. Harry mentally kicked himself for not being able to control his words again – especially when it comes to Niall. Did he really hurt Niall because of what he said, or was it just the alcohol making him change his mood rather easily?

Either way, Harry didn’t want to see Niall like this. Harry twisted his body around, “Look, I didn’t mean to say I was tired of what you’re doing. It’s just that, it’s dangerous and all and if you keep wanting to walk like that, it can get worse – and we’re on the road, and you’re drunk so-“ Harry inhaled sharply, “Could you please, just let me carry you?”

Niall looked at him, obviously considering.

“Well?”

“Fine.”

“Good.” Harry had to smile on that. He turned back around and shrugged to signal Niall. He heard movement behind him but Harry didn’t expect the next things to happen. He shuddered when Niall slowly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pressed his chest that there was no gap between them. He felt the heat radiating from the older lad, but Harry squezed his eyes shut, focusing.

Niall was too drunk to notice the shift of Harry’s body from relaxed to so nervous he should’ve felt the rapid beating of his heart. Niall moved his head closer and rested his chin on his shoulder, turning slightly until his lips were brushing on that small skin peeking from the collar of his coat.

“Whoa…” Was he doing this on purpose? Harry had to bit his bottom lip as Niall started breathing comfortably against his skin. It was too late to drop him now.

“You okay there?” He asked, trying to distract himself.

Harry’s body twitched uncontrollably as Niall just hummed, sending vibrations right where his lips were down to every part of his body.

“Alright, let’s go.” Harry took a deep breath, standing up and carrying Niall as if he wasn’t even there. He slips his arms under Niall’s thighs to keep him in place and jumped a little so he could carry him better.

Harry assumed Niall was already dead asleep as the rest of their walk remained quiet and he had to thank God for that.

—-

But Niall wasn’t really asleep. He was trying his best to make his breathing as normal as it could be because of how close he was at Harry. Even if his mind was swirling and so was his vision, Niall was 100% sure this isn’t a dream. Niall wanted to believe he was doing this to make up from all the mean things he did to him, but it could just be because he was so helpless and drunk. If he only knew they were going to come home alone, he should’ve just remained sober and took the chance to have proper conversation with Harry.

However, this closeness wasn’t bad at all. He liked the way Harry cared for him, even just now. And he liked the way Harry carries him, it’s been such a long time since someone did this for him (it was his dad) and he liked the feeling of Harry’s curls bounced up and down on his face as they walked, he could smell his shampoo, his scent – Harry.

—-

“Oy, sleepyhead, we’re here.” Harry gently knocked Niall’s head as he turned the knob and opened the door to their room. When Niall woke up, the first thing he saw was the bed and didn’t realize he was still being carried when he jumped out of Harry’s back, running towards the bed, until the sprain on his ankle kicked in –

“Niall!”

It was too late. The pain was too much, his knees wobbled and Niall fell on the floor, face first.

“Ouch,” Niall groaned, feeling the growing lump of pain not just on his foot but also on his head. “The fuck are you laughing at?” He turned to Harry who was already sitting in front of him.

“You’re such a klutz.”

“I’m not!” Niall supported his body with his hands and was able to stand on his other foot, but then he stepped on the sprained one, losing his balance again. Before he could fall on his back, Harry was quick enough to stand up, hooking his arm around his waist and pulling him in.

This time, they were facing each other, noses almost brushing and the heat of their breathes tinglingagainst their skins. Niall’s cheeks flushed, and seeing that, Harry did as well, but none of them had the strength to look or pull away.

Harry's hand tightened on Niall’s waist and the struggle to let him go or pull him closer was harder than he thought.

Niall on the other hand, had been eyeing his lips, for some time already. He’d been so curious about it, he almost steal a kiss while Harry was asleep. And now, he’ll just have to move his head and he could feel it – the feeling of his lips on Harry’s. Driven by the strength he got from his drinks, which were kicking off again, Niall followed hisgut and cupped Harry’s cheeks as he finally surged his lips with his.

—-

None of them moved a muscle or struggled, or back away.

Both of them let the feeling slowly edge from their lips, until it spreads out on every inch of their body. Harry’s fingers tingled, Niall’s stomach fluttered – still, their lips remained pressed against each other. Harry’s head was buzzing, he couldn’t see a thing, and his mind was suddenly filled with all those images of Niall ever since he met him – push him away or go further?

So he chose what his instinct told him.

He pulled Niall closer, digging his fingrs on his saclp and angling him in a way that Niall's mouth opened a bit wider.  Niall shuddered from the way Harry easily slid his tongue, nudging the roof of his mouth, but he didn't push him away. More like he doesn't have the strength to.  Harry pressed his body closer until Niall slowly drops on his back and allowed Harry to move on top of him, lips not leaving Niall’s.

They continued doing this, just giving back chaste kisses, Harry's lips a bit more eager. His all over Niall's mouth, biting his bottom lip and sucking in. Niall clenched on the end of his shirt, his chest heaved heavily as he gasped for air and a sudden moan escaping when Harry accidentally brushed his hips on his groin. Which was growing painfully hard.

“Shit –“ Harry dropped his head Niall’s forehead, slowly lowering himself and started rutting back on his crotch. The contact made Niall's head fall back while Harry's eyelashes flutter to a close. Niall was starting to run his hands up and down his waist, moving in contrast with Harry's movements, lip tucked between his teeth.

Harry watched Niall as he pressed his hips further, the way Niall’s eyes just stay open pulling him closer to the edge. How they ended up doing this, Harry didn't bother wondering. But then there was this small voice, whispering inside his head that this isn't right. He could feel it swirling around his chest, this  _fucking desire,_ the urge to do more, to see more, to feel more.

He looked back at Niall; there's no way he's sober from the way he looks. As much as Harry didn't want to think he looked like he wouldn't remember anything after this.

Kissing Niall into the corner of his mouth, Harry braced himself and stood up, leaving Niall on the floor as he headed to bed.

Niall’s eyes shot wide open when the weight of Harry’s body was gone and he was left, staring into the ceiling. He blinked furiously, thinking if it was just a dream. He wasn't that drunk to actually have that kind of clear hallucination. When he sat up - there it was - the answer that it was real and Harry just fucking left him in the middle of making out without saying anything. Harry was already on the other side of the bed, back against his and removing his shoes. He didn't even bother looking back at him.

Harry felt Niall might've realized what he had done now. He knew he wa staring at the back of his neck ,enough to send his nape prickling uncomfortably. Really, Harry knew he should say something and explain but he felt like he's going to jump in to Niall again if he faced him.

He felt guilty of taking advantage of Niall when he’s drunk. He should’ve stopped it from happening before they get that far. He didn’t want to do something where he’d see Niall’s face looking at him with so much hate than what he already got. _What was he expecting?_ That this was Niall’s way of telling him he felt the same way towards him? He knew it that when Niall’s sober, the glaring would be back, the avoiding and the awkward atmosphere around them.

Everything happened because Niall was drunk. It didn’t mean anything and Harry tried to ignore the lump of pain that stabbed him repeatedly.

—-

Niall couldn’t believe what just happened. His thoughts and feelings were in a complete mess and Harry left him alone with it. He wouldn’t blame him if he thought he did it because of the alcohol, which was true, but to leave him just like that, turn away and sleep in his fucking pillow like nothing happened? Well, fuck it – that hurts. Wouldn’t it be better if he told him what’s wrong and not make it look like this whole thing was his entire fault?

Didn’t he like it? Then why did he kiss him back in the first place? Why the fuck did he offered to carry him when he still hated him? Maybe it’s because of the sprain, nothing more – it was always because he did something – not because Harry wanted to do it. Niall looked back at him and he wanted to throw every piece he could touch towards him. He should’ve at least helped him get up. He hated him, he hated his indifference on these situations and Niall felt so stupid because he knew he was going to cry.

It didn’t mean anything to Harry. 

Niall stood up and limp on his way to the bed, lying on his side and turned to face Harry's back on him. "

"I fucking hate you.” Niall said, hoping that Harry would hear it even in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be awesome. x


	11. Chapter 11

A jabbing pain woke up Niall from his sleep. It wasn’t long until he realized where the pain was coming from. He suddenly curled his body, ruffled the sheets beneath him as his fingers almost pulled his hair out from the pounding on his head that felt like a marching band having their performance of their lives.

“Fucking hell,” He muttered, pushing his head deeper on his pillow in hope that it would ease out the pain. Unfortunately, it didn’t and when he tried to stretch his legs, another pang of pain emerged on his body. He reacted furiously; arching his back in and out, his other leg kicking in and he continued to hit his head down on his pillow when he suddenly realized Harry could still be sleeping beside him.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” He breathed in and out, his whole body stayed still and he tried to figure out what proper reaction would he do when he see Harry’s usual deathly glare on him. When he turned around, there was nothing but an empty side of his part.

Niall didn’t know why he suddenly felt disappointed about it. He should be happy, knowing that he didn’t piss anyone early morning but something inside him kept him from feeling that way. What was it? Why does he have a feeling this sudden disappointment has something to do with the pain on his head, his leg and  _on his chest?_

He screwed his eyes shut; trying to remember what he did last night, it wasn’t long until the images flashed back. The five of them arriving at the bar, Harry leaving his table then talked and  _rejected_  a blonde girl, on why he was watching him, he can’t remember.

He was talking to Zayn and then to Liam, something so serious but  _what about_ , exactly? He could only hear bits of it, something about Zayn’s friend, wishing him luck and then Liam, mentioning Louis quite a few times.

He was drunk.  _Yes._ _That was one thing he was quite sure of._

He remembered Harry walking next to him, following him each time he swerves to the gutter because his knees were so close to buckling. To think Harry was with him that night he was screaming ‘Weyhey’ made him want to dig up his own hole and bury himself there. Why was life so cruel at him, he didn’t want to know.

Then there was the image of Harry’s curls bouncing in front of him, the sight of his nape exposed from his coat – he was being carried by Harry. He stared blankly on the empty side beside him, even if the scenes weren’t clear, his feelings were the opposite. He could still feel it. The warm brush of Harry’s hair on his cheeks, his scent, the warmth of his skin, the hand under his knees – it was so clear.

His train of thoughts was cut off when he heard the door knob turn. Panic-stricken, he quickly shuffled and turned his back around, biting his lips to stay silent even if he kind of twisted his leg and winced at the sudden pain.

“I saw you moved. No need to act all asleep.”

Niall didn’t know why he was stupidly smiling just because of what Harry said. Was it the difference on his tone today? Or because the image of Harry carrying him still lingers, giving him butterflies on his stomach? He sighed, wiped the smile off his face and gradually moved.

His heart dropped when he saw what Harry was holding – a tray of food, a glass of water, some medicines and an ice pack. Niall badly wanted to pinch himself, his eyes still stuck on what’s on the tray, this could all be a dream, he thought. Maybe the his head wasn’t just pounding from what he drank, but also from being hit too hard he’s probably living in an illusion – something he might want to happen.

_Those kinds of things happen right?_

But everything suddenly diminished when their eyes met. Something happened inside Niall that made him want to wipe away all the thoughts he had just a while ago. _He saw it_. He saw what happened last night that he missed. He felt the lump on his throat as he saw Harry’s lips on his, the way their bodies moved, the way he felt that time. Niall was flying high in the sky that time. His body so light, his heart fluttering with overwhelming feelings and before he knew it, he was falling hard towards the ground with no one to catch him.

“I told mum you-“

“Leave.” Niall muttered under his breath, his voice strained.

Harry took a step back, an utter shock visible on his face. “What?”

Niall didn’t want to say it again. He didn’t even want to speak anymore. One more word and he’d be crying. And the least person he wanted to see him be like that was Harry. Controlling his breathing, Niall turned back around and tucked himself underneath the sheet. If Harry did this to him yesterday, then so could he.

“Are you really going to do that?”

Niall shrugged. If not talking to him could make him leave, then so be it. He was balling his fists, gripping the sheets, wishing the anger he was feeling would at least subside and that Harry would just stop speaking. He didn’t want to make it worse.

“Seriously, Niall? Don’t act like that.”

Again, he said nothing. His mind reeled:  _Shut up, shut up, shut up._

“So you’re just going to ignore me like that?”

“Yeah. So fuck off.” Niall buried his face to the pillow, he was right. He shouldn’t have said one more word. His tears stated falling one by one and he couldn’t stop them. “Just fucking leave.”

“Niall-“

“Leave me alone.”

“Tell me what’s wrong…” He felt a weight on his bed, a sudden brush on his shoulder and that was it, he loses it. He threw the sheet away and faced Harry, wiping his tears that slid down to his chin.

“I tell you what’s wrong, Harry. I tell you what’s _fucking_ wrong. I don’t need your fucking help. I don’t need your pity or your fucking guilt when you hurt me. I don’t need you to pretend like you fucking care ‘cause I know you don’t. I’m so tired of your indifference. And you know what – I’m not begging you to do anything for me – so, please, Harry - just leave me alone.”

Niall didn’t wait for anything. He didn’t wait for Harry to blink or say anything. He didn’t want to hear any more excuses or his apologies. If this was what’s left for them, nothing but exchanging  _hatred_  – then so be it. He just turned around and went back to bed and ignored the heavy feeling on his chest as he heard the door shut.

—-

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Harry repeatedly slammed his fist on the steering wheel. He had no idea where he was heading, but staying inside the house could send some plates in the air and he doesn’t want to explain anything to his mum or to Bob either. He couldn’t take it. He screamed on top of his lungs, in hope that even a quarter of what he’s feeling would leave. But it didn’t. Instead, it became much worse.

He kept hearing Niall’s words. How he said those words with so much disgust and hatred. He couldn’t believe that Niall thought of everything he did that way. Harry had to admit that he was right for most of the part about taking pity on his situation and apologizing just because of the guilt.

But that was before.

It was before he knew how much he was hurting Niall, and how much Niall missed everything he left behind. And most of all, it was before he realized the person he needed the most right now, was him.

“I didn’t care? I DIDN’T FUCKING CARE? Are you kidding me?” Harry said, snapping his seatbelt and pulling it in every direction, trying to vent out his anger in some way. He cared, _for God’s sake_ , if that’s something he wasn’t sure of before, it was one thing he was outright certain of now.

He was never a big fan of taking care of people who had their hangovers but he forgot about that, _just to take care of him._ He prepared some buttered toast, a sunny side up, two pieces of bacon and even woke up early to go to the pharmacy to get him some Advil and an ice pack – because he _cared_ and he felt responsible for what happened to Niall.

“And now, you’re telling me, I’m the indifferent one? You’re the one who ignored me completely before, don’t you remember that?!” He pounded his fists on the wheel again, only to stop abruptly when a car drives in beside him, meeting the eye of the old woman who looked at him worriedly. “Shit!”

What was Niall thinking? That this whole thing was piece of cake?

Did he think it was easy being alone with him, when he looks completely vulnerable?  Did he think it was easy for him not to push him down and kiss him right then and there without considering his feelings?

Does he have any idea how much he wanted to pull him away from their table back at the bar when he saw him laughing like that with Zayn? That everytime their skin touched, everytime he felt his body getting closer to him, Harry just wanted to monopolize him?

And now, because of what happened last night, Niall’s hatred from him just went up the notch.

If they had continued what they were doing, Harry would’ve taken advantage of this drunkenness, and Harry didn’t want that. He wanted to do it when Niall wants to. And if he says yes, he won’t hold back this time. If only he’d given him a chance to explain.

“You were drunk! You were drunk!” He balled his fist, hitting the dashboard repeatedly. “Why am I always the one who’s at fault in here?” Harry wanted to rip his hair out, he wanted to crash his car on something and maybe forget about everything that had happened. He wanted to forget how Niall wanted him to leave, his words, and most of all Niall was crying because of him.

—-

“Let me guess, this is about Niall.” Zayn said as he opened the front door, seeing Harry’s brows all creased and steam coming out of his nose. “You want me to call Louis?”

“No, you’re enough for now. I don’t think I’d like to hear any of Louis’s sex advice-“

“Too bad though, ‘cause Captain Tommo is here.” Harry rolled his eyes, turning around to see Louis’s hand akimbo. “And I don’t always give sex advice! I give it to those who are in need.” Zayn and Louis exchanged grins. Harry just rolled his eyes and crashed onto the couch in the middle of the room.

“You’re disturbing Zayn again.”

“Actually, he brought his boyfriend along with him.” With that, Liam popped out of the kitchen, waving a hand towards Harry and then a deathly glare at Zayn. “They sneaked on my house last night.”

Harry walked inside and threw his body on the couch, turning off the television that was obviously open just for the sake of having a noise other than Louis’s endless calling for Liam. “Thought you went home with someone?”

“I did. But it didn’t stop them.” Zayn shook his head. “Good thing we’re on my room.”

“Pssh. Dream on, Malik. I wouldn’t dare peek at Perky’s tits.” Louis followed the two as he squeezed his body between Harry and Zayn. “And I don’t like her hair.”

“Nobody asked for your opinion.” Zayn elbowed him. “And her name’s Perry! I’ve been telling you that for hundred times already!”

“Yeah, and your hair’s stupid, Zayn. Just wanted to let you know.” Louis stuck out his tongue and the two suddenly exchanged lame slaps. Harry wondered why he was even here.

“Louis, Zayn. Cut it out. Can’t you see, Harry needed some help?” Liam shows up in the middle of the room, a plate of freshly cooked pancakes on his hand. “Want some?” He pushed the plate to Harry, but the lad could only see his perfectly cooked dish, and it reminded him of Niall and everything that followed after that. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for some breakfast right now.

“Alright, I’ll take that as a no.” Liam smiled, walking away and placing the plate on Zayn’s lap just to make them stop. The two abruptly cut their argument and turned to Harry, both mouths filled with large cuts of pancake. “So, what’s up?”

Harry narrated what happened last night and this morning as much as his memory could remember – except the feelings that went with it – Harry wasn’t sure what exactly it was yet.

“Oh my god, Li-Li. Did you hear that?” Louis slowly raised his head, as if he was seeing something the three of them cannot. “I can hear the angels singing!” He bounced to his seat; eyes crinkling as he giddily nudged Liam. “They kissed! They kissed! Oh my god! I should’ve seen it!”

“Calm the fuck down, Louis. It’s not like the kiss it’s the kiss you wanted to happen.”

“Anything’s fine as long as they kissed, Liam. And from the way I know my curly friend, I don’t think he’ll settle with a mere lips-to-lips right?” Louis turned to him, lips curled into a devilish grin. Harry averted his gaze, but the burn on his cheeks wasn’t helping him deny anything at all.

“Holy Shit! So you did use some tongue?” Zayn pinched his cheek and forced Harry to face them. “Look at you getting all blushy!”

“Get away from me.” Harry swatted their hands away, but in a matter of seconds, Liam and Louis’s hands joined to wipe his face off. “GUYS! You are not helping me at all! And the kiss is not the point of the story, you idiots.”

“Right, it’s what comes after that. Sorry. Bit carried away.” Liam said, taking the liberty of pulling Louis’s hand off of Harry’s face. “Louis, cut it out – okay, so Niall obviously has the right to react that way…”

“But-“

“Let him finish, darling.” Louis was about to press his index finger on Harry’s lips to shut him up, but Harry slapped it away. “Aww, so pissy.”

“Who knows where you put that in.”

Louis chuckled. “I didn’t know you have such a dirty mind.”

Liam cleared his throat, if it was because he was being interrupted or because he was jealous, Harry didn’t know. “As I was saying –  _Louis get off his lap_  – as I was saying, Niall had the right to be angry at you, Harry. Even if you showed up with a marching band this morning, I think he’d still be upset of what you did.” Louis moved away from Harry and sat on Liam’s lap instead, Harry tried to keep his smirk away from Liam’s all flustered expression.

“Not to mention, you leave him so horn- OW!” Zayn squealed, being hit by Liam’s balled fist on his stomach.

“That was unnecessary, Zayn.”

“Well, thanks for the warning, St. Payne.” Zayn grumbled, making faces behind him.

Harry shook his head. “He didn’t even let me explain! He just threw all those words and ignored me.”

“Couldn’t blame him since you do the same thing too, right?” Louis said, prompting his head and raising an eyebrow. “And I think you guys should avoid having conversations alone. Inside a room.”

Harry mirrored his expression. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, there’s so much sexual tension between the two of you. Being in a room where you could possibly do anything can make you forget what you’re really trying to say, right, Li-Li?” Louis’s eyes crinkled when he faced Liam, his hands going up to his cheeks and gently rubbing his thumb on his skin. Harry wished dealing with someone you hate was that easy, seeing the way things turn out between Liam and Louis.

“Sexual tension,  _aside,”_  Zayn stressed, nudging the two lovebirds away from his sight. “I think you two should go out.”

Harry almost fell from his seat. “Go out? As in like a  _date_?”

“I would’ve considered hanging out, but if date’s what you like then go for it.” Zayn said, smirking. “Didn’t think you were going for that though.”

“Yes! A date – good one, Zayn!” Louis offered a high five, but ended up doing it with himself. “Give Niall a tour around the city, I bet he’ll be thrilled.”

Liam, finally surfacing from his own love boat, chipped in. “Yeah. You two could eat out, too. Instead of having a face-to-face serious conversation, make it a light one so that you guys won’t end up arguing.”

“I don’t think Niall could disagree with you on this one, Harry. He needed to see other places other than your house, the school and your face.”

“I’m not the one who doesn’t have any friends – OW!” Harry flinched after Liam smacked him in the forehead. “The hell was that for?”

Liam opened his mouth, but Louis interrupted him. “Your mouth’s getting you in so much trouble rather than your dick.”

“That’s it?” Liam looked at him with perplexity.

“What? I wanted to say that for a long time, couldn’t find the right timing.” Harry, Zayn and Liam almost face palmed all at once. “What? It’s true, isn’t?”

“He got a point, Harry,” Zayn said, standing up with a disgusted look on both Liam and Louis. “Try to be careful with your words. It could destroy the whole thing.”

“I second the motion.” Liam raised his hand, and Louis followed in, slipping his fingers between the gaps of Liam’s hand. Again, Harry just shook his head, watching Liam pull his had away, but Louis kept his hand pressed on his.

A hand on his shoulder made Harry look up, throwing a questioning look towards Zayn. “What?”

“Don’t screw this up, mate. Think of this as your last chance.”

And that was the only thing Harry could think of for the rest of the day.

—-

But it wasn’t easy. When Harry came back to his house – all the words that he was about to say didn’t make it through his throat. Each time Niall passed by, Harry could only open his mouth and when he’s all set – Niall was gone.

It went on for weeks. Niall was completely ignoring his existence and Harry was trying to figure out if he should still give it a go or he should go for his own way and pull Niall inside a room and explain everything. But then he’d hear Louis’s voice – almost whispering to him about  _sexual tension_  – and he’d change his mind.

—-

“Harry Styles! What are you doing?!” Louis slammed is fist in the table, blue eyes questioning him.

“What?” asked Harry, trying to feign innocence.

“Don’t ‘what’ me, you twat. It’s been two weeks and nothing’s happening yet!” Zayn and Liam nodded n his side. “See? We’ve given you a week to ask him, and it’s Friday today. When are you planning to ask him out?”

“It’s not easy, okay? He’s been completely ignoring me!”

“Don’t make it about Niall ignoring you.” Louis hissed.

“Fine. I’m just – I’m just waiting for the right time, okay?” This shouldn’t have been a problem if Liam would just ask in his place, but even he wasn’t on his side.

“News flash, Harold. The world is ending tomorrow, and if you don’t get your arse to Niall’s room, I’ll announce your plan to the whole school.”

“He’s not kidding.” Zayn added.

“Definitely not kidding, Harry.” Liam agreed.

“Alright, alright! I’ll go there now.” Harry stood up and grabbed his bag, leaving the three lads waving at him and wishing him good luck (also threatening him that if he comes back and still haven’t said it – Louis would do it).

“It’s not like I would just come up to him like, ‘hey, meet me in this-  _Ouch_ , I’m sor-” Harry turned around to see who did he bumped into, taken aback to see a pair of familiar blue eyes glaring at him. “N-Niall….”

“What?” Niall hissed, stepping away as if he was some kind of disease. Seriously? Is this all he’ll get from all the efforts he did so he could at least explain?Why was he so  _hard-headed_? Why doesn’t he even try to look at him and ask him about what he was feeling? He wasn’t the only one having a hard time. Fuck it all to hell.

Niall was about to turn around when Harry grabbed his wrist and twisted him with a full force.

He took a piece of paper from his bag and pushed it on Niall’s chest, almost making him fall.

“Go there later. 5 pm. Don’t be late or you’ll be sorry.”

Without any explanation, Harry walked away wishing he didn’t blow his last chance from what he did.


	12. Chapter 12

Niall flipped the piece of paper between his fingers, his eyes jumping from one letter to another as he read the place written on it for more than ten times already. When he bumped into Harry down at the cafeteria, he didn’t expect this thing to happen. He wasn’t expecting anything at all. Niall finally understood that the both of them could never be friends or like brothers. It was a hopeless case for both of them.

It’s been two weeks since they last talked and looked at each other’s eyes properly and as days passed by, he realized they were back to zero once again. Well, it’s not like it’s his fault anyway. If only Harry was more honest with his feelings, if he became less indifferent and stop acting like a bipolar alien, then maybe things should’ve gone better.

The paper fluttered down on his desk and again, Niall recalled the last time he had a not-so decent conversation with Harry. He kept telling himself what he did was right, that there was no use in explaining any longer or hearing any of his excuses that will only soften his heart. He tried so hard to wipe the whole kissing incident off of his mind, but each time he saw his hair, or hear his voice or even the sound of his footsteps inside the room – the whole damn thing just plays back like a broken record.

And it was making him uneasy in every way possible.

“NO!” He slammed his fist on the table, only to realize that he was still in the middle of the class. He raised his head and saw his classmates with the same reaction, staring at him with a questioning look. “I – I’m sorry.”

“Mr. Horan, do you have something to argue about the views of Shakespeare when it comes to writing tragedies?” His professor with ginger hair that laid flat on his forehead asked, putting down his book and lowering his glasses as he cocked an eyebrow. “Would you like to say something?”

“N-no. I was just – I, I need to go to the bathroom, sorry.” Niall quickly stood up, tumbling his notebook and pen, filling the room with the sound of his classmate’s laughter. He grabbed the piece of paper and crumpled it inside his hand, ignoring the look on their faces and the whispers he heard as he headed towards the door.

The door clicked as Niall pressed his back against it, flicking his wrist on the knob as it gave another sound for the lock. He walked around the cubicle, kicking each of its doors as he made sure no one was there. When the whole place was clear, Niall took a deep breath and faced the mirror.

“Alright Niall Horan – stop thinking about it, okay? Stop thinking about it. You’re not supposed to feel anything anymore. You’re indifferent as he is now. And you hated him more than he hates you right now. You hate Harry Styles. You hate him!” He swung his hand on the soap bottle, throwing it at the corner of the bathroom. “I hate him. I hate him. I really, really – hate him...”

But each time he said and repeated those words, the more he saw Harry. He saw him beside him on the road, taking care of him when he was drunk, then carrying him and then kissing him and his heart wouldn’t stop pounding as if begging him to just grab a knife and cut his chest open and let his heart go on its own. His palm landed on his chest, the continuous rapid beating of it was ridiculous and each time he listened closely to it, a burning feeling inside him builds up.

“I don’t like this feeling. Please, just go.” He lowered his head, shutting his eyes in hopes that each word would convince his mind to stop being a douchebag and just shut the fuck down and stop thinking about Harry and just concentrate on his Literature class instead. Niall never wanted to scream this much on his life, to throw something, to beat someone up – to just let all this feelings away from him. How could this even happen just because of a single person?

He stared back at the piece of paper.

 A part of his mind tells him to go – to give Harry a chance to explain everything, for him to listen and know what’s going on inside his thick-head. But he felt scared. A part of him didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear and didn’t want to see the look on his face when he says ‘It was nothing’ and make a reason about being drunk.  _It was all too much_. Being left alone with that feeling was already too hard to bear, and living with the person who did that was torturous, what more to hear it straight from him?

Niall shook his head, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t show up in there and casually ask him what the hell is this all about. This, most probably, could all be a joke, he thought. He was getting all worked up with some kind of prank.

“He won’t be there. He’s just going to get back from all those days I stole his food on the fridge, and took a bigger slice of his pizza and sleep on more than half of my side. He’s going to make me wait in there while he sits on the bed, laughing at my empty side on each hour that passes and, and-”

He was cut off by the sudden wet feeling on his cheeks. He looked back in the mirror and saw the tears running down on his face. Since when did he easily become so vulnerable like this? He couldn’t stop from crying, he couldn’t stop the pain crawling all over his body. Has Harry affected him this much already? Much to the extent that just by the thought of Harry making fun of him and not caring about him would make him cry?

He didn’t want this to be a prank. He wanted Harry to be there.

But Niall wasn’t really sure if he’ll have the courage to go.

\---

“D’you think he’ll go in there?” Harry asked, pressing the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he folded the sleeve of his gray shirt. “’Cause I don’t think he will.”

“Relax. I don’t see any reason for him not to show up, right?” Louis said on the other line.

“Oh  _really_? I know a couple of reasons why he wouldn’t show up.” He frowned as he switched the phone on the other side. “I kissed him and then left him without an explanation, I didn’t try to apologize in a matter of three days, and then, I was so pissed that he was ignoring me that I ignored him as well!”

Louis laughed. “Well, well. Someone’s learning his lessons.”

“Shut up and make me feel better okay? That’s your job.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just that, you’re being too negative about this whole date-“

“IT’S NOT A DATE!” Harry shouted, almost slipping the phone from his shoulders. “It’s not a date.”

“Okay, fine. Not a date.” But hearing him, Harry knew exactly that he was grinning and not believing what he just said. “Just think positive, okay? Don’t mess it up with your temper. Just talk normally when he gets there.”

 _Talk normally?_  Wow. Easier said than done. He couldn’t even properly ask him to go to that place, what more to talk to him normally _. Seriously?_  What were they supposed to talk about? How he was being made fun of in school? Or how he always ended up sleeping when doing his homework and drooling on his papers?

“I think this is a bad idea.” Harry sat on the corner of his bed. “I don’t think this is gonna work out.”

“Oh come on! Not now! You can’t back out now, alright? This is your last chance, remember? If you let this slip away, you’ll lose him, Harry. And you don’t want that to happen, do you?”

Harry sighed. “No...”

“I can’t hear you.”

“No. I don’t want to lose him.” He said with a heavy feeling on his shoulders. His eyes cast down to the empty side beside him. The last time Niall looked at him was this morning but still, his eyes were cold as ever. “But what if I messed it up? What if in the end, he won’t give me a second chance...”

“You’d never know until you’re there.”

Yeah, and he couldn’t say that’s the part that scares him the most.

 ---

“So, what did he say?” Liam asked, watching Louis threw off his phone somewhere. “Don’t throw your phone like that.” He attempted to stand up, but was stopped by a hand on his wrist, pulling him back to the couch. “Is there something wrong?”

“I’m worried about both of them.” Louis stretched his body on the seat, dropping his head on Liam’s lap. “I hope this day would be a good start.” He looked up, meeting Liam’s gaze at him.

“Are you really worried about Niall and Harry, or is it about your ship again?”

“ _Both_.” Louis said, grinning. “I ship them so I worry about them. It’s a normal thing, Li-Li. I want them to end up together! And geez, the only good thing they’ve done so far is kissing – which ended up as a bad thing as well!”

Liam leaned back. For a moment he thought this was going to be a normal conversation with Louis. “Well, you can’t rush the two of them; they’re still exploring their feelings. You said so yourself.”

Liam looked down, feeling the vibrations on his thigh as Louis was silently laughing. “What the hell are you laughing about?”

“When you said ‘they’re still exploring their feelings’ I remember you said that to me when I asked you about the blowjob back at Harry’s house?” Liam’s eyes went wide, trying to say something but all the words he wanted to say toppled the other, ending up sounding like a drunkard who swallowed a broken radio. “Oh, Li-Li. You still have the same expression.” Louis was about to reach for his face when Liam swatted his hands away, pushing him off of his lap.

“I told you not to bring that up again!” Liam shifted on his seat, facing Louis who was obviously enjoying this conversation. “You promised!” He had no idea why he was getting all worked up and definitely embarrassed about this. But the whole ‘Hey, Liam, I like you’ incident that ended up having a blowjob on Harry’s bathroom was something he wasn’t really proud of.

“What? I didn’t bring it up. You just mentioned it, and I just remembered it. It’s different.” Louis moved his knees closer, as Liam scooted away from the farthest side of the couch. “Aw, are you getting away from me?”

“Stop talking like that.” The sound of Louis’s voice getting all soft and almost near to purring was something that brought an uneven turn on his stomach and was going straight to his dick. “And don’t come near me!” He said, throwing one throw pillow towards him.

But Louis dodged it and he was obviously not listening, he was inching closer and closer until his nose nuzzled on Liam’s hair, his lips slightly pressed against his temple and Liam wasn’t able to do anything rather than to stay at his position. He felt the warm breathe of Louis on his ear, making his eyes flutter to a close as he listened to his words.

“You know, I could never forget that day. I was outright glaring at you, and you were glaring at me as well...”

“Stop,” Liam held the end of Louis’s shirt, pulling him closer. “Don’t say another word.”

“And then I come up to you, and pulled your wrist towards the bathroom, and you didn’t even put up a fight...”

“I said _stop_.” Liam pushed him to the couch, locking Louis’s body in between his knees. This person always knew how to get into his system and hell, he couldn’t even control himself. It was like Louis still had the upperhand even though Liam was obviously the one who had it in this weird relationship they had.. “One more word or else-“

“And then you said it, back at the school when I asked you again with that flustered face of yours. ‘I’m still exploring my feelings-“ Liam cut him off with a kiss, putting his full body weight on Louis. The lad beneath him quickly wrapped his legs around his waist, his arms on his shoulders and arching his back.

It was the very same thing he did back then.

Louis pulled away, licking his bottom lip. “I’m impressed. You still remembered.”

“Shut up.” Liam muttered, kissing him harder this time.

\---

“Goddamit, I forgot to bring my fucking jacket.” Harry muttered, his eyes following the stream of air that just came from his mouth. He looked around him and was almost on the verge of stealing someone else’s coat as he wasn’t just freezing his balls in there, he was also looking really stupid wearing a gray shirt in this kind of temperature. He was supposed to bring it. Who in the right mind living in this city would forget to bring a coat or jacket when he’s outside the house unless he was wishing for a slow death.

But Harry panicked. He forgot his phone, the car and his jacket and the only thing he had was his wallet and the paper with the whole night’s plan written on it. He couldn’t think straight the moment he dropped the call from Louis and all he could think of was Niall not showing up or Niall arriving earlier than him. So he hurriedly stepped out of the house only to remember all those things he forgot when he was already standing under this lamppost.

And now, three hours had passed and not even a single strand of his blonde hair had showed up yet. Harry wasn’t planning on waiting this long, but each hour, he convinced himself that Niall will be arriving any minute, thus not finding the time to leave and admit that he was being stood up.

Maybe he shouldn’t have done this in the first place. This was a stupid thing to do. Of course, he wouldn’t show up after what he had done. There’s no way he’s going to show and say, ‘Hey, I’m here, what’s up?’ and act like nothing happened before.

 What pisses him of even more was that this wasn’t just a simple invitation for both of them to hang out. This was the first time he put effort on it, he researched the best places the two of them could eat, he bought movie tickets, he planned their route – he never exerted much effort to anyone, ever before and right now – everything was going down the drain.

Harry bent over, stuffing his numb hands inside his pockets. “This is stupid. I feel stupid. I feel fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have come here. He’s probably laughing at me right now.” He bit his lips inside, trying not to show his agitation and frustration in the whole turn of events. “Why is he so fucking tough?” He grumbled, kicking his foot in the air.

This was worse than any rejection. It was like not being qualified enough to even receive a proper rejection. It was better if Niall could just hit him, and shout and scream and throw things at him, at least he’d know how much he affected the older lad. Not like this. Not in a way he felt like he doesn’t exist in his life anymore.

_“You don’t want to lose him, do you?”_

He realized he answered it wrong.

“He was never mine in the first place, anyway.” Harry said, finally giving up and walking away.

\---

“Please hurry up, sir. I need to get there, right now.”

“Then why didn’t you leave earlier?” The old man replied, sounding so pissed it was adding up to Niall’s impatience. “And now you’re going to blame me for not getting there on time...”

“Alright! I was confused okay? I didn’t know what to do! I want to go, I don’t want to go. I want to see his face, I don’t want to see his face, it’s all messed-up you got it? And I thought he was just joking and that there’s no way he’d wait for me so I ent home instead and waited for 30 mins, but then an hour has passed and he’s still not coming home and then another hour and then FUCK –“ He punched the seat’s headrest, startling the driver even more with his sudden outbreak.

“He’s still not there and I didn’t know what to do ‘cause what if I see him and I don’t know what to say and I get angry or he got angry instead And in the end it only got worse? I don’t know how I’ll react! Don’t you get it, sir? I’m having these feelings to someone I hate the most! And now, I’m inside this cab hoping he’s still there and half-hoping he’s not-“

“Then why don’t you tell him that, instead?” The man interrupted him, much to Niall’s surprise. “You seem to have a lot of things to say, kiddo.”

“It’s not easy. We never – both of us are never good at words.” Niall said, lowering his head.

“Then say it through actions!” He said, a matter-of-factly.

“It didn’t go well either. You see? None of it worked, so how was this whole thing supposed to work anyways!”

Slowly, the old man’s lips pulled up, smiling and wrinkling his face. “It’s easy – do you  _love_ him?”

“I – I don’t. I mean, I don’t know.” Niall sputtered the words, unable to find the right thing to say. “I haven’t reached that part yet.”

The old man shook his head. “Let me change my question then – are you afraid to lose him?”

For a second, he didn’t get the question. It felt like it was the same thing as asking someone if you loved him but slowly, Niall realized that it was something he was sure of. He didn’t want to lose Harry. They still had the chance to fix this – to work things out and get to know better.

“I can’t afford to lose him, sir.”

“Then it’s all you have to know, young man.” He said, leaning back and stepping into the gas.

\---

Harry was walking halfway from where he was standing when he heard a familiar voice calling out his name. His foot was unable to take another step as the voice grew louder. This couldn’t be the effect of exposing your brain into too much freezing temperature, right? Slowly, he turned his body around – he wanted to make sure...

“I – I’m...I’m sorry I’m late. I was-“

“You’re here...”

“Yeah.” Niall smiled, his lips slowly curving into a wide smile when Harry couldn’t take it any longer.

“Are you even aware that you’re three hours late? THREE HOURS! I almost died in cold in here, do you even realize that?”

“Excuse me? In the first place, who told you to wait for me for hours? You should’ve left after thirty minutes, you prick! And why are you blaming your dying body on me? There’s a thing called, coat or jacket! You don’t live in a tropical island, you idiot!”

“Wh-What did you just call me? I waited for you, and I’ll get nothing but a fucking insult? Ha! I can’t believe this! I can’t believe I went through all this –“ He angrily snuck his hand on his pocket, tearing the paper of his complete plan for the night in front of Niall, “All this plan to make you – to make it up to you all go down to waste!”

Niall watched with wide eyes the small pieces of paper that fell on the floor. “You – you planned, something?”

Harry turned around. He knew he just blew it, this time. He needed a fucking anger management. “Yeah, and now we’re going home.”

“Wait!” Niall pulled his wrist and turned him around. “We’re – we’re already here, so why not do it?”

“Why not do it? Really? The movie theatre and the parks are almost near to closing and the restaurant reservation I had for 6:00 was already given to those deserving, hungry couples.”

“Y-you, you had a reservation for a restaurant?”

“Yeah, that was my weekly allowance, you twat.”

“Alright, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to let you wait this long.”

“Yeah, you sure didn’t.”

“Will you stop sulking already?” Niall sighed heavily, knowing there’s no way he could make him feel alright. “How ‘bout I treat you instead?”

“WHAT?”

“I’m late, so I’ll be the one to treat you. Fair enough?”

Harry couldn’t believe this was actually happening. This wasn’t even anywhere on his theories of what might happen tonight. “And where are we going to eat?”

“Well, you’re familiar with this place so you tell me.”

“Fine.”

“Wait...” Niall tugged his shirt, turning him around again. “I - I want to eat somewhere – uh, high.”

Harry stared at him, trying to figure out if he was joking. But from the way Niall looked so fucking into it, like it was part of his bucket list or something, Harry considered it.

“So? Are we going or not?” Niall asked, impatiently tapping his foot.

Harry scratched the back of his nape. “Fine, but I swear, if I catch a cold in there-“

“Will you stop talking already and just lead the way? I’m starving!” Niall suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him from where he was standing. Harry’s eyes dropped to where Niall’s fingers were, softly touching his palms. He wondered if Niall was waiting for him to move his hands or if he wasn’t even aware of it at all. He didn’t know if he was allowed to, but Harry had been feeling so shit lately and this was definitely something that will make him feel better. Gradually, he slid his hand, linking their fingers together and led the way.

He waited for the reaction, as they started to enter the narrow lane where the food stalls are. He braced himself for Niall’s move of letting go, but instead, he felt this gentle squeeze that made him smile stupidly, trying hard not to be too obvious by squeezing him back. Harry didn’t have to look back to see if Niall’s okay with it and he didn’t have to let go either to know if what he’s doing was right.

For the first time, they did something both of them agreed upon. No questions asked.


	13. Chapter 13

Their holding hands didn’t really last for more than five minutes.

Harry had the urge to curse the whole marketplace as he never remembered it to be packed by this bloody time of the night. To add to his frustration, they were literally being carried away by the crowd, pulling him every minute further away from Niall each time he had the chance to hold him. Everytime their finger brushed and he got his hopes up, someone would break them away and Harry had to keep himself from swinging his arms in all directions and hoped for it to hit somebody.  _Like seriously, just let us hold hands then bump us whenever the fuck you want._

Meanwhile, Niall also did his best to reach him. He had been stretching out his arm for god knows how long just to take a hold of Harry’s hand but it all went down to drain when every person seemed to receive a memo of ‘Do Not Let Harry and Niall Hold Hands’ not to mention he was starting to suffocate from the crowd and he’s starting to shake. It occurred to him that he never told to Harry about his slight fear of overcrowded places, and this, actually makes him panic each time he lost sight of the lad.

“H-Harry?” He called out, losing track of how many times he said it and how many times Harry had disappeared. Even though he wanted to stay put and maybe just wait for Harry to see him, Niall obviously could not, as he was being pushed by people on every side of him. “Bloody hell, Harry, where are you?” He stood on his toes, panic on his eyes as he switched from one head to another, looking for a familiar curl.

“Niall?” Harry turned around to make sure Niall was able to follow him, but was shocked to see a line of Chinese people following his lead and not giving him time to stop for a second. They kept moving forward, and Harry had to go on tip-toes, which wasn’t easy when someone was scowling in front of him. “Niall! Shit –  _Niall_!”

Niall turned his head to where he thought he heard Harry’s voice. Thankfully though, he caught a glimpse of Harry being pushed further by a line of people in front of him and Harry saw him as well, waving his hand in return.

Niall waved back, not giving a shit or two to those who just cursed him when he might’ve elbowed someone right on their jaw. “HARRY! I’m here!” He was almost jumping as he called him, somehow calming his nerves. When Niall saw that he was standing in front of a bread shop, he quickly took the opportunity to slip inside, rather than irritate the rest of the people outside.

Harry came in after a few minutes, panting and almost barging inside the shop. “Niall?!” He didn’t hold back his yell, earning a number of grimaces back at him, including the owner. “Sorry, I was just-“

“Harry, I’m here!” Niall peeked out of one of the shelves, his arms filled with different kinds of bread. Niall didn’t miss the sudden skipping of his heart when their eyes met and somehow, he wished it wasn’t his imagination that Harry looked so glad that he’s there and he’s alright.

Hiding away the evident burn on his cheeks, he looked away and asked, “Bread’s alright for—“ Niall stopped as Harry’s arms blocked his vision. “-you?”

There was the sound of paper bags hitting the ceramic floor as Niall’s body collided against Harry’s chest. His hands dropped immediately to his sides while his brain tried to process what was happening. Before he could even realize what Harry was exactly doing, the lad spoke.

“Fuck. I’m so – shit, I thought you got lost.” Harry pulled him closer, his eyes shut and his fingers digging deeper to Niall’s shoulder blades. He had never heard felt so worried to someone like this before, to the point that he couldn’t suppress himself and he _just_ had to hold Niall.

The realization sunk in too quickly that he pulled away as fast as he could and grabbing four to six different breads all at once without much thought and dropped all of them by the counter. He just hugged Niall. Hugged him. In. A. Pastry shop. God, he was so close to losing it.

Niall stared blankly to the floor. His body buzzed to where Harry had touched him, to where his chest was pressed into and it was so close to making his brain and heart explode at the same time. Harry hugged him. Inside a pastry shop. In a public place. Because he was thought he got lost. It was too good to be true.

He didn’t notice Harry coming back to where he was still pinned into. “Are you planning to stay here or what?” He was furrowing his eyebrows again, looking really impatient, acting as if nothing had happened.  _As if you didn’t hug me._ Niall rolled his eyes, thinking Harry must’ve a multiple disorder. “What are you staring at?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at him.

 “Nothing.”

Their hands almost brushed against each other when Niall walked away, sending jolts of electricity on both lads. Niall was the first one to look where their hands were, almost an inch apart and if he just stretched out his finger…

But Harry brushed it away and walked ahead, afraid that one more contact, and he’ll definitely lose it.

\---

“Wow.” Niall’s reaction was by far, the best throughout the stretch of the night.

What happened back at the bakery appeared to have heightened his foul mood. If he wasn’t cursing every single person who bumps him or blocks his way, he’d be very whiny about how long it has to take for them to see the whole city then asks again where the fuck are they really going (“Are you sure you know where we’re heading?”) and complains about their breads getting cold (“Damn, we should’ve just stayed there, don’t ya think?”) and his legs getting tired (“I can’t do this, we’re looking for a high place not a goddamn mountain.”) and more complains that Harry couldn’t help but to curse on each step they take.

And If it wasn’t for Harry’s patience and self-control, he might’ve grabbed Niall’s face and kiss him to shut him up. It may ruin the whole night, but it’s worth the shot. And even though they already reached their destination and Niall finally got some good word out of his mouth, the thought of kissing Niall didn’t leave him.

The spot wasn’t really anything special, Harry always thought. It’s just a small space at the edge of the hill and a single bench facing the city. They weren’t really far enough for the lights to be nothing but mere spheres like how the movies do it, and if they look closely, they could still make out the shapes of the structures and they could still hear the bustling sounds of the marketplace. Still, Harry hoped it’s not that bad.

“How did you know about this place?” Niall asked, taking a step forward to the knee high fence and reaching out his hand in the air. Lucky for Harry, Niall appeared to have forgotten his bad mood.

“It’s more of like we just discovered it out of nowhere.” Harry said, dropping the bag of breads on the bench before he walked towards Niall and stood an arm-length beside him.

“We were in high school that time and we ended up cutting class, then Zayn suggested we should go for an adventure or something like that. So we walked around the city looking for an interesting place until Liam saw this park not many people go into. And then we were almost about to stay there but Louis saw this bench and then we all decided to go in here.”

“Seems like your bad deed turns out to be good, huh?” Niall cooed, raising his eyebrow a bit, obviously implying something. And Harry thought he was going to say something as a follow-up, connecting the series of events that had happened between them because of his temper and all. But instead of saying so, Niall just kept on smiling, his eyes switching from one spot to another that Harry couldn’t help but just watch him in awe and amusement. “It’s really beautiful.”

“Yeah.” Harry breathed out and he’s not clearly sure if it’s a response for Niall’s compliment or if it’s because he’s seeing the glow on his face even from the faint light of the view or the way his eyes flickered from the hundreds of lights reflecting on them – because it’s really beautiful.

When Niall noticed him staring, Harry almost fell like throwing himself off the hill as quickly looked away.  _God, he’s acting like a teenager._ He felt his stomach turned into knots nearly making his whole body curl that he had to tighten his grip on the fence and twist his neck to its very extent so he couldn’t see the other lad’s reaction.

“So, are you going to look away forever or I‘ll just have to figure it out myself why I’m here?”

“W-what?”  Harry asked the same time he faced Niall, almost losing his balance when their eyes met.  _Jesus Christ, Harry. Calm the fuck down._  

“Don’t act innocent! You – you asked me out! So there might be some kind of – err, explanation to this. I mean, why did you, you know. Asked me.  _Out_.” Niall realized it was a bad decision to look straight into Harry’s eyes. He never really pointed it out before but seeing him looking at him could actually take his whole strong façade off. And tonight, it’s barely even there.

Harry’s throat suddenly lost its will to utter out some words.  _Shit._ He almost forgot the whole point of asking him out. He never actually thought they’d reach this point, knowing that it’s supposed to be a step-by-step conversation from his plan. But this bloke turns out to be three hours late and now he doesn’t have a choice but to just,  _talk normally_ _,_  like what Louis said and he was sure as hell he’s going to fail.

Harry took a deep breath and scanned his brain for the most appropriate way or word to start the conversation in which he already bet his god-forsaken life, would end up really awkward and uncomfortable. He could feel Niall’s eyes piercing through his skin, the intensity of it adding the shiver that was already evident from standing under a goddamn post without any jacket on.  _I can do this. I can apologize properly._

“ _Is this a date_?” The question slipped out of Niall’s mouth even before he could stop it. He has been thinking, dying over it from the moment he received the paper from Harry and he just wanted to know. He wasn’t even able to stop his hand from slapping his lips and looking so shock as if Harry was the one who asked it.

Harry’s mind went from complete chaos down to a blank screen in a second. “What? I – uh, no – I mean, this” He pointed his finger to Niall then to himself, “is not a date – it’s a – uh, meeting.”

Niall felt like his whole body lost its skin. “A –  _what?_ ”

“A meeting! Yeah, this is a meeting. A meeting.”  _Oh fuck._  Where the hell did those words come from? A meeting? He felt like jumping off this fucking fence. Why does it matter anyway if this was a date or not – it’s not like it’d make a difference, right? And besides, Harry needed to think it over for a week if this really was a date.

“It’s almost twelve in the midnight and you’re referring this,” He mimicked the way Harry pointed his fingers, “you refer this as a meeting?” Niall had no idea why he was getting so pissed about this, although he tried his best not to let it show. Was he getting the wrong signals,  _again?_

“Hey, don’t blame this meeting to be almost midnight! It’s your fault anyway. If you arrived back there a bit earlier, then this meeting shouldn’t have taken this late.”

“Well if you should’ve just made it clear in the first place and not suddenly thrusting a paper to my chest, then maybe I could’ve come in here a bit earlier, don’t you think?” Niall had no intentions of losing this fight. He’s blood has been boiling for weeks now and if this is the time to let out some anger, then might as well take it. “You just  _don’t_ hand a paper to someone and expect them to be there!”

“And what kind of explanation do you want?  _When you don’t even want to talk to me_?” They’re feet apart now, noses flaring and not really taking any chances of withdrawing. The whole point of asking him out vanished together with the urge of them getting along. “You keep ignoring me and everytime I look at you, you turn the fuck away.”

So now he’s going to blame him for what he did last time?  _Good._  This is exactly just what he needed, Niall thought.  _More blaming_. He didn’t think twice as he took another step, cocking his head a bit just to make sure they wouldn’t have unnecessary contact. “Don’t blame that shit on me! It’s your fault! You’re worth ignoring anyways! You’re such an indifferent, bipolar, alien who got multiple personalities and doesn’t give a fuck about other’s feelings!” Niall raised his hand and intended to give just one hard blow somewhere on Harry’s head but Harry quickly to caught it and lifted his hand in the air.

He gripped his wrist tighter as he took one more step, finally pressing their heaving chests together. “If I didn’t give a shit about you, none of us would be here. I wouldn’t even waste my time planning this whole thing! Don’t you think that’s not the definition of indifference?”

Niall struggled to grip away, but Harry only tightened his hold on him, half of his body arching up. “Fuck! Let me go! You just keep doing this because you’re guilty. You really don’t care if I hate you or not anyways, so why the fuck would you care?!” He shouted, his breath burning on Harry’s cheeks.

“And who told you that I don’t care? Do you think it’s easy for me seeing you  _ignoring_  me? Acting like I don’t even exist? Don’t you think you should’ve given me enough explanation before you started ranting?” Harry tugged him again, not letting Niall’s hand slip away from him. If it’s the only reason he’ll stay and listen then he’ll hold onto it like his as tight as could. “All I wanted was for you to sit the fuck down and listen to me but you wouldn’t give me a chance!”

“No! I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear that voice of yours! You’re only sorry because you pitied me. And I don’t want to hear it! LET ME GO!” Niall jerked his body hysterically, pulling as hard as he could to just get away. He was already so messed-up, confused of what he was feeling, of what he wanted to feel – it’s tormenting. Harry had to stop being so kind at him if he doesn’t mean it.

And then Niall felt Harry’s grip on him loosened and before he could turn back and look at him, Harry’s large hands cupped his jaw, drawing their lips together. Their lips burned from the contact, the heat quickly traveling from their mouths until it was all over their bodies.

Niall’s hands gripped Harry’s waist, pulling him closer. He knows he should push him away, ask him if this kiss wouldn’t end up seeing him walking away again but Niall was too weak to do anything.  _His mind had gone completely blank_. He felt Harry’s mouth nip his upper lip, slowly and gently before moving down.

Harry knows he shouldn’t settle their argument with this - this  _gesture._  He still had to make things clear, still had to explain everything to Niall. But all of those things were far behind his head now. He couldn’t let this moment go. Not when Niall’s kissing him back and his hand sliding from his waist to his back. Not when he could hear his sharp breathing from his nose and his gasps against his lips. Not when his eyes are shut right now like he had waited so long for this.

“I – I didn’t mean to walk away that time,” Harry said, his voice coming out dry, his lips pressed on the side of Niall’s lips. “I didn’t leave you because I didn’t feel anything. Or because I didn’t care. It’s just that you were drunk and I…”  _I was going to take advantage of it. To touch you. To pin you down. To watch your face go really wrecked. To let you see how much you’ve been corrupting my mind ever since you stepped into our house and how I’ve been holding everything back._ He thought of saying all of it, but he knew there was time for that.  _Not now._  So Harry took a long, heavy sigh instead. “I’m sorry.”

Niall knew there’s no way he could say anything right now. He just had this urge to kiss Harry again.

He was so happy he couldn’t put it into words. It wasn’t just him who felt something back there. Harry was thinking about him. Thinking about how he’d react, of his situation, of his feelings.

His brain was jumping, heart bursting with so much happiness that he just had to do something – to show it. Niall curled his fingers through Harry’s locks, crooking his neck as he tiptoed and kissed Harry’s lips roughly. He parted his lips with his tongue, hands tightening on hair as he felt the bump of Harry’s tongue on his when Harry suddenly backed away, wide eyes staring back at him.

 “Did I – did I do something wrong?” Niall asked, voice shaky. Was it because of the tongue? Or was it because he was the one who initiated it? Was Harry sensitive on this part? But last time they did it…

Harry shook his head, regaining his composure and closing their distance again. For a moment, Niall thought Harry would kiss him all over again but Harry just leaned down and pressed his forehead on his. He cocked his head so every word was directed to Niall’s ears. “Don’t do that again, alright? I might –“ Harry paused, his hand snaking to Niall’s shoulders, squeezing gently. “I might not be able to control myself anymore.”

“I, uh, what?” Niall sputtered, not really sure if what he heard was right.  Niall’s body tensed. The sound of Harry’s voice so low and so hot against his skin sent an uneven throb between his thighs. He looked down, his fingers fiddling at the end of his

“Don’t worry about it.” Harry headed towards the bench, opening the bag of treats. “Let’s finish this before it gets really cold.” He offered, smiling and Niall dropped all his worries, sliding next to Harry.

\---

“By the way, what’s with high places again?” Harry asked, twisting his body and lifting his hip on the bench to face Niall.

“Oh, yeah –  _that_. I used to do this back home, sit on top of a hill or at the edge of a cliff or at the window of a bell tower – anything high. I just like the feeling, being relaxed, enjoying the view…” When Harry cocked an eyebrow, Niall followed up immediately. “But I’m not those kinds of people who talks to nature and shit. Like they sit there with their eyes closed and I don’t know, call for the guardians? Tried it, but was never really successful.”

Harry chuckled, throwing his head back a bit and Niall stared at him fondly. He had never seen Harry like this before, talking to him casually, asking him things -  _laughing_. It’s like they didn’t even have an argument before this. It felt so normal, yet special. Niall wished they could stay like this.

“How ‘bout you? What’d you do to relax?”

“Definitely not heights.”

“What?  _You serious_? You’re like afraid of heights or what?”

Harry beamed. “Not really sure about the whole phobia thing but I never really liked heights. I mean yeah, I could handle this – but not those real heights.” Harry emphasized, stretching his arm above his head.

“No, shit.” Harry Styles? That strong and arrogant face is afraid of heights? Now, that’s something worth knowing. He imagined him riding the Ferris wheel and crying like a kid, begging for everyone to bring him down. Or screaming on top of his lungs when the roller coaster goes up. Oh, that’s definitely worth seeing.

“You’re thinking of something funny.” Harry narrowed his eyes, seeing the way Niall’s grinning.

“Yeah, actually, I am.”

“And I’m very sure that includes something Harry Styles being afraid of heights.”

“That – I can’t say.” Niall replied, looking away.

And then Harry was throwing him that piece of sugar-raised bread and it hit him right into his face.

Seconds later, they were having a very messy, food fight – tearing the bread to pieces, chasing each other around the bench, wiping the crumbs to other’s faces and their laughter breaking the silence of the night. When there was no bread to waste and nothing but flocks of some scary black birds to feed, they collapsed on the bench, catching their breaths and watching as the moon goes higher in the sky.

Harry was almost sliding from his seat while Niall dropped his head on his shoulder, rubbing his fingers together to remove the remains of their food fight. It took them another couple of minutes before they were normally breathing again, watching the city below turn off most of its lights.

Niall couldn’t help but feel sad about it, knowing that any minute by now, they’ll be going home and he’ll have to figure out how to deal with Harry again.

Still lost with his thoughts, he only felt Harry’s fingers running through his hair on the second brush of his hand, nearly making him jump from his seat. Harry stopped, almost attempting to lift his hand away when Niall looked up, muttering ‘It’s okay’ before he settled back to his shoulder.  

Niall closed his eyes, feeling the slightest scratch of Harry’s fingernails on his scalp. It was just a shame that he couldn’t see Harry’s face right now. He wanted to see if he was smiling, or looking at him.

“Hey, Harry?”

“Hm?”

“Sorry for saying those things to you back there. It was really mean…” Niall trailed off, digging his fingers to the fabric of his jeans.

“Nah, I deserved it anyway.” Harry whispered, his fingers stopping from brushing his hair and just laid his hand on the nest of Niall’s hair instead. “I’m not really good at making quick decisions.”

“Yeah, I could see that.”

“Oh, do you now?”

“Mhm.” Niall hummed, grinning until his jaw felt strained.

Silence.

“Hey, Niall?”

“Hm?”

“I’m here, alright? I mean, you could say anything to me. I may be shit when it comes to giving advice, and maybe I’m not as good as Louis when it comes to making you laugh, and I know you know already I’m not like Liam and I’m not as philosophical as Zayn but – if you need someone to talk to, or you need some help – I’ll be here. I’ll listen.” Harry pressed his cheek further to his head and Niall closed his eyes. He felt Harry’s words sink right through him. “And I’ll try my best. I promise I will.”

“You – you don’t really have to promise…” Niall chewed his bottom lip, contorting his face in every way possible to control his sniffs and the way his chest heaves. “It’s alright…” Niall was thankful for the darkness and the position they were in or else, he’d have to come up with an excuse, because he’s definitely not going to let Harry see him cry right now.

Turns out, Harry was aware of his state but didn’t bother telling him. He knew.  _He always knew_. And Harry regretted the day he denied it. How he tried to convince himself that Niall’s a fake and that he wanted attention. That he judged him from the way he acts, instead of getting to know him. There were still so many things to apologize for, he thought. But for now, instead of saying anything, he grabbed his hand and held it as tightly as he could, hoping that as of the moment, it’s enough for Niall to know that from now on, he’s not alone.

He belongs to some place. And it was right here. Right beside  _him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :) Feedback would be lovely. x


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you guys deserve this. You’ve waited long enough for a proper smut without so much teasing and shitty cliff-hangers.
> 
> Warning: Smut/Mature Content

Harry heard nothing but his own heavy footsteps as he ran upstairs, his head hung low and hands scratching on whatever surface he could touch. He was on his limit. He could feel the burn travelling from his head down to his toes. That flame that kept swimming inside him, swallowing him from the inside and out.

He barely even stopped when he reached his room, slamming the door open and doing the same thing when he closed it. His sweat flicked in the air when he turned to his side, his hand quickly reaching for that knob and turning it hastily. It took him three big steps before he was completely inside the bathroom.

And just like what he did with the other door, he shut it with complete force.

“I’m going to die.  _I swear to god I’m going to die_.” Harry murmured in the darkness, his breathe loud and crisp on the contained room. He let his body slid against the door, feeling his heart pump on his chest, the trembling of his legs and the knots on his stomach that kept twisting in every way he could think of. He brought his knees up, resting his elbows with it as he ran his hands on his face, spreading that sticky sweat from his hair all over his face.  _Disgusting._

Harry stood up, stretching his arm a bit, his hand searching for that button to light up the room.

“Fuck,” Harry breathed the moment the lights went on, seeing his wrecked reflection in the mirror. His hair was all over the place, sticking to ever corner of his forehead and his neck glimmering with a disgusting amount of sweat. “I look like a fucking yeti.” With that, Harry turned the faucet and splashed the cold water on his face.

Harry lifted his face after feeling a bit refreshed. He did look far better from the way he looked when he first stared into his reflection, but the rest stayed exactly the same. He could still feel the build-up of sweat on his skin, those uneven knots in his stomach and those stupid images that kept popping out of nowhere.

He’s still burning.

\---

It all started when they got home from their meeting (Harry still doesn’t want to admit it’s a date).

After that night they kissed, Harry’s mind turned a bit, _messy._ It started seeing a lot of unnecessary things. Things he hadn’t noticed before, things he considered normal, but all of a sudden, they weren’t anymore.

Kissing Niall and being kissed back was the best and worst thing that probably occurred to that day. It’s not like he didn’t want it to happen or he didn’t like the way Niall’s lips felt against his. If he had to compare that kiss to those he had kissed before, it was definitely the best one, and even though he wouldn’t admit it yet, he really liked kissing Niall – and the idea of kissing him again was something he’d consider anytime.

The only problem is that, something definitely changed inside of him. His resolution not to do anything was fading faster than his build-up of self-control. Each time he remembers the kiss, Harry’s fingers would unconsciously touch his lips, drowning into the scene he tried so hard to remember that he gets lost in his own time and he’d find himself daydreaming about it.

One of the reasons why he was in this room was the issue he had with Niall when it comes to eating with him. He  _just_ couldn’t help but to observe him when he’s putting that spoon on his lips, wiping it clean with his tongue, the way his throat would bulge when he swallows the food and when he does it all over again. It was driving him insane and when it becomes too much, Harry just had to leave or else he might stab his face or his dick.

Niall, on the other hand, did a very good job of making things worse.

Harry would wake up with an arm around his waist and Niall’s lips pressed on his nape and Harry thought he was dreaming again. But then it was happening for three consecutive days and maybe Niall’s not dreaming anymore. He might as well know what’s going on with him that he kept doing the same thing.

One time, Harry came to class with a boner after seeing Niall butt-naked in the shower because that fucker left the bathroom door open and he had to endure three hours of Louis’s annoying voice teasing him about it.

It was ridiculous, how he’s experiencing this absolute torture just because of a simple kiss. Harry never thought he’d be this selfish. He wanted more. He wanted more than kissing, that was clear from the start, but he didn’t really give much thought that this is how it’d feel like. Like there was something inside his chest, clawing its way out and the more he stops himself, the more it forces its way out.

“Harry? You alright there?” Niall’s knocked, cutting his thoughts. Harry realized he was sweating all over again, his shirt already damped. He wiped the trickle of sweat on his chin and there he felt how hot he was. “Harry?” Niall called out again, and Harry heard Niall attempting to open the door.

“I – I’m okay. My tummy’s not feeling well.” Harry reasoned, surprised by how groggy his voice sounded. When he stood up, he almost slipped when his legs staggered from the heavy weight pressing on his shoulders.

“You sure you’re okay?” Niall called out, sounding a bit more worried this time and Harry couldn’t help but to smile.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He said, bracing himself in the counter. He needed to do something about this. If this goes on for another day, he might as well throw himself out of the window. And as much as he wanted to keep this problem to himself there was no other choice. Harry snuck his hand on his back pocket and reached for his phone, pressing a number and waited for the other line to ring.

“Hey, Zayn. Call Liam and Louis. This is an emergency – give me fifteen minutes, yeah? I’ll be there.”

\---

“Shit, Harry. You look like a fucking yeti!” Zayn gasped, clearly stating the obvious when Harry arrived on his doorstep. “Is this the emergency you’re talking about? You look like you’re dying.”

 _More like being tortured to hell,_  Harry thought of saying but his throat became drier and stinging each time he utter a word. The fifteen minute drive to Zayn’s house was another torture for his body as he felt weaker and almost close to collapsing. “Care to let me in first? I’m freezing out here.”

“Oh yeah. Of course. Sorry.” Zayn tapped his shoulder as he opened the door a bit wider, letting him see Liam and Louis sitting in the couch with a pillow in between them. Harry doesn’t have to ask if they were fighting. He stopped midway, looking back at Zayn with a questioning look.

“Been like that when they come in here. Looks like Louis did something again.” Zayn said, offering his hand for Harry’s coat. “I think it’s about sex or something.”

Harry felt his knees stagger. “S-sex? How did you know?”

Zayn shrugged. “I just figured. I don’t know. Louis called me once and asked me how to let Liam ‘loosen’ up. Until now I’m not sure what he meant by ‘loosen’ up.”

Harry stayed on his position, Louis and Liam unaware of his presence. Louis tried to nudge Liam, but the latter ignored him and even if he does, Liam only shot glares after glares toward the brunette. Harry figured this was something more serious rather than _just_ sex. Then again, he was having sort of the same problem and it was driving him insane.

“I think Louis wanted to top Liam.”

Harry’s eyes widened, looking back at Zayn who joined him on watching the two kept with their silent banter. “What? How – it’s not like that. It could be something serious. It can’t be about sex.”

“Pssh. Seriously, Harry. How could you say it’s not about sex? You know Louis. He makes a big deal of everything. He’s probably asking Liam to experiment about something.”

Just as Harry was about to defend Louis’s side, or whatever he’s trying to defend, Louis noticed them and quickly jumped out of the couch. “Oy. Harry! How long have you been there!”

“Long enough.” Harry acknowledged, smiling back at Liam as well. “What’s up with you two?”

“Liam here doesn’t want to try rimming.” Louis blurted out and all of a sudden, the whole house was in chaos. Harry completely lost his balance but thankfully falling on one of Zayn’s beanbags. Zayn, who was standing behind the coat hanger, staggered as well knocking it and then hitting the displays next to it, with some picture frames crashing to the floor.

And Liam, of course, stood up, his jaw dropped and hands flying to his hair as if someone had just spilled coffee to his pants. “Jesus Christ, Louis!”

“What?! I just told them the truth! And you two are overreacting. It’s not like you haven’t heard of rimming before.” Louis flicked his hair and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms on his chest with his fists balled. “It’s normal for us to try that, Li-Li.”

“Oh my god, please make him stop.” Liam dropped back on the couch, his hands now on his face. “Please.”

Louis uncrossed his arms, hitting his fists on the couch. “What? What are you ashamed of? Not because you’re the one topping doesn’t mean I can’t rim you right?”

“Fuck, Louis. Please spare us the details.” Zayn grumbled, picking up the pieces of his current destruction on his own house. “Hearing topping and rimming in one sentence makes me dizzy.”

“Oh shut it, Zayn.” Louis snapped.

“Shouldn’t the two of you be talking about this in private?” Harry coughed, adjusting himself from his sudden fall.

“I told you we should talk about this in private!” Liam leaned forward, eyes looking up at Louis. “I can’t believe you just bluntly said it.”

“Hey! I’m the one initiating the privacy! You’re the one who’s not talking!”

“How the fuck was I supposed to talk when you’re groping me!” Liam jolted up, their noses almost close to touching now and Harry couldn’t help but to remember the exact scene he had with Niall the last time they did that. “You keep on touching me, how am I supposed to say what I wanted to say?”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault? As if you don’t grope me in the middle of-“

“GUYS!”

“WHAT?!” Liam and Louis shouted as they both looked at Zayn at the same time.

“I get that this rimming issue is very serious for both of you. And shit, Liam just let him rim you okay? It’s going to end there anyway.” Zayn’s words had different effects for the Liam and Louis. Louis’s face lighted up as if he was waiting for those words to come out and he looked like he was going to kiss Zayn any minute now. Liam, on the other hand, turned completely frozen but his blood was all over his face. “Alright, now that’s over. Could we please proceed to the main reason why we’re here?”

“Finally.” Harry breathed out, smiling at the two who gave him apologetic looks. “Thought you two aren’t going to stop.” In which Harry was very thankful they did. He wasn’t sure how long he’s going to last such a very uncomfortable argument with his own problem playing inside his head.

“Harry, you don’t look very well.”

“It’s nothing. Just feeling a bit hot, but I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” He gently smiled towards Louis who gave him a reassuring nod before saying, “Alright then. Entertain us.”

“I’m pretty sure this isn’t even near to entertaining.” Harry replied, shaking his head as one by one, images of what happened appeared clearly on his mind. “Just, don’t laugh okay?”

The three exchanged looks and then nodded at each other before turning to Harry, smiling at him as if that’s their promise and Harry already knew this was going to end up really bad but having no other choice left to do, he started.

Ten minutes later, the whole place was covered with the thickest, most awkward atmosphere Harry ever felt when he’s with the lads. It was so thick Harry could feel it wrapping around him and stopping his movements. It was so silent that Harry could hear Louis gulping, Zayn clearing his thought and Liam’s breathe huffing and puffing as if figuring out what he’s supposed to say. By the feeling and sound of it, Harry knew this was a bad – no, it was the worst idea.

Of course they don’t know what to say. It’s not like everyday he’ll be talking about how he feels about Niall including the way his body reacts and all the things he never mentioned before on what he wanted to do with the lad. And by the way they reacted, Harry felt like it should’ve been better if they just laughed. At least he knows it’s nothing serious.

Finally, Louis took a deep, deep breathe enough to lift the end of Liam’s hair and then he stood up, sat next to Harry, and took another deep breathe. “I think, Harry – you are sexually frustrated and you need a good fuck.”

Harry blinked.  _He didn’t just say that, did he?_  Harry blinked again, trying to ask Louis through his eyes if what he heard was right. Louis, in return, cocked his head with a wide grin plastered on his face. He couldn’t be serious. This isn’t about fucking or being sexually frustrated.

“Louis –  _ugh_!” Liam’s words were cut off after Zayn hit him on his stomach, giving him a knowing look before he proceeds. “I – uh, yeah – go on.”

“ _What?_ No – wait. You’re getting it wrong –“

“What part did I not get right, exactly?” Louis narrowed his eyes, his forefinger tapping playfully on his chin. “You just told us that you feel ‘weird’ when you look at Niall’s lips. It’s normal because you kissed. But you also told us that you’re thinking of other things aside from kissing, which is still pretty normal, since Niall is hot. So you wanted to do more than just kissing! You want to have those lips wrapped around your d--”

“Okay. We could stop there.” Zayn interrupted, scratching the back of his neck. “What Louis was trying to say is that maybe you should, I don’t know, let go a little? Try not to hold it all in?”

“What? No – you don’t understand. I don’t-“

“Want to do it?” Louis cut him off, looking at him as if he doesn’t believe any word Harry was saying. In fact, Harry was thinking of the same. Was he feeling this because he wanted to do more than kissing? He imagined it before, well, more like he had thought of it before but actually doing it wasn’t really part of his plan. He never really thought it would come to this point.

“Alright, since you don’t want to answer that one yet, I’m going to ask you a different one. When was the last time you’ve been with someone?”

“Louis! It’s not the issue here!” Harry scrunched his eyebrows, feeling the sting on his throat.

“It is! Come on, just answer me, alright. It’ll help you. Now if remember correctly, you dated that girl named Tevlor.”

 “Her name’s  _Taylor_.” Liam corrected, shaking his head with his hand on his face.  “Christ, when will you ever learn how to properly pronounce a name?” Zayn nodded in approval.

“It’s the same. Tevlor, Taylor. We’re all talking about the same person, right Harry?” He nodded, still not getting the whole point of this conversation. “So, when was the last time?”

“Uhm, last two years ago?”

“And did you have sex during those times you were together?”

“Seriously…” Harry shut his eyes. This is a huge mistake. How would this help him in dealing with Niall?

“Come on, just answer it.” Zayn encouraged and Harry swore he could see the amusement in his eyes. He really needs new friends. He felt like he’s sitting on one of those interviews where they ask the celebrity of their deepest, darkest, creepiest secrets.

Harry gulped. “Alright. We did. We did have sex.”

“Well, was it good?”

“Uh, yeah? I mean – she’s a control freak when it comes to you know, positions and shit. But it was good.” Harry just wanted to curl into this very tiny ball and to roll out of the door, to forget about this whole conversation and not to go back in Zayn’s house ever again. Now he’s even reminded how blondes quickly take his attention.

“After that, did you ever had sex again?”

“Uhm, no.”

“But-“ Louis quickly added, “There’s a but, right?”

Zayn and Liam exchanged looks. Oh right.  _That one._  Sometimes, Harry wished Louis would knock his head on something so he’d forget about the smallest details. “I – uhm, tried it with a guy. Last Christmas.”

Zayn stood up, clapping his hands. “Holy shit! I remember that one! You went out with William for about a week, right?  _Fuck!_  I almost forgot about it!”

“William? You mean the exchange student? You had  _sex_  with him?” Liam gaped, showing the same interest the way Zayn and Louis’s faces had. “I – I didn’t know about it.”

“Nobody did, okay? It was nothing. It was just an experiment. He said he liked me so I asked him if he wanted to do it. It’s obvious it was what he wanted.” It’s not like Harry was overanalyzing but god – that was two blondes in a row. _Shit._

Louis coughed, leaning closer and dropping his chin on the back of his hand as he rested his elbow on his knee. “So, was it better than your experience with Taylor?”

Harry leaned back. “I guess so? Or I don’t know. Maybe he’s just good and experienced.” Harry lied. He knew from the way William eyed him that he was good and experienced. More reason for him to go on with the experiment. It turned out good, actually. “Uhm, I think I preferred William compared to, er – Taylor.”

“So, you prefer dicks than vaginas now?” Louis said in the most normal tone Harry ever heard of someone mentioning genitals.

“I – I can’t answer that. I’m not sure. It’s just an experiment okay? I may still like girls. I haven’t tried it again.”

“That’s not a problem, I could always hook you up – or Zayn. Perrie, the one he brought her last time, got three other friends. Wha’d you say?” Louis reached a hand to Zayn’s shoulder, squeezing him.

“I, ugh. I’m not in the mood.” Which was another lie. Harry couldn’t just say it right away. He didn’t prefer anyone in particular as of the moment. All he could think of was Niall. And even though a hot, blonde chick would strip in front of him, Harry doubts it’ll even make him take a glance if Niall’s with him. He wasn’t concluding, but Harry knew himself – he knew what he wanted and it was Niall. But he doesn’t know what to do about it or if thinking about it was even right.

“Okay. Since you don’t want to go out, how about you try that experiment again? But this time, you’re going to try it with Niall.”

Harry jerked up, feeling a bit out of balance from his feet. “No. No way, Louis. It’s different. Why would I – no. I can’t. We can’t.”

Louis crossed his arms. “Why? What’s wrong with it? It’s not like you two are strangers. You two already kissed!” Louis faced Zayn and Liam, getting their say to it and the idiots dumbly nodded. “See?”

“How could it be better?! It could ruin everything!” Harry argued, throwing his hands in the air. “We’re already fine with this, alright?”

“Who said you were fine with it? Look at your face, Harold. Look at your reactions. That’s not fine at all. It’s either you try it with him or you go out with someone else. Or else you’ll explode and I bet it’s going to end up much worse.” Louis opened his arms. “It’s your choice, mate. And besides, how would you know it’d be ruined if you wouldn’t even try?”

“I – I can’t risk it.” Harry slumped on the couch, massaging his head when a sudden thumping started just above his eyes. “I don’t know…”

“Well, I’m always free when you need some help!” Louis chipped, making Liam jump to his feet and grab Louis’s wrist.

“That’s it. We have to talk.  _Now.”_  He pulled Louis up from his seat with so much ease and dragged him upstairs. Louis, who didn’t even showed any sign of restraint, even got the chance to wink at Harry and Zayn.

“I can’t believe it. Liam’s going to fuck Louis in my bed. In. My. Bed.” Zayn groaned, staring at the empty staircase. “Louis created a monster.”

Harry was barely listening. There was so many things going on his body. There were places that pricked, places that thrummed painfully. Maybe Zayn was right. Maybe he was really was dying.

He sighed. In the end, the whole reason of why he came here only ended up realizing he was into blondes and Liam has an issue with being rimmed.

Zayn shook his head one last time before turning to Harry, then sat next to him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Did you ever like, wank with the image of Niall?”

Harry felt his throat clench and the next thing he knew, he was coughing and not just ordinary coughing, the hey-it’s-my-intestine-in-the-floor-type-of-coughing. Zayn laughed and brought him a glass of water, sliding his hand on his back and tapping it gently. “Mate. I didn’t know you were this sensitive on these kinds of topics.”

Harry drank the water in one gulp. “ _Fuck you_.”

Zayn chuckled. “So did you, or did you not?”

“No. Okay? No, I didn’t.” Harry promised to himself he’s not going to do that.

“Have you ever thought of it?”

“Zayn, this is really making me uncomfortable.”

Zayn laughed again. “Then let’s use to its extent, shall we? Just answer it.”

“Fine. I’ve thought of it.  _Once._  But I didn’t do it. I swear I didn’t.”

“Don’t worry,” Zayn rubbed his shoulder tapping it twice before Zayn elbowed him. “I know you’re pure as an angel.”

Harry rolled his eyes, taking the pillow and throwing it towards Zayn. “Shut up.”

“So what are you gonna do now?”

“I believe I’m the one who called for the emergency meeting, right? You lot are supposed to help me. That’s why I’m here.”

Zayn smiled and leaned back, folding his hands at the back of his head. “In my opinion, I think you should just go for it, you know? I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but you can’t run away forever. You have to deal with it, Harry. It’s risky but just like Louis said, how are you supposed to know if you wouldn’t even try?”

 “Uhm…yeah. Sure.” Harry gave up. That’s the best he could get from this.

“And Harry?”

“Hm?”

“It doesn’t just apply on this situation, alright? You can’t expect Niall to know what’s going on inside your head or your heart if you won’t say it or show it. If actions speak louder than words, then do both. Just to be sure, you get what I mean?”

Harry nodded, not planning to prolong the conversation. The thing is, action or words, Harry knew he’s both worse with it – what more when Niall’s in front of him?

\---

Harry drove his car back as slow as possible, still not wanting to deal with the whole thing about Niall just yet. But even with his greatest efforts to just roam around the town, he was feeling weaker and dizzier he just had to go home and rest. Maybe a good night sleep could help him think. However, the moment he opened the door and saw Niall watching The Avengers and eating burger on the couch, the strength to go upstairs left him as quick as Niall greeted him with a smile.

“Where are they?” Harry sat at the far end of the couch, just like how he saw Liam and Louis a while ago, afraid that skin contact may not be very good for him right now. Niall looked at him questioningly, but didn’t bother asking.

“Uhm, shopping.” He went back to watching, taking large amounts on his food. Harry, who was never a big fan of hero flicks, watched Niall eat instead. There was it again. The way his mouth opens, the way his lips touched the bun and then that mayo smudging all over it – Harry felt his stomach tighten, his cock twitching under his pants that he just have to quickly grab a pillow and try his best to cover it naturally.  _This is bad. They’re alone and all these thoughts are running through his head._

“Hey, you’ve been very weird lately are you sure you’re not sick?” Niall asked, his hand reaching for Harry’s forehead but Harry was quick enough to shove it away. He didn’t have to see Niall to know his reactions, he was sure as hell, he’d be pissed about it later but he had no time to think, he really just needed some kind of distance.

He stood up, muttered an apology and ran upstairs, removed his shirt and pants, threw it somewhere and then buried his body under the sheets even with the burn eating him up and without noticing, Harry quickly drifted to sleep.

\---

Harry woke up from the sweat pooling on his back. The sheets were all over his arms and legs sticking into every part like fucking leeches Harry kicked and removed it with great efforts. Even with the slightest movement, he felt his muscles all over his body straining as if he worked all day carrying things while swimming and running at the same time.  _God, I can’t move._  When he finally shucked the sheet out of his chest, he was surprised to see Niall sitting beside him, busy with his laptop he doesn’t seem to notice what he’s going through.

“What time is it?” Harry asked, turning to his side to face Niall.

“1:45 AM.” Niall said flatly, not even looking at him.

“They’re here now?” Harry tried again, knowing that Niall was upset after what he did earlier.  _If only he knew._

“Still out. They told me they’ll be going back tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry didn’t know what to say next. If he said sorry and Niall asked him what happened back there, what would he say?  _I got a boner from watching you eat_. He might as well be burned alive rather than say that. Maybe he should just sleep again, let it go and just wait for tomorrow. He let his eyes drift until he got stuck to Niall’s hands on the keyboard, dully watching his fingers tap from one button to another.

“You look like shit.” Niall said out of the blue, making Harry lift his head up and meet Niall’s gaze at him.

“Uhm yeah. Thanks.” Harry saw his one hand move away from his laptop and he wanted to swat it away, but it was too late – the moment his guitar-calloused fingers brushed on his forehead, Harry lost all the will to push it away.

“Shit, Harry! You’re burning!” Niall threw the laptop to his feet, moving his body until he was kneeling in front of Harry, his hands still touching his forehead. “You have a fever! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know it’d get worse, okay?”

“Are you a kid or what? Do you know you have to take medicines? How long have you got this? Yesterday? The day before that? Shit-“

“Stop panicking, alright? I’m not going to die.”

“Yeah, right.” Niall pulled his hand away and got off the bed.

“W-where are you going?” Harry freaked out. What – what did he said wrong this time to make Niall leave again?

“Calm down. I’m just going to get some medicine and towel.”

Embarrassed from his sudden reaction, Harry turned his back away from Niall and asked him to go faster. When he heard the door shut, Harry twisted his body around again with so much difficulty and stared at the door, counting the seconds before Niall comes back again. Breathing through his nose, Harry became worried if Niall ended up coming to the drugstore – he doesn’t want to be left alone this long, especially if he needed to be taken care of.

It’s ridiculous how his heart jumped in joy when the door opened, seeing Niall’s face all scrunched up as he held a small basin, a box of medicine and three towels on his other hand, Harry couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s just a fever Niall, I’m not giving birth.”

“Shut up.” Niall sat on the corner of the bed, placing the basin on top of the bedside table. “Sit up and turn on your back.” Harry did as he was told, suddenly feeling a bit awkward now that he realized he was just on his boxers. It’s not a big deal before, being known to be confident when it comes to being naked, but it’s different when he’s with Niall and he’s naked and they’re alone and he’s still feeling hot.  _It’s a lethal combination._

The sound of water rippling behind Harry made him shudder, knowing that any second now, Niall would be wiping his back and Harry wasn’t so sure anymore if it’s still a good idea.

When the warm towel touched his skin, Harry flinched and heard Niall murmur something like  _‘It’s alright’_  and Harry wanted to answer  _‘No, it’s not. You’re touching me and it’s not alright’._ Suddenly,  Niall wiped a long stripe from his nape to the end of his spine that all Harry could do was just to shut his eyes and ignore the sudden knots his stomach was doing.

Five to six more strokes and Niall tapped his shoulder. “Turn around.”

“W-what?”

“I need to wipe your chest, alright?”

 _No. No. Fucking hell no._ Harry’s vision swirled. It’s a whole different thing once he turns around. They’ll be too close and – and –  “I’ll just wipe myself.” Harry offered, twisting his torso and laying his hand in the air. “Give me the towel.”

“Don’t be a baby, alright? Just turn around and let me do it.” Niall held his shoulder and Harry’s hips jerked from the contact. “Harry, turn around.”

“No. I’m feeling better now, okay? Just let me do it.” Harry said, swallowing hard when Niall tightened his grip on his shoulder. “Just give me the towel, Niall.”

“No. Turn around and I’ll do it.  _You’re sick_.”

“I’m better now.”

“Why won’t you turn around?”

“Because! I can do it by myself!” Harry dropped his head, his hands clasping the sheet beneath him. Just give me the towel…”

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” And with that, Harry felt his body drop on the mattress.  “I’m trying to help and you won’t let me. What? Did I do something wrong again? Tell me!” Blue eyes became glass-like as Niall bit his bottom lip, his jaw clenched and fingers shaking against Harry’s skin. “

“What are you staring at? Say something!”

“I can’t – I’ll just –  _I’ll show you_.” Harry raised both of his hands and cupped Niall’s jaw, pulling him down and pressing their lips together. His fingers quickly running back to his head, fisting his hair as he pushed Niall’s face further, his tongue parting Niall’s lips in what Harry could only describe as desperation.

Niall was still on his side and Harry decided he needed more contact, more skin, more of Niall’s skin against his skin, that fucking burn he always felt whenever their skins brushed, he wanted to be swallowed by it so much that he wouldn’t feel anything but that continuous stir of heat inside of him. He slid his hand on the back of Niall’s waist and tugged him so he’d be on top of him, the lad gladly doing so, without parting their lips, placing his knees on both sides of Harry’s hips.

Niall’s hand on his shoulder moved to his jaw, the other one lightly holding his waist and tracing his thumb along his skin sending a bolt of arousal all over his body.

“Let’s take this off, okay?” Harry curled his finger at the edge of Niall’s shirt. Niall nodded, dazed, pulling his chest up and stripped his shirt off in a way that his body sort of slithered away from the fabric that Harry just had the urge to fucking palm himself because he was so fucking hard right now, it hurts.

“C’mere…” He whispered and Niall lowered his body, kissing Harry once again, their kiss being more tongues and teeth rather than just lips pursed. Their hands roamed around their bodies, gripping and squeezing every flesh they could touch.

Another moan escaped Harry’s lips when Niall started to grind down on him; his hard-on pressing on Harry’s stomach it was unbelievable that they were actually doing this. Harry didn’t waste his time and let his lips trail down on Niall’s chin, down to his neck then to his collarbone, biting and sucking the skin that quickly turned red. “God, you’re so hot.” He murmured under the languid movements of his tongue.

“No… _You’re hot_.” Niall rutted his hips harder, his lips pressed on Harry’s ear as he accented each word.  “I mean – like you’re really-“

“I know, I know.” Harry chuckled, his hands on Niall’s waist, as they moved their hips together, harder and faster. Harry slowly dipped his thumb on the waistband of Niall’s sweatpants and boxers. “I need –  _more.”_  He said, but it came out more of like he was begging, but Harry didn’t care less.

“Fuck. Yeah. Me too.” Niall said, almost out of breathe. He dipped his head beside Harry’s, balancing himself as both of his hands worked on removing his sweatpants. When it was down to his knees, Harry couldn’t help but to groan on the sight of Niall’s cock tight against his boxers. He barely even brushed his palm on it, when Niall’s whole body jerked upwards, revealing Niall’s flustered face, watery eyes and his hair having their own life.

“Is it, okay?” Harry looked him in the eyes, wanted to make sure there was no sign of disapproval. Fuck, even if there was, he wasn’t so sure if he could actually stop.

“ _Please.”_  Niall gasped and Harry felt like he just had a cardiac arrest. Regaining his composure, Harry pulled Niall down, kissing him lazily as he slowly worked his hand on his cock, palming the shape of it, rubbing his hand up and down. “Shit – shit. God, Harry. I’m not – I’m not gonna last.” Niall’s whole body started to spasm, his hands on both sides of his head now, curling and twisting the sheets, Harry thought he was crying.

“ _Harry.”_  Niall said desperately and it was all Harry needed to hear, his hand slipping inside Niall’s boxers and pulling his hard and leaking cock out. He didn’t ask Niall this time and started flicking his wrist, stroking it gently. Niall was harshly breathing against his ear, “Shit. Could you – _ah_ , go faster?”

“Fuck, Niall. Don’t be so vocal.” It was supposed to be a thought but Harry couldn’t control what’s slipping out of his lips anymore. He circled his thumb over the head, pressing down on the slit, jerking faster until he could feel and hear the vibration of Niall’s voice running straight to his untouched dick. Harry changed paces until Niall started thrusting on his fist, the sound coming out of their mouths were beyond human anymore. Without a warning, Niall let out a dry scream, spilling his hot release on Harry’s hand and in between their chests.

“Let me do it too.” Niall kissed the skin under his earlobe and before Harry could stop him or probably say something innocent or something,  Niall’s pulled his boxers down, his breathe hitching when his cock finally sprang free. “ _You’re so wet_.” Niall emphasized, smearing his pre-come with his thumb, putting some pressure as he slowly slid it down to his length. “God, you wanted to be touched so bad…”

“Fuck, Niall – stop.” Harry’s hands dropped to his sides. It was his turn to grip the sheets and probably rip it off. He couldn’t believe Niall was talking dirty right now. And he’s so damn turned on about it. Could it be that Niall has another personality in bed? And Jesus Christ –  _his hand_. It was rough and warm and gentle and every movement he did on his cock made Harry’s whole body twitch it was so fucking unbelievable and hot and Harry had never been so turned on like this. It was nothing compared to his experience with Taylor or with William. “Oh. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

His eyes fall completely shut when he felt the familiar feeling pooling inside his stomach, his back incredibly arching so high now. Toes curling, head thrown back and mouth dry and open, Niall pressed sloppy kisses on his mouth, moving his hand faster until Harry came with cry, hips jerking up as Niall continued to stroke him through his orgasm.

They silently removed their Niall throwing him a towel and without a word, they wiped their hands and chests clean. When they were done, Niall collapsed beside him, his eyes on the ceiling.

“So, uhm. That’s what you’re thinking about?”

“Seriously. You have a good way of destroying a mood, you know that?” Harry rolled to his side, facing away from Niall. He heard the other lad snort, but just smiled at his reaction. He felt the exhaustion coming, his eyelids getting heavier in each blink.

Louis was right. He wouldn’t know if he didn’t try. And this was million times better than he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, there you have it. The first smut. I know it’s not much and I don’t want it to be that explicit, I don’t know. Maybe it’s explicit after all. Fuck. What is my life.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I know it's been so long and I'm really sorry. I know this chapter isn't long and good enough to make it up for those two months, so I'm apologizing now. I still hope you like it though. :)
> 
> By the way, to those who need constant updates for the state of my writing, please visit my tumblr: theallegoryofzayn 
> 
> Thank you! X

Harry doesn’t have to close his eyes to remember what happened last night. It was as clear as a crystal ball. Every scene played smoothly. Everything was so vivid he could still hear the way Niall’s breathe hitched, still see how Niall’s eyelashes fluttered, or how his lips looked so moist and swelling when he bit it.

He felt like his cheeks were tearing apart from the way he was grinning, but Harry couldn’t help it. Watching Niall on top of him, glistening with his own sweat, with his hair all-messed up and his face looking utterly wrecked, it was just so hot, Harry couldn’t find any other words to describe it. And fuck – seeing Niall like that was like seeing an entirely different person. Who knew he was good at talking dirtily? And how good he was with his hand on his dick? And how desperate and lost and ruined he looked while rutting his body and trying to hold back his moans?

“Shit,” Harry muttered, burying his mouth on his pillow, muffling the sudden escape of his moan as he was now aware of his hard-on. He moved his hips, the slight friction of his boxers brushing on his cock was sending jolts of electricity in his body. He was so close to palming himself when he stopped – realizing he was still in his bed and Niall was just like, an arm-length behind him, in which he could still be asleep or awake and will freak the fuck out if Harry started moaning furiously.

The weird thing was that bloke hadn’t move so much since Harry woke up. Usually, Harry would wake up with Niall’s dick brushing on the crack of his ass or his arm gripping so tight on his waist Harry wasn’t so sure if he’s really just dreaming or he’s just that clingy when he’s asleep and it gave him a hard time making sure Niall wouldn’t notice his boner. Not that he mind though. He was kind of getting used to it, to be honest. And waking up without any part of Niall’s body pressed next to his was like waking up in the wrong side of the bed. Something was just -- _off_.

When Harry turned around, his face dropped. Niall wasn’t there.

He sat up, confused. Harry ducked below the bed, just to make sure Niall didn’t roll over and ended up sleeping in the floor. He wasn’t there as well. Harry glanced to the clock at their bedside table, it read: 08:47 AM [SUN]. Harry stared at it and tucked away the sheets on his hips.

Normally, Niall wouldn’t still be awake at this time of the day. Harry already knew that the first week they met and now that he thought of it, it was kind of stupid, memorizing these certain things. During those times when they really on-board on pissing each other off, Harry would wake him up around 7 and tell him to get up and jog rather than sleep for half of the day and Niall’s come back would be ‘Fuck off, Harold’ while giving him the middle finger.

So what in this particular morning could’ve convinced Niall to get up so early?

There was nothing to panic about, Harry thought. It’s just Niall’s empty side. He just woke up earlier this time, no big deal. _No big deal_ , he kept telling to himself, still staring that mocking space where Niall should be. Where he could watch him breathe slowly, his hair turning into that unbelievable golden nest everytime he turns. No, Harry wouldn’t overthink this. He wouldn’t. He’ll go back to sleep and forget about his bloody boner.

But he couldn’t. Because there it was – that small spark that was slowly clawing out of his skull.

And Harry was suddenly nervous. What if the reason Niall left the bed early was because of what happened last night? What if he didn’t even sleep at all? What if the moment Harry slept, Niall sneaked out of bed with a disgusted look on his face and decided he’d just sleep in the couch – or worse, for the rest of their days as they live together? Harry slapped his forehead. He couldn’t stop it. They kept coming and it was eating him inside out.

 “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Harry jumped out of the bed, hands on his hips as he paced around the room.

First things, first: he didn’t force Niall to do anything. Second, if there was someone to blame from what happened, it’d be him since he’s so fucking eager to wipe his chest and he had that reason to lose control. _Okay_ , so maybe he’s being a bitch about this and it’s not really Niall’s fault but if he really didn’t like it, he should’ve said so in the beginning, he should’ve pushed him away and said something that would convince him to forget about it. But he didn’t – which only means, Niall did like it.

He stopped in front of the closet, dropping his head on one of its doors. He banged his head quite a few times, muttering to himself on why is he so horny and why couldn’t he stop panicking about this and why is life so cruel to him each time he tries to be happy. He was planning on doing this with the back of his head when he smelled something – _burning._

He sniffed again, so close to the way the dogs do it, making sure he got it right. When he opened the door, there was no denying that something was definitely burning. And then Harry was on his feet, pulling his pajama and shirt that was lying on the floor, running and skipping steps on the stairs, opening the main door and then the windows. When everything was done, he stood in the middle, watching the gray smoke subside at the ceiling. He followed the trail and ended up facing the kitchen.

And then there was Niall.

He blinked furiously. The lad didn’t seem to notice him. He was coughing, covering his mouth as he turned off the stove and covered the pot from where the smoke came from. He was waving his hand in the air when he turned around and Harry might as well shit himself.

Niall was wearing this bright yellow apron with large embroidery of ‘Home is where the heart is’, the one that his mum got from their neighborhood Christmas exchange party and never used it, saying it was the most horrible apron she ever saw. Saying that, Harry thought she burned it. But there it was – that _shitty_ apron – and Niall’s wearing it and something about it makes the whole _shitty_ apron not _shitty_ at all.

Harry almost imagined Niall wearing that apron while flipping pancakes, serving him cookies while doing his homework or preparing soup after a long day when he saw the state of the kitchen, and all of those domestic thoughts vanished in an instant. It was as if Hades just decided to release the Krakken into their kitchen. There were utensils everywhere, both for cooking and baking. On one corner, the electric mixer, molders, cookie cutters and varied sizes of bowls were all huddled with obvious traces of flour and spilled milk. On the counter beside it, Harry noticed bags of fruits and vegetables, cans and cartons toppled at the edge, some were already on the floor.

Harry thought it was the worst, but when he turned to the sink, Harry’s eyes widened, taking a few steps back. He stared into Niall’s laptop comfortably sitting beside the sink and was currently plugged. He always thought Niall was fairly stupid, but seeing that, he sure went the extra mile. He was everything Harry hated when someone’s in his kitchen – messy and careless. His words were already ready to slip out of his tongue, ready to give Niall a whole day of lecturing on ‘How You should use the Kitchen and Try not to Burn the House Down’ when the lad turned around, their eyes meeting and Harry forgot everything he planned to say at this point.

His face looked just as wrecked as he was last night, except for the traces of flour on his cheeks and bits of food sticking on his hair. He noticed how his eyes were droopy and when he smiled, Harry felt like his stomach was attacked by a swarm of butterflies. His fingers ached to touch him, to run his thumb on his cheeks and gently wipe all those stuffs on his face. He wanted to do those things without worrying about what will happen after, what Niall would think afterwards and just go for it.

But he couldn’t. He knew he would be crossing a dangerous line once he does and Harry isn’t ready for that yet. And perhaps, so was Niall.

Harry didn’t want to think about it right now, so he cleared his throat and looked around to distract himself. “Care to explain to me what exactly happened in here?”

Niall bit his lip, trying not to look offended as he fiddled with his apron and looked down. “Well, uhm. I tried cooking.”

“Oh,” Harry crossed his arm on his chest, thumbs tapping his biceps. “Let me taste it then.”

Niall blinked at him, mouth slightly open. “W-what? No. Don’t. I mean, I haven’t even started yet.”

“Shit. If this is how the kitchen looks like without you getting started yet, I wonder what it’ll look like once you do.” Harry only meant it as a joke, but for some reason, he saw Niall looking a bit offended. _Fuck_. Wrong move, Styles, he said to himself, trying hard not to hit himself with the spatula. Why couldn’t he just have this automatic filter for his words?

He then caught Niall staring at the dining table, in which Harry followed with his eyes. And there it was – a tray that screams ‘Niall Horan’s Dish’. Harry’s curiosity went up, seeing the bowl sitting in the middle, a platter of cookies and cupcakes (which kind of looked weird) and a glass of orange juice.  He smirked. Now, he really have to taste those. He didn’t mention this to Niall though, just walked past him and headed straight to the table.

“Wait! Harry!” Niall was suddenly in front of him, both hands outstretched. “What are you doing?”

“What are _you_ doing?” Harry asked pointedly, seeing Niall’s stance like he was about to push a goddamn rock. “I see you’ve come up with something. I’m just going to taste it.”

“Taste it?” Niall hissed. “Bloody hell, no. You can’t – that’s – that’s mine. Yeah, that’s right. I’m going to eat all of that, you can’t touch them.”

“I didn’t say I’m going to finish them, I said, I’ll taste it. Really, you’re not going to be this selfish after I always share my food to you, are you?” Harry tried slipping to the side, but Niall moved quickly, blocking his way and looking rather guilty for what he said. “See? Now get out of the way and let me just taste it. You looked like you’ve been working for hours now, so they should taste good.”

“No way. And what are you doing in here anyways? You should still be asleep!”

“You should be the one who should still be asleep!” Harry yelled back, hands suddenly coming up to his waist. “It’s Sunday and you should still be there beside me—“ Harry stopped, just in time he felt his blood getting drained from his face. Niall was outrageously staring back at him; his mouth so close to what a fish would do when it’s out of the water.  

 _Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck._ Harry didn’t want to go through this right now, he didn’t want to explain anything at all so he took Niall’s distraction as a chance and ran all the way to the dining table, Niall screaming his name as Harry stood behind it, right where Niall’s dish was.

“Seriously, you’re overreacting.” He was thankful that Niall didn’t seem to dwell on what he said as he kept muttering ‘No, Harry – don’t fucking touch that’ while trying to figure out how he could take the food away from him, or take Harry away from the food. “You should really get some sleep once you finish eating this…” Harry trailed of as he looked down to what Niall had cooked and baked. And as much as he tried to keep a passive face, it was impossible. The cupcakes were all crumbling and the only thing Harry was sure that they were cupcakes was because of that hideous blue frosting and the wrapper, the rest looked like a mud topped with bits of chocolates. Lastly, the bowl of soup in the middle looked more like it was just water with thrown-in vegetables and meat. He coughed. “…this – this thing.”

He picked up the soon, stirring the soup and scooping what he figured was avocado. “What is this?”

Niall gulped. “S-spicy broth with avocado and tomato. B-but I added some meat and uhm, vegetables.”

“Hm, sounds inviting.” It might not look as appealing, but Harry knew there are certain dishes that aren’t so visually delicious but is exactly the same opposite once you tasted it. Niall’s cooking could be that one although Harry wouldn’t even dare touch those cupcakes. He knew so much about it he wouldn’t dare.

“I swear to god, Harry.” Niall gripped the end of the table, looking at Harry like he couldn’t decide if he’d pounce or he’d beg for him to not go on.

“What?” Harry cocked an eyebrow, smirking. The spoon was already halfway to his mouth and it was fun seeing Niall’s face show different expressions each time it gets closer. If this was how fun teasing Niall, he might as well add this to things he had to do before the end of the day. “’M just gonna taste it.”

“You’re gonna die!” Niall yelled, his face shining with sweat. “Don’t fucking taste it, _Harold_!”

“Now you just lost it.” Harry grinned, finally taking in the spoon to his mouth. “You shouldn’t have called me Ha --- Har – Ha…” Harry dropped his spoon, his hand flying to his throat feeling like it was being sliced by a dull knife and then exposed to the sun. He couldn’t feel it anymore. He just knew something was burning and if he didn’t wash his mouth, he’d be breathing fire any second.

He closed his mouth. There’s no way he’d let it reach his digestive stomach. He had to throw it up. He ran towards the sink, hands bracing on the counter and spitting out what he could as he washed the taste away. When he turned around, Niall was already behind him, holding the tray and looking more depressed than ever.

Harry cracked up. “Please don’t tell me you’re still planning to eat that. I did a little sacrifice for you, Niall. Don’t do it. And throw away those cupcakes, they aren’t even cooked.” Niall only nodded, gesturing Harry to step aside as he dumped the bowl to the sink and then throwing cupcakes to the trash bin underneath the sink. He sniffed as he started walking away. “Hey, Niall. Come on. It’s just a joke.”

“Yeah, I know. I know I’m really horrible at cooking.” He said, still not turning back. Harry had a feeling he did something wrong again. “I told you don’t eat it.”

“Well, at least you know it doesn’t—“

“I know it doesn’t taste good!” Niall turned around, eyes glowering back at him. “That’s why I keep telling you don’t eat them!”

Harry backed away. “Hey, hey. You’re getting so worked up about this. Let it go! Having a horrible dish doesn’t mean you’re a horrible cook. You just have to practice.”

“You really are an idiot.” Niall mumbled, looking down at the trash can. “You’re so stupid. You’re so clueless about everything…”

“What? Hey – look, your laptop is beside the sink. You’re the idiot one in here.” Harry was on it again. He knew he should just stop speaking and ask sincerely for Niall’s forgiveness so he could ask about last night’s endeavor. “I told you just let it—“

“That whole dish was for you.”

Harry flinched. _What?_

“I’ve been cooking since 5 AM, trying to figure out how to bake that bloody cupcake. I’ve been throwing everything I come up with and that one you pointed as not even cooked? They were my 14th batch, Harry. The closest one I got for it to look like a fucking cupcake.”

Harry opened his mouth, but Niall continued, his eyes looking back at the sink. “The blog said that soup was good for those who were sick. And I knew it was horrible, so I planned on cooking another one – I planned to cook you another one that’s not that spicy until I get it right, and I’m going to bring it to you upstairs…” He trailed off, untying his apron. “That bloody, disgusting dish was for you. You could’ve at least pretended you liked it. But being the perfect fucker that you are, of course, it wouldn’t be enough for you!” Niall said, throwing the apron at him. “You’re so stupid! So – fucking, stupid!”

“You told me it was yours! If you should’ve told me that it was mine then—“

“I just told you I was going to prepare another one, you idiot! God, why are you so dull!”

Harry didn’t know what it was, but something about Niall screaming at him, was actually turning him on. Had it always been like this? Was he always holding back whenever Niall gets angry at him - always wanted him to just shut him up by kissing him, or to just hug him so the arguement is over - and he just realized it now, after what happened last night, breaking yet another barrier of Niall?

“You should’ve asked for my help.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I told you I’m supposed to bring it to you upstairs, there’s no point in asking if you’re already…w-what are you doing?” Niall was suddenly pressed to the counter, Harry’s body just ghosting over him, his hands locking his body. “Get away from me.”

“You don’t mean that.” Harry took another step, his lips dangerously brushing on Niall’s forehead. At the back of his head, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. What happened last night was just an experiment, like what Louis and Zayn had said. He should still ask him about what he felt last night, if what he did was right, if he was okay with it. But Harry couldn’t wait any longer.

He wouldn’t allow Niall getting angry at him again and knowing Niall, he’d rather avoid him than talk to Harry about it. And that was something Harry wouldn’t let him to do again.

“I told you –“

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Harry whispered, leaning in even before Niall could say something. His whole body buzzed, his heart skipped and his lungs tightened - feelings he used to hate whenever he’s around the lad, or even just thinking about him, but now, he welcomed them like an old friend and Harry knew he was in deep trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What do you think will happen in the next chapter? (That will probably take another era to be posted.) Feedback would be awesome. Thank you for your patience! xx


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